(no subject)
I’m sitting in the dark. The darkness that can only be produced by being alone. A constant flow of darkness is encircling my body oozing from the black hole positioned where my heart should be. Consuming me. Sucking me in deeper, deeper till I reach the point of which there is so much darkness I can’t even remember the light. The point when even if someone would enter my darkened prison, I wouldn’t be able to tell they were there. I’m shivering, but it’s not cold. I’m gasping for breath, but I know there is air in my lungs.
The impenetrable darkness is constricting around my body. Pulling tight across my tormented flesh like the net of despair it is. But the net does not hold me up. It leaves me felling trapped, but not secured. I’m falling inside my prison with no one to catch me and no opportunity to save myself. I’ve given up struggling. The more I move, the more I try to better my position- the more the net constricts and the faster I fall. I’ve reaching out frantically for light, sensation, anything to connect myself to the world, but all my efforts are in vein. I scream, but nothing leaves my lips. I cry, but no tears are shed.
The deafening silence cannot be broken. There are no sounds. No lights. No smells. No tastes. No touches. Just an empty void of nothingness and indifference. I try to reach out, but my arms are bound to my person. I can’t even feel myself. I am numb. I want so dearly to feel someone near me. Someone to wrap my arms around. I want to rest my head on their chest and hear their heart beating steady and strong beneath my ear. Feel their warmth, their energy, their love radiating from their body and into mine. I want to look into their eyes, feel their body encompassing me and hear them say you’re safe with me...I love you. I am so use to being the strong one in the relationship. The dominate one who is always in control. But I feel so frail and vulnerable. I’m hiding from the love I crave so dearly. I am crippled by the magnitude of the love I feel that cannot be expressed. I know people love me back, but that knowledge frightens me. I want to love, but my logic and rational keeps my heart at bay.
The impenetrable darkness is constricting around my body. Pulling tight across my tormented flesh like the net of despair it is. But the net does not hold me up. It leaves me felling trapped, but not secured. I’m falling inside my prison with no one to catch me and no opportunity to save myself. I’ve given up struggling. The more I move, the more I try to better my position- the more the net constricts and the faster I fall. I’ve reaching out frantically for light, sensation, anything to connect myself to the world, but all my efforts are in vein. I scream, but nothing leaves my lips. I cry, but no tears are shed.
The deafening silence cannot be broken. There are no sounds. No lights. No smells. No tastes. No touches. Just an empty void of nothingness and indifference. I try to reach out, but my arms are bound to my person. I can’t even feel myself. I am numb. I want so dearly to feel someone near me. Someone to wrap my arms around. I want to rest my head on their chest and hear their heart beating steady and strong beneath my ear. Feel their warmth, their energy, their love radiating from their body and into mine. I want to look into their eyes, feel their body encompassing me and hear them say you’re safe with me...I love you. I am so use to being the strong one in the relationship. The dominate one who is always in control. But I feel so frail and vulnerable. I’m hiding from the love I crave so dearly. I am crippled by the magnitude of the love I feel that cannot be expressed. I know people love me back, but that knowledge frightens me. I want to love, but my logic and rational keeps my heart at bay.