Some things go too deep for words
I know I shouldn't have peeked, but I did. I'm sorry, sort of.
But that's really not the reason you should be mad at me.
I'm more sorry for is the fact that I've been fricking absent from your life for the past 5 years. That's the worst thing I've done to you. Sure I was there, but not really there: not caring for what you feel, or what you might've been going through.
I'm so, so, so, sorry. I feel awful. There's this nasty feeling lingering in the pit of my belly, and it won't go away.
I regret not being there for you. I regret watching you fall apart, implode, and not fucking doing anything. I'm sorry for being so self-centered, so selfish that I failed to open my eyes and see how you were really hurting. No one could understand the reasons why you quit at the very top of your game; I just wish I could have listened to you instead of questioning your decisions.
Can I just say that you're the sweetest, smartest (academic and otherwise) friend anyone could have. What's so sad about discovering all your heartaches and fears is that I've been feeling the same way too. Fuck. If only we could have supported each other instead of lingering in our own sorrows.
I've been a terrible friend to you. I've failed to be the best person I could have been. I'm sorry if I was mean to you, if I made you cry, if my failures in life made you worry about me. You've always been perfect to me, and I deeply admire you for that.
I wish we could be closer, really close, so we can share each other's secrets and find serious comfort in each other's company, that kind of closeness. I may not always understand you (and vice-versa), but please know that I'm going to try to be nicer and more understanding to you.
I. Love. You. I do. Mark my words, I'm gonna be a changed person from now on.
Hang on. I'm coming home.