Oh, poor me. ;) Visit www.musicaendiablous.builtfree.org

[thefacesuntrue]

My poor brain. If it wasn't s contradictive to say that I feel sorry for it, I would. And I do. My brain works so different it's not even funny. One phrase, one song, one word, one view, one lyric, one thing is all it takes for me to sit and think about something for hours, days, weeks, or even months at a time. It's really sad, actually. I can't believe that I can sit here and harp on shit that doesn't even really matter. For instance, I was listening to music (Coldplay-Yellow, to be exact) as I am now and I stopped what I was doing to listen to what he was saying. I liked it, and thought about it for a second. "Wow," I said “I wish I could feel that way." Now people may think, 'oh, he's just feeling sorry for himself, and he wants us to feel sorry for him too' but that's not what I'm after, I'm not pretending I'm depressed so I can get attention. I am not like that and I never will be. I have the "fuck 'em" attitude, basically saying that I don't give a fuck about what people think of me. Many people can confuse that with "being depressed" which when you spell it out, you can't understand why you would confuse the two. You have to witness it to understand. Back to the point, I listened to that song, and I heard what he said and when I thought about it, it made me feel like I wanted it. The lyric was: "Your skin, oh yeah your skin and bones, turn in to something beautiful, and you know, you know I love you so." And that has sparked my sad little brain into a downward spiral of thinking about that "special" someone. I am pretty pathetic when you stop and think about it. Either that or others are just "better off" as I'll put it. Basically I've been thinking about why I'm 18, and have never had anyone to talk to, let alone be in a relationship. I've tried this online bullshit, and that don't work out, I never expected it to though. I'm not asking for anyone to feel, or say anything to make me feel better, I'm just rhetorically asking why. Why does it seem impossible for me to acquire a girlfriend? It's not a necessity, but it is a luxury I would definitely like to indulge in. To say something true, but sounds absolutely fucking retarded, I’m pretty good at giving relationship advice. I’ve helped a bunch of people out, and they said it really did help. How can someone give good relationship advice, without any experience in the problem they are solving? Theoretically, it should be impossible. Think about it. It’s like me telling someone how to play croquet, without ever playing it, and be totally correct in my advice. Just being there to listen to them, is a help in itself. I, however, have nobody other than my mom to talk to, and that is awesome that I can be that close to her, but still not what I’m looking for. Maybe I’m just too needy. Maybe I want too much. Oh well, I doubt anyone will read this since it’s so long and most of my friends don’t like reading enough to actually sit and read this, which doesn’t bother me at all. I’ll leave with a quote:

“Nobody said it was easy. It’s such a shame for us to part. Nobody said it was easy, no one ever said it would be this hard. Oh, take me back to the start.” - Coldplay-The Scientist

And with that, I’m out.

I sign here -> X

Tony Giannotti

P.S. Maybe I should just lay off the depressing music, lol.

P.P.S. If you would like to talk to me, or leave me a note, leave a comment on this site, or go post a message in my forum at www.musicaendiablous.builtfree.org . Peace.