Whatever it is, it's not right on the teleprompte...I don't know what that is, I've never seen that.
Last week was the Game. I'm not at liberty to say much about it except that it was really good. I was on team "We'll do it live!" and let me tell you, did we ever do it live. Fuck it! Fucking thing sucks!
Most importantly, I forgot to bring a hat, and nobody brought sunscreen. And then I hung around outside all day, in the sunniest day Seattle has seen since about last August. By the end of the day I was feeling a little bit sunburnt.
"I need to get out of the sun," I said around 5:30pm, a little bit choked up, as I muscled my way into a seat in the van. I hadn't spoken in a while and this drew the attention of my teammates, who all expressed themselves at once.
"Holy shit, man, your head is purple."
"People shouldn't be that colour."
"Your head is some sort of medical mystery!"
"Get in the van already! Holy crap!"
"Fuck it! We'll do it live."
"I know, I know, I'm getting in the van! Dammit, guys! I'm getting in the van, and I'm doing it live."
It was okay for a few hours because it became night time, but if the next day was equally sunny and gorgeous I was going to have serious problems. I wore my hooded sweatshirt for the first half of the day, but as occasionally happens on extremely sunny days it started to get a little bit scorchingly hot. Fortunately, being an extremely hoopy frood, I had come prepared; I had brought my towel. I wrapped it around my head and secured it with an unfolded paperclip I had found on the dashboard.
"...this is your solution?" Sarah asked, observing me skeptically. "You MacGyvered yourself a...burka?"
"It's not a burka!" I insisted. "It's a ninja hood!" I dove and rolled behind a nearby rock to illustrate.
"...a blue fuzzy ninja hood?"
"Yes! I solved the hell out of this problem and I did it live."
"Goddammit Graeme will you stop saying you'll do things live."
"No!" I tried to think of a way to work in the phrase "Fucking thing sucks!", but I couldn't come up with anything so I just stared at her with great intensity. Eventually she scoffed and walked away, and I chalked it up as a total victory. Point: Graeme.
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I finally got sick of going to the grocery store. I hate walking around, putting things in my cart and so forth. I hate it so much that I almost never do it, which means a lot of the time I end up with no food, and completely unmotivated to go get more, which means I end up eating a lot of things which would not normally be considered meals. I decided to start ordering my groceries again on the offchance that not spending all that time wandering around the grocery store might get me to eat something worth eating.
It's my birthday next week and I am making cupcakes to take to work on Tuesday. I carefully ordered everything I needed, meticulously compared the order to the recipe, and immediately after clicking Confirm remembered that I don't have any little paper cupcake cups. I screamed with the agonies of the damned: I was going to have to go to the grocery store, and pay the delivery fee for most of the groceries.
No. Wait. I don't accept this. Fuck going to the grocery store. I'll figure something out, and I'll do it live. Fuck it!
Most importantly, I forgot to bring a hat, and nobody brought sunscreen. And then I hung around outside all day, in the sunniest day Seattle has seen since about last August. By the end of the day I was feeling a little bit sunburnt.
"I need to get out of the sun," I said around 5:30pm, a little bit choked up, as I muscled my way into a seat in the van. I hadn't spoken in a while and this drew the attention of my teammates, who all expressed themselves at once.
"Holy shit, man, your head is purple."
"People shouldn't be that colour."
"Your head is some sort of medical mystery!"
"Get in the van already! Holy crap!"
"Fuck it! We'll do it live."
"I know, I know, I'm getting in the van! Dammit, guys! I'm getting in the van, and I'm doing it live."
It was okay for a few hours because it became night time, but if the next day was equally sunny and gorgeous I was going to have serious problems. I wore my hooded sweatshirt for the first half of the day, but as occasionally happens on extremely sunny days it started to get a little bit scorchingly hot. Fortunately, being an extremely hoopy frood, I had come prepared; I had brought my towel. I wrapped it around my head and secured it with an unfolded paperclip I had found on the dashboard.
"...this is your solution?" Sarah asked, observing me skeptically. "You MacGyvered yourself a...burka?"
"It's not a burka!" I insisted. "It's a ninja hood!" I dove and rolled behind a nearby rock to illustrate.
"...a blue fuzzy ninja hood?"
"Yes! I solved the hell out of this problem and I did it live."
"Goddammit Graeme will you stop saying you'll do things live."
"No!" I tried to think of a way to work in the phrase "Fucking thing sucks!", but I couldn't come up with anything so I just stared at her with great intensity. Eventually she scoffed and walked away, and I chalked it up as a total victory. Point: Graeme.
----------
I finally got sick of going to the grocery store. I hate walking around, putting things in my cart and so forth. I hate it so much that I almost never do it, which means a lot of the time I end up with no food, and completely unmotivated to go get more, which means I end up eating a lot of things which would not normally be considered meals. I decided to start ordering my groceries again on the offchance that not spending all that time wandering around the grocery store might get me to eat something worth eating.
It's my birthday next week and I am making cupcakes to take to work on Tuesday. I carefully ordered everything I needed, meticulously compared the order to the recipe, and immediately after clicking Confirm remembered that I don't have any little paper cupcake cups. I screamed with the agonies of the damned: I was going to have to go to the grocery store, and pay the delivery fee for most of the groceries.
No. Wait. I don't accept this. Fuck going to the grocery store. I'll figure something out, and I'll do it live. Fuck it!