I have tired.
I want to facedesk. If my desk was clean and I could be assured it wouldn't hurt, I would facedesk. Then I would facedesk again. After that, I would facedesk again. Oh, and I'd facedesk one more time, just to make sure.
It's been twenty-one days since I posted about Annie, though in a far more articulate piece of writing than I can concoct after my most recent night. You see, I eventually grew tired of her inability to tell me the truth about anything, and I finally said nuts to it. I deleted my friendster account, then I deleted everyone off YM, then... for good measure... (since I ought've done so in the first place) I cancelled my membership to the website I'd met her and her cousin.
Then I made new accounts, added everyone back, apologized for being nuts, and asked for forgiveness. In about four days, she contacted me and told me she had forgiven me. We still were semi-quasi-kinda-sorta togetherish at the time, until Valentine's Day. You see, it was 1am on Valentines Day, for me at least, when Sheryl, Annie's cousin, informed me everyone would go out and "get drunk because we are single." So the entire complicated business was out the window, there it was plain and crystal.
I sent Annie another message. This time I didn't delete my FS or delete anyone from YM. I merely told her I was tired of being played for some naive little idiot (though I was certainly acting like one). I informed her I didn't want to deal with half-truths and giggles for answers. I told her I wanted someone who would communicate with me. I told her she had never tried to be honest, never tried to see my perspective and never tried to feel the slightest empathy for my position. Then I said goodbye.
Five hours later I got a comment from her. She said okay fine you can let go. Sorry if I hurt you. I hope we can be friends, but not now, leave me alone now. I want to forget. Okay so I paraphrased a bit, but that's the basic idea.
A couple nights after that, her friend Jhen popped up on YM. I had actually blocked her because she was the source of a lot of the trouble, but when I saw her come online I figured I'd unblock her and see if she had anything to say. She did. She said she wanted me to forgive her, that Annie was there with her. I asked questions only Annie would know the answer to, and sure enough Annie was there as well. We chatted for about 15 minutes. She said she wanted to be friends, that she wanted me to get to know her again, that she missed and cared about me.
Remember the part about the naive little idiot?
Even though I only agreed to get to know her again, to be her friend, I still felt very strongly about doing just that. I wanted to be her friend, as I had from the beginning. It took little time, however, before I realized she had no intentions of actually being my friend. She did not reply to any message I sent her. She did not reply to any comment I sent her. She did not talk to me in chat unless I asked her a question. Even then it was a one word answer. It's ok, I thought... she's busy. Of course, Wesley gets 2 or 3 messages from her per day, but you know... she's just busy. She talks to him frequently in chat, but she's just busy.
She's missing from chat for 3 days, and takes the time to log on and send him a message saying how she missed him and muah and all that crap. That tore it. If nothing else, I would be better off not knowing how unwanted I was. My friendster dropped from the small number of 6 friends, to the smaller number of 2. I only left Sheryl and Laarmie.
Now there's something twisted. I'd met Sheryl a couple days after I met Annie. She found me through Annie's friendster page and requested an add. Well sure, thought I, an insanely cute Asian girl? Why not?. Well... Annie asked me to be her semi-sorta-quasi-kinda boyfriend roughly eight hours after Sheryl asked me to be her entirely completely absolutey no wishy-washiness about it boyfriend. In retrospect, I could have simply said "no" to both of them rather than remain silent to either. Sheryl decided that since Annie liked me, Annie should have me. Then there was everything complicated with Annie and it may have harmed my friendship with Sheryl. I could have said yes to Sheryl. I did not know at the time, but she is quite the fun person to chat with. She always makes me smile or laugh, she wants me to be happy so she'll try to help me out in any way (even trying to nudge Annie to talk to me when things were messy).
