(no subject)
I guess I can say I'm glad I got thru the week as well as I did. On top of what has happened, I had the fear of hitting post natel depression on top of it. But I think my body is adjusting well. Ive had a lot of highs and lows, but I try to get thru the bad thoughts by pushing myself to think of the positive sides. I'm glad she went peacefully. I'm glad the problem was caught now, instead of later. I'm positive that my next child will be healthy. I'm glad the midwives keep coming to my house to make sure I'm okay, and to reassure me that she went the best way possible. And I'm really really thankful for everyone who has been contacting me to make sure everything is well.
I keep feeling like I have to apologize. To my baby, for not getting to see life. To my parents, for not giving them a granddaughter. To my husband for ... all of it. And to my friend Trish, who was going to have a child at the same time as me.
Its getting very hard to sit home alone all day, I wish I was able to go back to work. But I see babies all the time there, and it would hurt too much. I just dont know what to do with myself right now. 7 more hours before Damien gets off work...
I keep feeling like I have to apologize. To my baby, for not getting to see life. To my parents, for not giving them a granddaughter. To my husband for ... all of it. And to my friend Trish, who was going to have a child at the same time as me.
Its getting very hard to sit home alone all day, I wish I was able to go back to work. But I see babies all the time there, and it would hurt too much. I just dont know what to do with myself right now. 7 more hours before Damien gets off work...