(no subject)
I didn't even dress up for Halloween this year. I did not trick or treat at all. I did not go to the pumpkin patch this year with my family. They didn't tell me they were going until I had to work. I did decorate the house. I also carved a pumpkin, which looks like a retarded cat. I once had a retarded rabbit. It's neck was crooked and forced the head to lay sideways. I don't know how it happened, but it took a while to get really bad. But that is irrelevant.
I feel like I am being forced to grow up against my will. Sometimes. Other times I feel the need to act and feel and be very mature. Mature beyond my years. I want to get as much out of school as possible. I want to join groups and programs where I can use my knowledge and be around other people of similar interests. I also want to continue to put pink in my hair. I do not think it is a big deal. Part of me wants to be stubborn and prove my point, while the other part does not want to miss out on a big opportunity over something silly like hair. Sometimes I feel like I have split personalities. A very very mild case. I want to be carefree and spontaneous and rebellious, but I also want to think practically and reasonable. There is the present and the future. I think I am stuck somewhere in between. The presure? Well, it sure does cause a lot of... pressure...- I really should be stopped.
I have been ditching classes and slacking on my homework lately. I havent tutored my tutorie(?) in almost two weeks. I actually spent time to get ready for work twice this week, which is the first time in almost two months. I stopped caring about my appearance for quite a while. It was probably due to the poor complexion and the coldsore (face SARS) that i had. And that I just didnt care. My weather is finally here and I have finally started to care about things again. It will be nice to be done with this phase in my life. I figure I will have more time to reflect on things, or not need to as much because things will have worked themselves out.
I like that just thinking about Eric makes me smile inside. Sometimes he makes me so happy it makes me want to cry. sometimes it does make me cry. I was always a really sensitive child. It is nice to let down all barriers and walls and let someone see you so vulnerable sometimes. I think it makes us appreicate eachother more. It makes everyone more realistic. Sometimes we get clouded by illusions of what we think people are. Nothing is more beautiful than seeing things in their true form.
I feel like I am being forced to grow up against my will. Sometimes. Other times I feel the need to act and feel and be very mature. Mature beyond my years. I want to get as much out of school as possible. I want to join groups and programs where I can use my knowledge and be around other people of similar interests. I also want to continue to put pink in my hair. I do not think it is a big deal. Part of me wants to be stubborn and prove my point, while the other part does not want to miss out on a big opportunity over something silly like hair. Sometimes I feel like I have split personalities. A very very mild case. I want to be carefree and spontaneous and rebellious, but I also want to think practically and reasonable. There is the present and the future. I think I am stuck somewhere in between. The presure? Well, it sure does cause a lot of... pressure...- I really should be stopped.
I have been ditching classes and slacking on my homework lately. I havent tutored my tutorie(?) in almost two weeks. I actually spent time to get ready for work twice this week, which is the first time in almost two months. I stopped caring about my appearance for quite a while. It was probably due to the poor complexion and the coldsore (face SARS) that i had. And that I just didnt care. My weather is finally here and I have finally started to care about things again. It will be nice to be done with this phase in my life. I figure I will have more time to reflect on things, or not need to as much because things will have worked themselves out.
I like that just thinking about Eric makes me smile inside. Sometimes he makes me so happy it makes me want to cry. sometimes it does make me cry. I was always a really sensitive child. It is nice to let down all barriers and walls and let someone see you so vulnerable sometimes. I think it makes us appreicate eachother more. It makes everyone more realistic. Sometimes we get clouded by illusions of what we think people are. Nothing is more beautiful than seeing things in their true form.