For Our Sake
Stephen died two days ago.
Its been on my mind since Ive heard about it. I feel so sorry for Lama, because they were in love. Not kiddie love smothered in love notes and skipping classes. It was a love that went without saying. They were and you knew it.
When I think of Stephen, I dont feel for Stephen because I dont believe he needs my sympathy. I do feel bad for Lama, his family, Seth and all of us for that matter. Even me. I heard once that missing someone when they are gone is selfish, because its you who feels you needed more time with them; its you who wanted them to stay. I think no matter what people say before they die, it doesnt matter at the moment because they see what is ahead of them and there is no going back. No time to reassure you, comfort your fears because there is no way to understand what could make them go and leave you. That is what we have to do for ourselves. They just know its time and they must.
I feel almost at ease when I think of him, not cause I dont care. I do. I knew Stephen and he was great, but because there is no doubt in my mind that he is in heaven, shangrala, nirvana. Hes where all good people should be.
I dont think this for his sake but for mine because Id like to believe that in his passing he wouldnt want any lives destroyed. That I have an obligation to my memory of him to live a full life, thats what I would want if i were him and that how I want to remember him. That is what makes it okay and that is what keeps me together...
Its been on my mind since Ive heard about it. I feel so sorry for Lama, because they were in love. Not kiddie love smothered in love notes and skipping classes. It was a love that went without saying. They were and you knew it.
When I think of Stephen, I dont feel for Stephen because I dont believe he needs my sympathy. I do feel bad for Lama, his family, Seth and all of us for that matter. Even me. I heard once that missing someone when they are gone is selfish, because its you who feels you needed more time with them; its you who wanted them to stay. I think no matter what people say before they die, it doesnt matter at the moment because they see what is ahead of them and there is no going back. No time to reassure you, comfort your fears because there is no way to understand what could make them go and leave you. That is what we have to do for ourselves. They just know its time and they must.
I feel almost at ease when I think of him, not cause I dont care. I do. I knew Stephen and he was great, but because there is no doubt in my mind that he is in heaven, shangrala, nirvana. Hes where all good people should be.
I dont think this for his sake but for mine because Id like to believe that in his passing he wouldnt want any lives destroyed. That I have an obligation to my memory of him to live a full life, thats what I would want if i were him and that how I want to remember him. That is what makes it okay and that is what keeps me together...