Still talkin' to myself and nobody's home
Dear Journal,
It seems since I did the latest move, that I lost my personal journal. I try to write in that alot and I pray it's not gone. I enjoy reading days back when I was 15 and in 20 years I'd like to read about today's drama and portals of unmatched batshit.
I'll tell yea what, listening to GNRs Estranged for 4 hours straight kinda puts me in a mood that is below mellow, but above depressed. Such a good song.
Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of my life. I was told that outside of high school as I was leaving and told the VP to go shove it and dropped out. Only to work hard, and go back and graduate two years later. But I remember that day. A sense of direction for the most part with a bit of unknown mixed together. Tomorrow is my finals for college. Am I worried? A little. I've studied a bunch, of course, never as much as I would like, but enough. I say it's in Gods hands really. He's brought me this far for some reason, he'll carry me along the rest of the way. I'm such a typical roman catholic. Always running to God when I need him.
Friday was the first step in Melissa's life as well. I got the phone call Friday from Jason to go to her house and pick her up after work. I walked around Tyrone mall for a couple of hours waiting for her to get home, and on a side note, I really can not understand how that mall holds itself together. It really does suck. The horrid creatures I call "women" who walk around that mall seem that they should be based in a Goosebumps book. I've seen many horrid things in my time, dead bodies, burn victims, all of those images erased by the view of a 300 pound beast walking around in a tube top that a woman in high school should be wearing.
But thanks ADD, back on with Melissa. Went to her house, sat outside in my truck for roughly an hour. Called a couple of times, finally she picked up and was inside with her phone on silent as her crazy mom was yelling at her. Just sitting outside in the truck hearing that brought me back to living with my parents. Now God love them, they are both wonderful parents to me, and it wasn't until then that all that yelling at me made sense.
I was finally invited in by her father. After getting out of my truck he's holding a bucket full of dry ice and keeps telling me to come in. Now I've watched enough A&E to know that there's a good chance I might die once I walk in that door. So my knife is ready to rock and roll at a moments notice. About 20 minutes of drama later, I'm driving her to our house. The package has been picked up. Now she is living with us.
Melissa kept asking if it's alright with me if she does and was worried that she might annoy me or something to that regard. Fact of the matter is this, I lived with Amber, if I could survive that cesspool of unneeded drama and insecurity, I can tolerate anything, no questions. We'll see how Jason takes it. He's so carefree that I don't think it'll bother him much, plus we're both helping her out, getting her set up as an adult. Karma judges well upon these things. She's strong willed, she'll do fine.
On sad news, my truck will be dying soon. So she might have to go. Now the hunt is on for something that I like. Either a truck or an SUV. If it's a truck I want it to have a quad cab. Even though no one ever rides with me, I'll miss that "suv" feeling. Plus having a truck I can help people move crap and can get paid to do it as well. I was never a fan of imports and Chevy, so they're out. Either Ford or Dodge. And if it's a truck, I'm going all out. I'll have to step into it to drive it. I want it off the ground. Grill guard, maybe an F250. Everyone's told me that I've been good for a long time and had that truck since high school, it's time for me to have something nice. We'll see what Karma finds me.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't worried about my friend Ben. He's been threaten suicide to me the past week or so. Last night I got this message on AIM as I slept..
"I am not sure if this is a good idea or not, you have a lot of school. I really need someone to talk to and you are the only one who hasn't mentioned stopping me by ratting me out. I am on my last string and I just want her. I cannot sleep. If I am bothering you too much I understand. For the last half hour I have been watching people shoot them selfs. Im lost I do not know how to handle this anymore it has gone worse than I thought and I have come to the point of I will not live without her now. I cannot wait till the date I said before. I really have a problem, I have never said that before and meant it. I'm scared sort of, but relieved bcause there are only two outcomes. I really do appreciate talking to you Titus, I would like to chill one last time if you do not mind. You have been a good friend and I am still sorry I dropped of the earth while in tampa."
And I woke up to that. Now I ask God why me? All during middle school I was the one people ran to for help and to talk with for advice, but why have a persons life in my hands. He's doing this over a chick, some stupid cunt. Some twat who no longer wants to give him the time of day. After Melanie I felt like this, yes, but I overcame it. Never dated anyone until Amber, three years later. And before and after that, only being attracted to psycho "know it all" chicks who the world would be alot better without.
Now I want to help him out, but walking on egg shells to save a life is going to be hard. He wants to hang out "one last time" so I have some time to talk with him more. But for how long? I want to report him for his own good, but don't know if he's doing this for attention or really going to do it. I've known him, he's crazy, so I'm leaning for more yes than no. Also I don't know where he lives or his last name. All I have is his cell number and first name. I lost Eugene a couple years back to suicide and that screwed me all up, I don't want to lose another one.
But that's it at the moment. Jay and Melissa aren't home yet, so lord only knows what happened to them. I just hope I don't need to bail him out!
