(no subject)
god i haven't been this hurt in a while. a long while.
plus the addition of cabin fever adds to that pain. pain. pain. pain.
i wished this weekend that i had the capacity for drug use to take away my pain, but i know that it would only add to it. plus it would shrink my wallet drastically.
you think you know a person, huh?
some people have said the same about me. ech fuck it, this is about me. me for once. not someone else's problems. not someone else's tears. my problems. my pains. my tears. me for once. me.
i've had such plans. such plans with this person. i thought it would make out to be such a beautiful friendship. i never ever before had found someone who else once almost killed themselves for someone they loved. never before. i felt such connections with her over issues as such. we had the same philosophies about family and friendships and love. all the same. i vowed to help her stop her substance abuse. vowed. vowed. vowed. i was convinced and i wanted to make this friendship work, despite all that i heard.
now look at me.
i'm here, i'm a pathetic sight.look at me just grieving. look at me. i put too much faith in people. no. this is just one bad apple in the tree i suppose.
i really needed to talk to someone this weekend. but as usual i dealt with this on my own. of course i could've called someone, but i never had help with my problems similar to these, and well, i see this as a pattern that i'd like to stick to, just so that 20 years from now i can say to everyone "Yeah, I did this alone. I lived through that alone."
i feel a painful lump in my throat. i hope i can get out today.
plus the addition of cabin fever adds to that pain. pain. pain. pain.
i wished this weekend that i had the capacity for drug use to take away my pain, but i know that it would only add to it. plus it would shrink my wallet drastically.
you think you know a person, huh?
some people have said the same about me. ech fuck it, this is about me. me for once. not someone else's problems. not someone else's tears. my problems. my pains. my tears. me for once. me.
i've had such plans. such plans with this person. i thought it would make out to be such a beautiful friendship. i never ever before had found someone who else once almost killed themselves for someone they loved. never before. i felt such connections with her over issues as such. we had the same philosophies about family and friendships and love. all the same. i vowed to help her stop her substance abuse. vowed. vowed. vowed. i was convinced and i wanted to make this friendship work, despite all that i heard.
now look at me.
i'm here, i'm a pathetic sight.look at me just grieving. look at me. i put too much faith in people. no. this is just one bad apple in the tree i suppose.
i really needed to talk to someone this weekend. but as usual i dealt with this on my own. of course i could've called someone, but i never had help with my problems similar to these, and well, i see this as a pattern that i'd like to stick to, just so that 20 years from now i can say to everyone "Yeah, I did this alone. I lived through that alone."
i feel a painful lump in my throat. i hope i can get out today.