(no subject)
mornings i jumpedonthebed
and soaked it all innn
gotta see boy and girl friends:
seattle is the nicest place i've ever left on a plane
half moon bay was the hardest.
august twenty fourth i wrote:
back in the habit of going to and from the same places again. same roads, same walks, same ugly fucking faces and voices i wish i could just put earplugs in before and after. and take them out only when i want to like when i'm in my house. when i'm at a road where i know no one's gonna want to pretend they give a shit about my summer when i don't even remember their name.
on the plane coming back they found some lotion in one of my carry-ons and not only went through that bag but through my purse and through all my pockets and patted me down with one of those things. i wanted to say something witty to the woman rubbing her detector all over me but i was not up for dealing with anything else. and i didn't have earplugs. and the place i had just called my home for 3 months was behind me and i was about to go to this same ol' place where i only have two other towns.
today i am writing about the past to play ketchup:
got back to parents and little brother who loves me i love him more missed him walked around some with little sister must've missed her cos it felt damn good just to share a space YEAH then the next day i started school again this is taking too long 5 years is too long for anything that you can write on a piece of paper it was a struggle even though i am not bogged this is last year on repeat except now i know what i'm missing so that first weekend after i went to charleston DIRECT CIRCUITS REJOIN / SPIRITS / SEQUENTIAL CIRCUITS / EE-LEK-TREH-SIH-TEE
there was an art show where i was in a painting (green shirt)
where free glasses filled with free time only red like blood i was like blood in my stomach mouth eyes all i saw everywhere was blood and then someone reminded me of flesh and i could sell merchandise
zines with a picture of my perfect house that i lived in before i later painted it with paint that made dance with light
next day (beach with 2 boys, layed in shallow water being bit by little critters me most of all) next night we went to ex-boyfriend ryan's and jodie's newly departed russian WHO COOKED US EGGPLANT DINNER (with a bagful of babies taped on his shirt, taped by me) i had fireflies up my skirt glowing and when my skirt came up over my knees everyone saw their golden sparkles and i felt like i could be a trapeeze artist. the best part may have been walking home
because oh i forget the rules they were something like PROTECT AND POUNCE and something about keeping me in the middle or protecting me (SISTERS) because maybe i had more than everyone else to drink probably because i had not drank over the summer at all (maybe once) and it was time to try and regain something, put myself back in different place. afterall, i was back. i am.
so went another week of school
AND WE'RE STILL DOING THURSDAYS cos she lives RIGHT DOWN THE STREET
and again, to my second town, this time it is called winston-salem where i came upon an emergency of mr. burnes i did not know about this
but don't worry it is only an allergic reaction and the girls of the house were out riding around in trucks
like this is the south oh right it is so i sat outside and jason came home with a compliment to my hair but only because he is growing out his own, in both places (beardhead) so TO THE CONCERT i was with the band what else is new am i never not with the band? sake did nothing. still trying to get over the sickness i retained from sleeping in the same bed as jodie IN CHARLESTON, almost fell asleep on the hood of the car, took my phone for a good phone call across the country to a friend i wish never left or at least i could have said goodbye to-- cramped coming home,,, so cramped, everything limbs arms eyes falling asleep with hour long jokes at a time the car with great boy friends cramped band equipment like always
next day something like i was too sick to ride bikes so i sat in a curvy orange chair and drank tea in shorts too short they showed bruises on my upper thighs from what i don't know started to bruise easy since maybe not enough protein-- helped problem solve a friend's relationship or helped him understand i have been in too many relationships it is time for a pause ; also visited many popular chains of restaurants commercial businesses red shoes got me through it like dorthy through wizard of oz. mismatched your parking space brother! home in rain i did miss rain this summer more than i can express- home for wine and dine and a guilty pleasure called THE FRAGILE then walk then home then basement sleep and the next morning my car wouldn't start [jason jumped it so goodbye nicely
here goes 2 more days of school
and a weekend for me with my books, paper, pens, heels, and solidarity
i am so ready to make a tent