Slashy Nominations 45: They Win That Laugh

[thefourthvine]

I've been wallowing in pathos recently as the result of an ill-advised attempt to watch certain classic movies. Do not trust film classics, people: they will betray you and leave you in dire need of SSRIs. And chocolate.

Fortunately, FF can be trusted. Well, some of it, anyway. The funny stuff, basically. And now I'm passing the humor on to

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[thefourthvine]

My hatred for monkeys (and all primates, and do not tell me I am one; I absolutely refuse to admit any relationship to primates, or in fact most human beings, and in fact I'm fairly sure I'm operated by a ferret collective from the planet Ul) is based on one horrible, horrible class I took in college. (Evolution of homo sapiens, basically.) At one point, it had gotten so bad that I had an honest-to-god allergic reaction - urticaria - every time someone mentioned a primate. And this persisted for years after the class had broken me emotionally and physically and sent me weeping into therapy.

(Why was the class so bad? Here's one tiny extract that sticks in my mind, for obvious reasons.
Professor: Some people claim that humans evolved from insectivores.
[Long pause as professor contacts brain, which is located on a distant planet.]
Professor: But we know this could not be true.
[Longer pause. Best Beloved, who was also in the class with me, and who was an absolute demon about paying attention and taking notes, continues the impressive doodle begun on day four of the class.]
Professor: Because there were no insectivores when the dinosaurs were around.
[Long pause, while everyone in class prays for death.]
Professor: Because there were no insects when the dinosaurs were around, because there were no plants for them to live on.
[Long pause. Professor again attempts to contact brain. Entire class sits up in shock and exchanges frightened glances, which glances essentially say, did I just hear that or am I losing my mind? Several brave souls raise hands, but are ignored, as professor has just managed to uplink to brain and is desperately trying to download PIN and blood type, and, probably, own name.]

The scary part is that the professor was quite respected in her field. Although not, I daresay, by anyone who had taken a class from her. (I understand she'd been a decent teacher and a great researcher before tenure, though.)

But, um, rant aside - I love Richmond Lattimore, too. I have read parts of the new, supposedly way cooler translations, but I care not for them. I care not, I say. I also keep the first Illiad translation I read - Shefter - but more for, you know, sentiment. Plus it's smaller and more totable and fits in my purse.