209: Wondrous Strange

[thefourthvine]

Those of you who were on the earthling filter way back when he was still leasing space in my body may remember that I suffer from a very severe case of Familial Lyrics Disorder, as did my father and my grandmother before me. (Some of our incorrect songs have been handed down through three generations!) It's not just that I mishear and misremember

Comments

[frostfire_17]

Ahaha, well, we'll see about the novel thing. As for the cliff face, in retrospect I totally should have included that bit in my story notes, because it is hilarious. Here, I will tell you:

See, okay, Kumarbi has been defeated by his mpreg kid Teshub, and so apparently he has learned that having powerful children is a good way to get on top of things. So he goes and actually literally has sex with a cliff face (or a really large rock--the translation is unclear, and central Anatolia is full of large rocky outcroppings, so the distinction is kind of blurry anyway). The scene is pretty racy, especially as far as Hittite texts go; his manhood [verb broken off]s into it and he takes it five times, then ten times. Thumbs up for Kumarbi!

So somehow the cliff gets pregnant (?????) and the kid is this giant half-stone, half-god monster called Ullikummi. Kumarbi puts him on the shoulder of Upelluri (the Hittite Atlas), and he grows insanely fast, until he reaches the heavens. And then he goes around terrorizing the gods. This is where the Ishtar bit comes in, actually--so, Teshub tries to thunder and storm and beat Ullikummi like that, and it totally doesn't work, so he sits down and cries. (Seriously. His tears are like rivers. It's sad.) And when it's Ishtar's turn to try and defeat Ullikummi, she's all, "I will use my womanly wiles!" and she puts on a sexy outfit and a sexy headdress and does a sexy little dance--which worked great when she was up against the dragon Hedammu--but tragically Ullikummi is made of stone, and so she doesn't manage to turn his head at all. Eventually Ea the sky god cuts off his feet, though, and poor Kumarbi is once again defeated.

So basically the Kumarbi cycle is the awesomest set of myths ever! He is my favoritest god, no lie. What's really funny, though, is that I can't stand mpreg in fanfic. :D