(no subject)
Once in a while I have these moments that can only be described as mental health.
I don't grieve for the coping mechanisms I have left behind. I don't feel the need to feel pain or feel nothing. I realise that life is out there, offering happiness and joy and pure, simple love, and I can't ignore those things. I can evern-- gulp-- want them and cherish them and deserve them.
And in these moments, things are OK. There's some calm and peace I had previously almost forgotten about.
There's that bit in the bible about Paul saying when he was a child, he acted like a child and so forth and sometimes I look at my life and say, "Ok, enough now."
I suppose my current reading selection has something to do with this. Sometimes people with minds like mine need time to figure things out and that figurnig out isn't an easy process- in fact, it's downright mesy, sneaky, unhealthy... and then in the end, you look at yourself and go, "Fuck it. THere's no making mesomething I'm not. And what I am doesn't call for lament, hiding, silencing, guilt. It's pretty good. I deserve better."
And I like it.
I don't grieve for the coping mechanisms I have left behind. I don't feel the need to feel pain or feel nothing. I realise that life is out there, offering happiness and joy and pure, simple love, and I can't ignore those things. I can evern-- gulp-- want them and cherish them and deserve them.
And in these moments, things are OK. There's some calm and peace I had previously almost forgotten about.
There's that bit in the bible about Paul saying when he was a child, he acted like a child and so forth and sometimes I look at my life and say, "Ok, enough now."
I suppose my current reading selection has something to do with this. Sometimes people with minds like mine need time to figure things out and that figurnig out isn't an easy process- in fact, it's downright mesy, sneaky, unhealthy... and then in the end, you look at yourself and go, "Fuck it. THere's no making mesomething I'm not. And what I am doesn't call for lament, hiding, silencing, guilt. It's pretty good. I deserve better."
And I like it.