Until next time
It seems since I did the latest move, that I lost my personal journal. I try to write in that alot and I pray it's not gone. I enjoy reading days back when I was 15 and in 20 years I'd like to read about today's drama and portals of unmatched batshit.
I'll tell yea what, listening to GNRs Estranged for 4 hours straight kinda puts me in a mood that is below mellow, but above depressed. Such a good song.
Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of my life. I was told that outside of high school as I was leaving and told the VP to go shove it and dropped out. Only to work hard, and go back and graduate two years later. But I remember that day. A sense of direction for the most part with a bit of unknown mixed together. Tomorrow is my finals for college. Am I worried? A little. I've studied a bunch, of course, never as much as I would like, but enough. I say it's in Gods hands really. He's brought me this far for some reason, he'll carry me along the rest of the way. I'm such a typical roman catholic. Always running to God when I need him.
Friday was the first step in Melissa's life as well. I got the phone call Friday from Jason to go to her house and pick her up after work. I walked around Tyrone mall for a couple of hours waiting for her to get home, and on a side note, I really can not understand how that mall holds itself together. It really does suck. The horrid creatures I call "women" who walk around that mall seem that they should be based in a Goosebumps book. I've seen many horrid things in my time, dead bodies, burn victims, all of those images erased by the view of a 300 pound beast walking around in a tube top that a woman in high school should be wearing.
But thanks ADD, back on with Melissa. Went to her house, sat outside in my truck for roughly an hour. Called a couple of times, finally she picked up and was inside with her phone on silent as her crazy mom was yelling at her. Just sitting outside in the truck hearing that brought me back to living with my parents. Now God love them, they are both wonderful parents to me, and it wasn't until then that all that yelling at me made sense.
I was finally invited in by her father. After getting out of my truck he's holding a bucket full of dry ice and keeps telling me to come in. Now I've watched enough A&E to know that there's a good chance I might die once I walk in that door. So my knife is ready to rock and roll at a moments notice. About 20 minutes of drama later, I'm driving her to our house. The package has been picked up. Now she is living with us.
Melissa kept asking if it's alright with me if she does and was worried that she might annoy me or something to that regard. Fact of the matter is this, I lived with Amber, if I could survive that cesspool of unneeded drama and insecurity, I can tolerate anything, no questions. We'll see how Jason takes it. He's so carefree that I don't think it'll bother him much, plus we're both helping her out, getting her set up as an adult. Karma judges well upon these things. She's strong willed, she'll do fine.
On sad news, my truck will be dying soon. So she might have to go. Now the hunt is on for something that I like. Either a truck or an SUV. If it's a truck I want it to have a quad cab. Even though no one ever rides with me, I'll miss that "suv" feeling. Plus having a truck I can help people move crap and can get paid to do it as well. I was never a fan of imports and Chevy, so they're out. Either Ford or Dodge. And if it's a truck, I'm going all out. I'll have to step into it to drive it. I want it off the ground. Grill guard, maybe an F250. Everyone's told me that I've been good for a long time and had that truck since high school, it's time for me to have something nice. We'll see what Karma finds me.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't worried about my friend Ben. He's been threaten suicide to me the past week or so. Last night I got this message on AIM as I slept..
"I am not sure if this is a good idea or not, you have a lot of school. I really need someone to talk to and you are the only one who hasn't mentioned stopping me by ratting me out. I am on my last string and I just want her. I cannot sleep. If I am bothering you too much I understand. For the last half hour I have been watching people shoot them selfs. Im lost I do not know how to handle this anymore it has gone worse than I thought and I have come to the point of I will not live without her now. I cannot wait till the date I said before. I really have a problem, I have never said that before and meant it. I'm scared sort of, but relieved bcause there are only two outcomes. I really do appreciate talking to you Titus, I would like to chill one last time if you do not mind. You have been a good friend and I am still sorry I dropped of the earth while in tampa."
And I woke up to that. Now I ask God why me? All during middle school I was the one people ran to for help and to talk with for advice, but why have a persons life in my hands. He's doing this over a chick, some stupid cunt. Some twat who no longer wants to give him the time of day. After Melanie I felt like this, yes, but I overcame it. Never dated anyone until Amber, three years later. And before and after that, only being attracted to psycho "know it all" chicks who the world would be alot better without.
Now I want to help him out, but walking on egg shells to save a life is going to be hard. He wants to hang out "one last time" so I have some time to talk with him more. But for how long? I want to report him for his own good, but don't know if he's doing this for attention or really going to do it. I've known him, he's crazy, so I'm leaning for more yes than no. Also I don't know where he lives or his last name. All I have is his cell number and first name. I lost Eugene a couple years back to suicide and that screwed me all up, I don't want to lose another one.
But that's it at the moment. Jay and Melissa aren't home yet, so lord only knows what happened to them. I just hope I don't need to bail him out!
Until next time