I wanna be a Toys R Us kid.
A wise scholar by the name of Behrens once proposed this theory of the funnel, in which we should all celebrate uncertainty and indecision because the more major life decisions you make, the farther you travel down the narrow end of your funnel. There are a lot of people here who are in a pretty big hurry to get to the end of their funnels. (I'm sure this is true at any college, but it is probably at least slightly worse here. If I have somehow not ever told you this before, my school is pretty strange. When my main man coined the phrase The Children of Marx & Coca Cola, I'm pretty sure he was talkin bout this place.) Anyway, I just want to say that, contrary to popular belief, we are still young. And I don't think it's a crime that sometimes (ok, most of the time) I'd rather be signing someone's lawn or having a pie fight or putting flaming dog shit on people's doorsteps and then getting caught and having to go to fire prevention classes.