心の番人物語：承前
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Sun location: Gemini
Moon location: Libra
Moon phase: second quarter
Dream type: smudge of subjective, but it's painfully hard to tell
Reparations Room setting, again. This time I see myself in the room next to it, the room I have to pass through in order to get to the reparations room. I haven't figured out who I'm working for, or what kind of employer they are (morally). I see boring, but friendly, forty-something men in white coats, scribbling away on forms attached to clipboards. There are countertops, test tubes, beakers. Everything here is as painfully white as the walls in the reparations room. A series of hellos from the men chorus as I walk in and put my belongings in a stark white locker. Though I seem to have a different name; I swear I hear one of the men calling me "Angie." I exchange small pleasantries while I'm taking my bucket and bag out from under a stark white counter.
I'm okay until I'm in the rep room and see that the heart that was in the most critical condition has stopped beating. (Don't those men have some monitoring equipment for this room?? Then again, I didn't see any in the previous room.) It's blacker than ever. I stare in horror before reaching out to touch it, to make sure I'm not imagining things, to make sure it's as cold as it looks. My lip tightens as I open my bag and take out some oversized surgical scissors, my normal black-handled scissors, and a roll of tough, clear plastic of some sort. I carefully cut the arteries of the heart and take it out of its torso. Then I slowly wrap it in some of the plastic, cutting that off the roll. I slump to the floor, holding that stone dead heart like a dead child, and I start to sob, hard. Because no matter how attentive I was, no matter how gentle I was, that thing still fucking died.
It reminds me, however dimly, of how I've had something die in my arms once. Many years ago, I ran out into the middle of a busy thoroughfare to try and save some stupid dog who was trying to cross it... very badly. I couldn't make it to the thing in time and watched it get run over twice. I heard its leg bones crack loudly under tires, heard its body get flipped, thumping on the asphalt, heard it yelp in agony. I ran out, scooped it up, ran off the road. The thing was already dying, twitching in my arms. It was stone dead by the time I laid it on a patch of grass. I tried. I didn't save its life, I only saved it from getting run down to a bloody pulp. Just... the weight of that.
Other:
Long have I seen ridiculously high potential in using Stigmata for animated icons. (Though that trailer's off in two ways: it includes a sample of a deleted scene, and a sample of another one that was later partially dubbed over.) I've been a huge, huge fan of the film since its release, and it's the reason I so love Patricia Arquette. This clip is an obvious target for icon-dom... I've often made references to "screaming in agony like Patricia Arquette in Stigmata," though that's only one of the screaming scenes. The scene where she cries tears of blood (1:12) is another one with potential. Stills would be nice as well, especially from the film's beginning (3:01-3:24)... all those candles, the statue crying tears of blood. Hot.
Sun location: Gemini
Moon location: Libra
Moon phase: second quarter
Dream type: smudge of subjective, but it's painfully hard to tell
Reparations Room setting, again. This time I see myself in the room next to it, the room I have to pass through in order to get to the reparations room. I haven't figured out who I'm working for, or what kind of employer they are (morally). I see boring, but friendly, forty-something men in white coats, scribbling away on forms attached to clipboards. There are countertops, test tubes, beakers. Everything here is as painfully white as the walls in the reparations room. A series of hellos from the men chorus as I walk in and put my belongings in a stark white locker. Though I seem to have a different name; I swear I hear one of the men calling me "Angie." I exchange small pleasantries while I'm taking my bucket and bag out from under a stark white counter.
I'm okay until I'm in the rep room and see that the heart that was in the most critical condition has stopped beating. (Don't those men have some monitoring equipment for this room?? Then again, I didn't see any in the previous room.) It's blacker than ever. I stare in horror before reaching out to touch it, to make sure I'm not imagining things, to make sure it's as cold as it looks. My lip tightens as I open my bag and take out some oversized surgical scissors, my normal black-handled scissors, and a roll of tough, clear plastic of some sort. I carefully cut the arteries of the heart and take it out of its torso. Then I slowly wrap it in some of the plastic, cutting that off the roll. I slump to the floor, holding that stone dead heart like a dead child, and I start to sob, hard. Because no matter how attentive I was, no matter how gentle I was, that thing still fucking died.
It reminds me, however dimly, of how I've had something die in my arms once. Many years ago, I ran out into the middle of a busy thoroughfare to try and save some stupid dog who was trying to cross it... very badly. I couldn't make it to the thing in time and watched it get run over twice. I heard its leg bones crack loudly under tires, heard its body get flipped, thumping on the asphalt, heard it yelp in agony. I ran out, scooped it up, ran off the road. The thing was already dying, twitching in my arms. It was stone dead by the time I laid it on a patch of grass. I tried. I didn't save its life, I only saved it from getting run down to a bloody pulp. Just... the weight of that.
Other:
Long have I seen ridiculously high potential in using Stigmata for animated icons. (Though that trailer's off in two ways: it includes a sample of a deleted scene, and a sample of another one that was later partially dubbed over.) I've been a huge, huge fan of the film since its release, and it's the reason I so love Patricia Arquette. This clip is an obvious target for icon-dom... I've often made references to "screaming in agony like Patricia Arquette in Stigmata," though that's only one of the screaming scenes. The scene where she cries tears of blood (1:12) is another one with potential. Stills would be nice as well, especially from the film's beginning (3:01-3:24)... all those candles, the statue crying tears of blood. Hot.