once again
once again i give up everything.
i'm so emotional.
i haven't eaten all day.
i had 2 yoohoo's and some cold broccolli and
carrots.
after talking to rick on the phone after school;
him just not grasping what i have to deal with,
i got really sick & threw up.
today is a really bad day.
he says he wants to think about what i'm saying b/c
he really wants to know what he's doing wrong.
but i told him.
he can't just adopt what he needs to make things better.
what he needs is absolute trust & that's something
he's NEVER had with me.
this year or last.
maybe it's just me?
maybe i suck so bad?
but no.
this time im sticking up for myself.
it isn't me.
b/c this time i've done nothing wrong.
i've been 100% honest since everything.
the ONLY time i question rick
is after he interogates me; literally.
like he'll flip on me
so i'll do it to him...
only to see if he grasps what i have to deal with...
and i guess just plain and simple:
he doesn't understand.
i'm done doing all i can.
i love him to death
and i always will.
i want to be with him forever.
but right now
it's his time to fight for me
b/c one more outburst
one more session of his yelling
cussins
and assuming...
and i'm literally done.
it's taken a toll on me
that everyone can see
except him
i can't eat
i can't sleep
[oops i shouldn't say i can't sleep
he'll think that means i've been on the
phone all night with roy, andrew, or mike]
-_-
see!?!
i don't feel like showering
i don't feel like moving
or even breathing sometimes.
my heart breaks
SERIOUSLY
everytime he pulls shit like this.
i cry so much.
but see
he'll read this and say these exact words:
why don't you break up with me?
because like i said a million times
and honestly meant
i love you richard george sheets!!!
always.
_goodbye for now
i'm so emotional.
i haven't eaten all day.
i had 2 yoohoo's and some cold broccolli and
carrots.
after talking to rick on the phone after school;
him just not grasping what i have to deal with,
i got really sick & threw up.
today is a really bad day.
he says he wants to think about what i'm saying b/c
he really wants to know what he's doing wrong.
but i told him.
he can't just adopt what he needs to make things better.
what he needs is absolute trust & that's something
he's NEVER had with me.
this year or last.
maybe it's just me?
maybe i suck so bad?
but no.
this time im sticking up for myself.
it isn't me.
b/c this time i've done nothing wrong.
i've been 100% honest since everything.
the ONLY time i question rick
is after he interogates me; literally.
like he'll flip on me
so i'll do it to him...
only to see if he grasps what i have to deal with...
and i guess just plain and simple:
he doesn't understand.
i'm done doing all i can.
i love him to death
and i always will.
i want to be with him forever.
but right now
it's his time to fight for me
b/c one more outburst
one more session of his yelling
cussins
and assuming...
and i'm literally done.
it's taken a toll on me
that everyone can see
except him
i can't eat
i can't sleep
[oops i shouldn't say i can't sleep
he'll think that means i've been on the
phone all night with roy, andrew, or mike]
-_-
see!?!
i don't feel like showering
i don't feel like moving
or even breathing sometimes.
my heart breaks
SERIOUSLY
everytime he pulls shit like this.
i cry so much.
but see
he'll read this and say these exact words:
why don't you break up with me?
because like i said a million times
and honestly meant
i love you richard george sheets!!!
always.
_goodbye for now