Quick, check if it's a Hallmark!
Last summer I saw an ad in the paper looking for college kids to write greeting cards. I figured it couldn't be that hard and I'm fairly creative, so Desserae and I put our minds together and pumped out a few prototypes.
For Grandpa's Birthday:
Front: Hey Grandpa, it's your birthday!
Inside: I'd give you some birthday punches but you'd probaby get a hematoma. (Insert a cartoon picture of an old man with a terrible bruise, crying in the corner.)
Forgiveness card:
Front: There are 100 reasons why I didn't want to get you a card.
Inside Left: But only one reason why I did...
Inside right: Because I LOVE YOU. (maybe that's a little sappy)
For a man's 40th Birthday:
Front: A silly picture of a monkey wearing a doctors uniform
Inside: Happy 40th ____! I hope there won't be any monkey business at your prostate exam!
For that pesky neighbor:
Front: The grass is always greener on the other side.
Inside: Would you mind returning my lawn mower?
For someone with a weight problem:
Front: The average birthday cake has 81 grams of fat...
Inside: Don't forget to make a wish!
For the 50 year anniversary:
Front: They say laughter makes a relationship strong...
Inside: Good thing I've had your face to look at all these years!
(alternate): Good thing your face is all busted up!
(alternate): Who the fuck is they?
Mom's Birthday:
Your meatloaf was burnt
Your stuffing was dry
Your potatoes were cold
But I had to lie
You're not the best cook
I hate to drop the bomb
But I love you anyway..
'Cause you're a great mom!
Valentines Day:
You gave me some lovin'
when I had that funky smell
Happy Valentines Day
I love you like hell
Front: I was going to break up with you, but it's Valentines Day
Inside: Just kidding! You know I love ya.
Birthday:
Front: What's the difference between Michael Jackson and your birthday?
Inside: Who can tell? Here have a drink on me. (has a little spot to put cash)
Miscellaneous:
Front: I went all over town trying to find a card just for you..
Inside left: But I couldn't find it so I borrowed this one..
Inside right:
Dear John
Dave
Rex
Tim,
You are mad special!
Love,
Sean
For Grandpa's Birthday:
Front: Hey Grandpa, it's your birthday!
Inside: I'd give you some birthday punches but you'd probaby get a hematoma. (Insert a cartoon picture of an old man with a terrible bruise, crying in the corner.)
Forgiveness card:
Front: There are 100 reasons why I didn't want to get you a card.
Inside Left: But only one reason why I did...
Inside right: Because I LOVE YOU. (maybe that's a little sappy)
For a man's 40th Birthday:
Front: A silly picture of a monkey wearing a doctors uniform
Inside: Happy 40th ____! I hope there won't be any monkey business at your prostate exam!
For that pesky neighbor:
Front: The grass is always greener on the other side.
Inside: Would you mind returning my lawn mower?
For someone with a weight problem:
Front: The average birthday cake has 81 grams of fat...
Inside: Don't forget to make a wish!
For the 50 year anniversary:
Front: They say laughter makes a relationship strong...
Inside: Good thing I've had your face to look at all these years!
(alternate): Good thing your face is all busted up!
(alternate): Who the fuck is they?
Mom's Birthday:
Your meatloaf was burnt
Your stuffing was dry
Your potatoes were cold
But I had to lie
You're not the best cook
I hate to drop the bomb
But I love you anyway..
'Cause you're a great mom!
Valentines Day:
You gave me some lovin'
when I had that funky smell
Happy Valentines Day
I love you like hell
Front: I was going to break up with you, but it's Valentines Day
Inside: Just kidding! You know I love ya.
Birthday:
Front: What's the difference between Michael Jackson and your birthday?
Inside: Who can tell? Here have a drink on me. (has a little spot to put cash)
Miscellaneous:
Front: I went all over town trying to find a card just for you..
Inside left: But I couldn't find it so I borrowed this one..
Inside right:
Dear John
Dave
Rex
Tim,
You are mad special!
Love,
Sean