An ordinary Tuesday...
Today, I finally met ankareeda! YAY!!! We had been planning on doing this for so long and I'm glad we finally had the chance to have bad cafeteria coffee and talk. It was a pleasure to meet you and I hope we can do this more often because chatting with you was so much fun. :0) It definitely was a nice change.
Also maj_zoidberg444, I took your package to the post office today. If German Postal Services don't screw up you should have it in a couple of days.
I'm going to put the rest of this entry under a cut, so that the people who don't want to read it don't have. You have been warned. I don't want anybody complaining about me being a whiner and pain in the butt afterwards.
The last two days have been hard. I've been feeling extremely home-sick and sad lately. Memories of Winnipeg, of my family and friends, of Vancouver are constantly flooding my mind and I have a hard time holding back the tears.
I was on the train yesterday, I looked out the window and I felt so displaced and lonely. The air was too warm, the lanscape to green, everything felt strangely unfamiliar. I wanted to close my eyes and wake up some place else, far away from here. Instead, I crawled into bed after coming home but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't stop the tears from falling.
I keep trying to tell myself that I'm just feeling this way because I'm tired and stressed out from what's going on at school or maybe because I'm getting sick. I keep hoping that it will get better but I don't know. Somehow, I'm afraid it's never going to get better. I've had good and bad days since coming back but I don't remember ever feeling like this. I talked to Leena about it today. She says it's not going to go away and it pains me to realize that she may be right.
I have actually been thinking about this a lot. I do believe that we are resonsible for ourselves and how we live our lifes and maybe I'm just not strong enough to make a happy life work for me. But who knows, maybe there is some sort of master plan for all of us and it's my role in life to be unhappy. I guess that, if that was the case and it was just about me, I could live with that. I've become so used to feeling this way over the years. But it's not just about me. It's about all the people I love and who love me and only want the best for me as well. I make them unhappy too, I make them worry about me constantly and that's something that I have a hard time living with.
I want to apologize and make it all go away but I don't know how.
How do you apologize for who you are?
At the moment I want nothing more than snow to come. I can't even tell you why but maybe it's because under a blanket of snow this place won't feel so unfamiliar anymore and things will get better then.
I'm not really making sense right now, so I will just stop here.
Also maj_zoidberg444, I took your package to the post office today. If German Postal Services don't screw up you should have it in a couple of days.
I'm going to put the rest of this entry under a cut, so that the people who don't want to read it don't have. You have been warned. I don't want anybody complaining about me being a whiner and pain in the butt afterwards.
The last two days have been hard. I've been feeling extremely home-sick and sad lately. Memories of Winnipeg, of my family and friends, of Vancouver are constantly flooding my mind and I have a hard time holding back the tears.
I was on the train yesterday, I looked out the window and I felt so displaced and lonely. The air was too warm, the lanscape to green, everything felt strangely unfamiliar. I wanted to close my eyes and wake up some place else, far away from here. Instead, I crawled into bed after coming home but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't stop the tears from falling.
I keep trying to tell myself that I'm just feeling this way because I'm tired and stressed out from what's going on at school or maybe because I'm getting sick. I keep hoping that it will get better but I don't know. Somehow, I'm afraid it's never going to get better. I've had good and bad days since coming back but I don't remember ever feeling like this. I talked to Leena about it today. She says it's not going to go away and it pains me to realize that she may be right.
I have actually been thinking about this a lot. I do believe that we are resonsible for ourselves and how we live our lifes and maybe I'm just not strong enough to make a happy life work for me. But who knows, maybe there is some sort of master plan for all of us and it's my role in life to be unhappy. I guess that, if that was the case and it was just about me, I could live with that. I've become so used to feeling this way over the years. But it's not just about me. It's about all the people I love and who love me and only want the best for me as well. I make them unhappy too, I make them worry about me constantly and that's something that I have a hard time living with.
I want to apologize and make it all go away but I don't know how.
How do you apologize for who you are?
At the moment I want nothing more than snow to come. I can't even tell you why but maybe it's because under a blanket of snow this place won't feel so unfamiliar anymore and things will get better then.
I'm not really making sense right now, so I will just stop here.