this is one of those posts when you ask a lot of whys...
this is probably just a momentary emotional thing that will pass in an hour or so but...
life for me has been kind of messy lately...i just read that a friend of mine has gotten engaged, and i know that another friend of mine is getting married in june and for some reason it made me think a lot about stuff...not marriage, because god knows i am not ready for that...and probably won't be for a long time...
i guess its made me think about the stage of life where i am, or i guess where i should be. i'll be twenty-one in a few weeks, and i don't feel like i should be. things that used to be important to me just haven't been lately...i think i let myself get sucked in to the idea that life doesn't have to be complicated; i am tired of dwelling in the past and letting it continue to hurt...i used the excuse that you can't help how you feel, that its not something you choose...it just is...
i think mostly that i'm watching people that i've known and been friends with moving on with their lives, accomplishing things, and generally growing into adults and leaving immature adolescence behind. and i'm not. and for some reason in the last few minutes i've been really bothered by that. when i think about what's been my main focus and what it used to be its so different that i'm a little ashamed. i've done a lot of stupid things, even though deep down i know what is right and what i should be doing to do what is right.
feeling like a hypocrite is the worst...
there are a few things in life that i think truly matter. god, family, your true friends, doing something productive with your life that will hopefully benefit someone other than yourself...music, fashion, tattoos...basically all things scene...yeah its fun and addicting and entertaining...but like so many other things that will pass...we'll all be too old one day to be cool anymore, and then what?
i know that liking god is something that isn't too popular...but for me its something that has been the foundation for so much for basically my entire life...so much could've gone wrong for me ever since i was born, and i really feel that He's taken care of me throughout this tumultuous thing that is my life. i think that if i could somehow get things right with him...marry someone that i love and loves me...and have a family...i would be happy and content...i have no idea if that will ever happen...i just think it would be nice...
...
life for me has been kind of messy lately...i just read that a friend of mine has gotten engaged, and i know that another friend of mine is getting married in june and for some reason it made me think a lot about stuff...not marriage, because god knows i am not ready for that...and probably won't be for a long time...
i guess its made me think about the stage of life where i am, or i guess where i should be. i'll be twenty-one in a few weeks, and i don't feel like i should be. things that used to be important to me just haven't been lately...i think i let myself get sucked in to the idea that life doesn't have to be complicated; i am tired of dwelling in the past and letting it continue to hurt...i used the excuse that you can't help how you feel, that its not something you choose...it just is...
i think mostly that i'm watching people that i've known and been friends with moving on with their lives, accomplishing things, and generally growing into adults and leaving immature adolescence behind. and i'm not. and for some reason in the last few minutes i've been really bothered by that. when i think about what's been my main focus and what it used to be its so different that i'm a little ashamed. i've done a lot of stupid things, even though deep down i know what is right and what i should be doing to do what is right.
feeling like a hypocrite is the worst...
there are a few things in life that i think truly matter. god, family, your true friends, doing something productive with your life that will hopefully benefit someone other than yourself...music, fashion, tattoos...basically all things scene...yeah its fun and addicting and entertaining...but like so many other things that will pass...we'll all be too old one day to be cool anymore, and then what?
i know that liking god is something that isn't too popular...but for me its something that has been the foundation for so much for basically my entire life...so much could've gone wrong for me ever since i was born, and i really feel that He's taken care of me throughout this tumultuous thing that is my life. i think that if i could somehow get things right with him...marry someone that i love and loves me...and have a family...i would be happy and content...i have no idea if that will ever happen...i just think it would be nice...
...