(no subject)
screaming:
"
i dont exist
i
dont
exist
i
d
o
n
t
e
x
i
s
t
.
.
.
.
"
i dotn make decisions because they make me happy...that isn't the issue.
i rationalize things.
i screw things up
beautiful things.
oh well. i want to run away. im not going to make a big deal out of anything.
my head is tired. i dont want to exist. i dont want to matter to people.
friends are great. anything else is just too confusing. and everyone knows that.
its windy out. and kinda chilly. club crackers are on sale at safeway. i work more hours a week than i am in class. im begining to wonder what college is about exactly. i dont feel like i have learned anything academicly. socially and life wise... im learning a lot. we all make mistakes. and we learn. blah poop. whatever. i cut all my hair off.. that s not a mistake i love it. its nice. for some reason music is making me sad easily. i need to be around people. but i find that im limited to a few people who ever have time to be around me. when im working everyone is free... when im free, no one is around. i think that is what caused my current war inside my head. wars are loud. and ugly. my hair isnt though.
its easy to see im losing my mind.
so soon.
i wont exist.
ps. if you are 21 go see regina spektor in Portland or seattle now.
pps. i miss california.
pppps. i want to go to boston and start over... i have a nice habit of running away when things dont go how i wanted them to, even if im decently happy, id rather be happy by myself than worry that i am making the same mistakes as my parents and as many other people ive seen around me.
"
i dont exist
i
dont
exist
i
d
o
n
t
e
x
i
s
t
.
.
.
.
"
i dotn make decisions because they make me happy...that isn't the issue.
i rationalize things.
i screw things up
beautiful things.
oh well. i want to run away. im not going to make a big deal out of anything.
my head is tired. i dont want to exist. i dont want to matter to people.
friends are great. anything else is just too confusing. and everyone knows that.
its windy out. and kinda chilly. club crackers are on sale at safeway. i work more hours a week than i am in class. im begining to wonder what college is about exactly. i dont feel like i have learned anything academicly. socially and life wise... im learning a lot. we all make mistakes. and we learn. blah poop. whatever. i cut all my hair off.. that s not a mistake i love it. its nice. for some reason music is making me sad easily. i need to be around people. but i find that im limited to a few people who ever have time to be around me. when im working everyone is free... when im free, no one is around. i think that is what caused my current war inside my head. wars are loud. and ugly. my hair isnt though.
its easy to see im losing my mind.
so soon.
i wont exist.
ps. if you are 21 go see regina spektor in Portland or seattle now.
pps. i miss california.
pppps. i want to go to boston and start over... i have a nice habit of running away when things dont go how i wanted them to, even if im decently happy, id rather be happy by myself than worry that i am making the same mistakes as my parents and as many other people ive seen around me.