i don't want this. take it away.
i have been pounding my fists into the pavement for the past 45 minutes because of phone calls that i didn't want to receive. i've smoked a dozen cigarettes which i know are slowly killing me but are the only things that even seem to make me feel better, aside from alcohol and the sun is still up... so i'm not drinking just yet.
WHY DON'T PEOPLE UNDERSTAND SIMPLICITY?
i've explained things too many times to you already... and i've used the tiniest words so you could understand... but why don't you?
i don't know where we are going or why or how or when... but i know that i cannot be the girl that you want me to be right now.
i cannot predict the future and i'm not going to try to.
we cannot keep killing a billion cases of beer throughout the week in order to function around each other. when we're drinking, we laugh and talk nonsense and listen to hardcore and dance around in your bedroom and stare at each other. you tell me these wonderful stories and i play with your hair and we have amazing discussions about taoism and freud and the evolution of our blossoming tattooed sleeves.
but when we are sober... you act like the little girl i must have been a year ago... saying things like "don't go... why do you always leave.... don't leave me... just stay here... but i want to be with just you... i can't handle this... what's wrong with me... why am i not enough... just let me hold you... hold me..." BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH.
i want to rip your face off, sometimes.
like right now. it is an almost beautiful afternoon... i don't have to work...
i made plans and you flipped out because they didn't involve you.
i don't know HOW you found out... but you did and...
it has almost ruined today for me.
almost.
**
damn.
i feel lots better now.
***
WHY DON'T PEOPLE UNDERSTAND SIMPLICITY?
i've explained things too many times to you already... and i've used the tiniest words so you could understand... but why don't you?
i don't know where we are going or why or how or when... but i know that i cannot be the girl that you want me to be right now.
i cannot predict the future and i'm not going to try to.
we cannot keep killing a billion cases of beer throughout the week in order to function around each other. when we're drinking, we laugh and talk nonsense and listen to hardcore and dance around in your bedroom and stare at each other. you tell me these wonderful stories and i play with your hair and we have amazing discussions about taoism and freud and the evolution of our blossoming tattooed sleeves.
but when we are sober... you act like the little girl i must have been a year ago... saying things like "don't go... why do you always leave.... don't leave me... just stay here... but i want to be with just you... i can't handle this... what's wrong with me... why am i not enough... just let me hold you... hold me..." BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH.
i want to rip your face off, sometimes.
like right now. it is an almost beautiful afternoon... i don't have to work...
i made plans and you flipped out because they didn't involve you.
i don't know HOW you found out... but you did and...
it has almost ruined today for me.
almost.
**
damn.
i feel lots better now.
***