That's not even the craziest part of my February. Yes, I was asked by both girls either at the tail end of March or on February first. Now by the tail end of February, four weeks, I imagine Sheryl will have stopped talking to me as well. Mind, Sheryl does have something to do with the crazier part of February, but I think even crazier still is Laarmie. But she is a story for another post. I'm about to konk...
zzzZZZZzzzz
It's been twenty-one days since I posted about Annie, though in a far more articulate piece of writing than I can concoct after my most recent night. You see, I eventually grew tired of her inability to tell me the truth about anything, and I finally said nuts to it. I deleted my friendster account, then I deleted everyone off YM, then... for good measure... (since I ought've done so in the first place) I cancelled my membership to the website I'd met her and her cousin.
Then I made new accounts, added everyone back, apologized for being nuts, and asked for forgiveness. In about four days, she contacted me and told me she had forgiven me. We still were semi-quasi-kinda-sorta togetherish at the time, until Valentine's Day. You see, it was 1am on Valentines Day, for me at least, when Sheryl, Annie's cousin, informed me everyone would go out and "get drunk because we are single." So the entire complicated business was out the window, there it was plain and crystal.
I sent Annie another message. This time I didn't delete my FS or delete anyone from YM. I merely told her I was tired of being played for some naive little idiot (though I was certainly acting like one). I informed her I didn't want to deal with half-truths and giggles for answers. I told her I wanted someone who would communicate with me. I told her she had never tried to be honest, never tried to see my perspective and never tried to feel the slightest empathy for my position. Then I said goodbye.
Five hours later I got a comment from her. She said okay fine you can let go. Sorry if I hurt you. I hope we can be friends, but not now, leave me alone now. I want to forget. Okay so I paraphrased a bit, but that's the basic idea.
A couple nights after that, her friend Jhen popped up on YM. I had actually blocked her because she was the source of a lot of the trouble, but when I saw her come online I figured I'd unblock her and see if she had anything to say. She did. She said she wanted me to forgive her, that Annie was there with her. I asked questions only Annie would know the answer to, and sure enough Annie was there as well. We chatted for about 15 minutes. She said she wanted to be friends, that she wanted me to get to know her again, that she missed and cared about me.
Remember the part about the naive little idiot?
Even though I only agreed to get to know her again, to be her friend, I still felt very strongly about doing just that. I wanted to be her friend, as I had from the beginning. It took little time, however, before I realized she had no intentions of actually being my friend. She did not reply to any message I sent her. She did not reply to any comment I sent her. She did not talk to me in chat unless I asked her a question. Even then it was a one word answer. It's ok, I thought... she's busy. Of course, Wesley gets 2 or 3 messages from her per day, but you know... she's just busy. She talks to him frequently in chat, but she's just busy.
She's missing from chat for 3 days, and takes the time to log on and send him a message saying how she missed him and muah and all that crap. That tore it. If nothing else, I would be better off not knowing how unwanted I was. My friendster dropped from the small number of 6 friends, to the smaller number of 2. I only left Sheryl and Laarmie.
Now there's something twisted. I'd met Sheryl a couple days after I met Annie. She found me through Annie's friendster page and requested an add. Well sure, thought I, an insanely cute Asian girl? Why not?. Well... Annie asked me to be her semi-sorta-quasi-kinda boyfriend roughly eight hours after Sheryl asked me to be her entirely completely absolutey no wishy-washiness about it boyfriend. In retrospect, I could have simply said "no" to both of them rather than remain silent to either. Sheryl decided that since Annie liked me, Annie should have me. Then there was everything complicated with Annie and it may have harmed my friendship with Sheryl. I could have said yes to Sheryl. I did not know at the time, but she is quite the fun person to chat with. She always makes me smile or laugh, she wants me to be happy so she'll try to help me out in any way (even trying to nudge Annie to talk to me when things were messy).
That's not even the craziest part of my February. Yes, I was asked by both girls either at the tail end of March or on February first. Now by the tail end of February, four weeks, I imagine Sheryl will have stopped talking to me as well. Mind, Sheryl does have something to do with the crazier part of February, but I think even crazier still is Laarmie. But she is a story for another post. I'm about to konk...
zzzZZZZzzzz