The Tallstack
Yes, my weakness for tall men shines through again. The height is actually somewhat comical because he’s so tall that when he squeezed in behind the wheel of his car to give me a ride home at the end of the night, he looked like he was in a clown car: knees all by his ears, elbows akimbo so he could hunch over the steering wheel. I was the only normal reference point in the car that could otherwise inform you we weren’t in a tiny plastic car from Toys ‘R Us. He could also be the Guy With Hair, since it seems that once you go for the 35+ age bracket there is an inverse relationship with hair retention (I’m onto you Yoga Teacher-Musician wearing a hat through the entirety of dinner). He also seemed like a bleeding heart liberal, which are in shorter supply than I got accustomed to living in the Bay Area, but then again, where wouldn’t be? He’s lived in like, half of my dream places (Portland, Providence, etc.) so I couldn’t wait to meet him and talk about it. We did an eternally long email dance that was starting to get unfun when he finally asked me out to a Southern food restaurant. It seemed appropriate since we had spent a few emails poking fun at and being snooty about the South.
I was amazingly, shockingly on time for once in my life. I have issues with the vague “let’s meet at the restaurant at XX time” in general. I need to knoooooow things, like preferably where exactly your ass will be planted and maybe you could be holding a giant red balloon so I know where and who you are. My iPhone just needs an extended map app with a pin marking “Awesome date here.” And maybe subconsciously, that’s why I’m always late for these things - so I don’t have to stand around looking awkward while I wait, feeling like I’m holding my own giant red balloon that trumpets WAITING FOR BLIND DATE. So I squeezed myself into the foyer, thinking that would be an inconspicuous place to wait when in fact people entering and leaving the restaurant couldn’t get past me without physically touching me. Tallstack showed up literally 45 seconds later (and had even sent a text that I didn’t see until later saying that he was two minutes out) and THEN…I did the AWKWARD WAVE through the window. SERIOUSLY. It was a slow motion show of horror with my hand drifting up into the air and jerking around like a broken bird wing. My hand has an awkward mind of its own. Apparently that’s what I did upon meeting GB and he said it endeared me to him. I can’t really hope that’s going to work on everyone. I snatched my hand out of the air, what the EFF hand, and turned it into an awkward handshake hanging in the air turned into even more awkward hug. Awesome.
Luckily, it went uphill from there and was an incredibly fun dinner (minus the drink I ordered that was SALTY. Disgusting. And I like salty things, but a drink, really? Is it a ploy to get me to order more drinks since it made me so damn thirsty?? Well played, restaurant). I think we laughed the entire two hours. Anyone who can tell me he used to work for UPS and then bust a gut when I politely informed him that “I hate UPS with the passion of a thousand fiery suns” is a winner in my book. Or tell me that the title of my autobiography should be called “Covered in Cancer” (yup, the fish feeding disaster story somehow came up, as did the story about the time I slipped and fell on a banana peel. I’m pretty sure this guy thinks I’m actually a cartoon character).
He’s a smarty McSmartypants without acting like one, which I love. I think he might have hidden the fact that he was a math major with a minor in physics if I hadn’t directly asked. He’s handy around the house (the house that he owns) (and did most of the renovations himself) (and it’s at least the SECOND house he’s owned) (going for older men is awesome, screw hair), he’s close with his family, and funny? Did I mention funny? And thinks I’m funny? Win! He differentiates between different types of fancy by holding up his pinky finger for THAT kind of fancy. He rides a motorcycle, which seems completely out of character for him, but he managed to bring up motorcycles on FOUR separate occasions. Yeah, we counted. And he’s practically MY NEIGHBOR. After UPS, he worked for a company in Holland, also doing supply chain logistics stuff, which is what Gareth did. Yup, I’m recycling ex-boyfriends’ career choices/interests in the place of recycling actual ex-boyfriends. And he’s about to do MORE supply chain logistics stuff for Dunkin’ Donuts. Teehee. I got all excited about the prospect of free donuts, oh the major food group giving sustenance to my old lab (it’s cookies in the new lab), but he’s claiming that he plans to be all VIRTUOUS and not EAT any of the donuts, just the free coffee. To which I say, ha! We’ll see about that…
Best of all, I gave him my phone number, but HE HASN’T CALLED. And I love it. I know, there’s something wrong with me, but I very much enjoy the dorky little text messages we’ve been sending each other on daily basis. Next date: meeting at his place, aww yea.
