Childhood Depression..was nothing.
Welcome, friends.
Welcome, family..
oh, youre neither.
i have a family though. a dad and a mom and a sister.
as a kid. younger than 18..
i didnt like my family.
i didnt care.
and guess what?
had they let that effect the way they feel about me..
i'd be dead right now. most likely.
i dont really have friends that care
the only person i ever had that cared.
im losing with every passing minute.
its horrible.
i dont have anyone i can talk to like her.
i cant be honest with people. and its all i want.
people get sick of me. i guess. i thought i was likeable.
im losing my ability to talk to people, not that i ever had much of one before.
i dont like going in public and i cringe at the thought of working retail and dealing with people everyday. i was supposed to be gaining parts of myself and instead im losing my mind.
she doesnt say "i love you" anymore.
because she doesnt. i guess.
coming to livejournal was a bad idea. i didnt want to know the things i discovered. anger is the easiest emotion to tap into. remember that. youre being easy when youre angry. but when youre angry, who gives a fuck? because i dont.
talking to her makes me miss her more.
none of you will match up. i dont care what you think you know, you dont. When a soul is rich and genuine and beautiful. theres nothing you can do to change that. passion.
when is my fucking band going to be on tour fulltime?
i quit work to dedicate myself to this band.
i made some progress. some is worse than none at this point.
because we got a taste. i could slightly see over this huge fucking razor wired ass fence..
and i felt great about it. it was like getting really high..off a part of life..for a change..
but then when we came down..and the phonecalls stopped doing any good..and we get the "my staff is at a 50/50 with you guys, i need a 75/25 to offer a deal" and suddenly..we're depedning on a new demo to get this fucking deal. but it might not even do it, that might not be enough. and nobody else is knocking. so i have to wait until we get this done. hope it gets the point across and hope it sways peoples votes. so i can live my dream. its pretty shitty of me really, to be pissed unless im living a dream. i guess not many people get that. but i have to. i cant deal with it any other way. i am not a success as a person and as a life..until im doing what i want to do and shit gets solid.
so il be depressed until then.
i hope i get the job at sonar. i could stomach that for a while.
Welcome, family..
oh, youre neither.
i have a family though. a dad and a mom and a sister.
as a kid. younger than 18..
i didnt like my family.
i didnt care.
and guess what?
had they let that effect the way they feel about me..
i'd be dead right now. most likely.
i dont really have friends that care
the only person i ever had that cared.
im losing with every passing minute.
its horrible.
i dont have anyone i can talk to like her.
i cant be honest with people. and its all i want.
people get sick of me. i guess. i thought i was likeable.
im losing my ability to talk to people, not that i ever had much of one before.
i dont like going in public and i cringe at the thought of working retail and dealing with people everyday. i was supposed to be gaining parts of myself and instead im losing my mind.
she doesnt say "i love you" anymore.
because she doesnt. i guess.
coming to livejournal was a bad idea. i didnt want to know the things i discovered. anger is the easiest emotion to tap into. remember that. youre being easy when youre angry. but when youre angry, who gives a fuck? because i dont.
talking to her makes me miss her more.
none of you will match up. i dont care what you think you know, you dont. When a soul is rich and genuine and beautiful. theres nothing you can do to change that. passion.
when is my fucking band going to be on tour fulltime?
i quit work to dedicate myself to this band.
i made some progress. some is worse than none at this point.
because we got a taste. i could slightly see over this huge fucking razor wired ass fence..
and i felt great about it. it was like getting really high..off a part of life..for a change..
but then when we came down..and the phonecalls stopped doing any good..and we get the "my staff is at a 50/50 with you guys, i need a 75/25 to offer a deal" and suddenly..we're depedning on a new demo to get this fucking deal. but it might not even do it, that might not be enough. and nobody else is knocking. so i have to wait until we get this done. hope it gets the point across and hope it sways peoples votes. so i can live my dream. its pretty shitty of me really, to be pissed unless im living a dream. i guess not many people get that. but i have to. i cant deal with it any other way. i am not a success as a person and as a life..until im doing what i want to do and shit gets solid.
so il be depressed until then.
i hope i get the job at sonar. i could stomach that for a while.