He’s actually only five years older than me but I managed to date myself when I made a Harry Potter reference after he mentioned the cupboard under his stairs. I mean COME ON. And he was all, “Oh, is that where Harry Potter lives? Yeah…I umm, don’t really know…I haven’t read them.” Oh how mortifying. It made me feel about twenty years younger instead of five. And then to recover I did an awkward wave.
I was amazingly, shockingly on time for once in my life. I have issues with the vague “let’s meet at the restaurant at XX time” in general. I need to knoooooow things, like preferably where exactly your ass will be planted and maybe you could be holding a giant red balloon so I know where and who you are. My iPhone just needs an extended map app with a pin marking “Awesome date here.” And maybe subconsciously, that’s why I’m always late for these things - so I don’t have to stand around looking awkward while I wait, feeling like I’m holding my own giant red balloon that trumpets WAITING FOR BLIND DATE. So I squeezed myself into the foyer, thinking that would be an inconspicuous place to wait when in fact people entering and leaving the restaurant couldn’t get past me without physically touching me. Tallstack showed up literally 45 seconds later (and had even sent a text that I didn’t see until later saying that he was two minutes out) and THEN…I did the AWKWARD WAVE through the window. SERIOUSLY. It was a slow motion show of horror with my hand drifting up into the air and jerking around like a broken bird wing. My hand has an awkward mind of its own. Apparently that’s what I did upon meeting GB and he said it endeared me to him. I can’t really hope that’s going to work on everyone. I snatched my hand out of the air, what the EFF hand, and turned it into an awkward handshake hanging in the air turned into even more awkward hug. Awesome.
Luckily, it went uphill from there and was an incredibly fun dinner (minus the drink I ordered that was SALTY. Disgusting. And I like salty things, but a drink, really? Is it a ploy to get me to order more drinks since it made me so damn thirsty?? Well played, restaurant). I think we laughed the entire two hours. Anyone who can tell me he used to work for UPS and then bust a gut when I politely informed him that “I hate UPS with the passion of a thousand fiery suns” is a winner in my book. Or tell me that the title of my autobiography should be called “Covered in Cancer” (yup, the fish feeding disaster story somehow came up, as did the story about the time I slipped and fell on a banana peel. I’m pretty sure this guy thinks I’m actually a cartoon character).
He’s a smarty McSmartypants without acting like one, which I love. I think he might have hidden the fact that he was a math major with a minor in physics if I hadn’t directly asked. He’s handy around the house (the house that he owns) (and did most of the renovations himself) (and it’s at least the SECOND house he’s owned) (going for older men is awesome, screw hair), he’s close with his family, and funny? Did I mention funny? And thinks I’m funny? Win! He differentiates between different types of fancy by holding up his pinky finger for THAT kind of fancy. He rides a motorcycle, which seems completely out of character for him, but he managed to bring up motorcycles on FOUR separate occasions. Yeah, we counted. And he’s practically MY NEIGHBOR. After UPS, he worked for a company in Holland, also doing supply chain logistics stuff, which is what Gareth did. Yup, I’m recycling ex-boyfriends’ career choices/interests in the place of recycling actual ex-boyfriends. And he’s about to do MORE supply chain logistics stuff for Dunkin’ Donuts. Teehee. I got all excited about the prospect of free donuts, oh the major food group giving sustenance to my old lab (it’s cookies in the new lab), but he’s claiming that he plans to be all VIRTUOUS and not EAT any of the donuts, just the free coffee. To which I say, ha! We’ll see about that…
Best of all, I gave him my phone number, but HE HASN’T CALLED. And I love it. I know, there’s something wrong with me, but I very much enjoy the dorky little text messages we’ve been sending each other on daily basis. Next date: meeting at his place, aww yea.
He’s actually only five years older than me but I managed to date myself when I made a Harry Potter reference after he mentioned the cupboard under his stairs. I mean COME ON. And he was all, “Oh, is that where Harry Potter lives? Yeah…I umm, don’t really know…I haven’t read them.” Oh how mortifying. It made me feel about twenty years younger instead of five. And then to recover I did an awkward wave.