Fireplace - Home
Chapter five of Fireplace.
Home.
The city stretched out beneath his feet, the grey of the pavement reflected the concrete tower blocks, the clouds above, the faces of the people passing by. Guy had survived the dinner the night before, had done his best to ignore the ring of Chris’ finger, to ignore the simple smile he wore whenever he looked at his wife. Even now, Guy tried to block the memories from his mind.
Alone in the city one more, he walked, plodding along the roads, following his childhood oaths, remembering.
The sight, the smell, the feeling of the city still repulsed him in a way, just as it had when he had left for what he had through would be forever. Of course, he had secretly known that no one can ever escape their past, escape the rigid way of life dictated to them since birth. But he had wanted that, more than - he had thought - anything else. Now, though, Guy knew he had been very much mistaken.
The park where he had spent much of his childhood was still thriving, its green grass a little unruly, unkempt. A few of the trees had long since dropped their leaves, and those that remained on the ground were now being used by children.
Guy could remember climbing deep into the bushed, forgetting himself, trying to get lost. With bruised knees and scratched arms he would always re-emerge, not far from where he had entered, his parents still watching anxiously. Chris would always be at their side, waiting.
When Guy had moved away, run from the constant memory of what he had lost, he had lost something else. In a way, in some twist of his ruined mind, he had hoped that Toni would leave Chris, would come and find him. But she wouldn’t follow - she couldn’t. He had already run away, had already left her, and now she had found something constant. Even if it wasn’t real.
He traipsed on, in full knowledge of what he had lost through his own remarkable mistakes, of what he had missed. He shook his head, trying to bring himself back to reality, needing to realise what he could and couldn’t do. The memory of Toni’s eyes filled his mind, her smiling face. She was so much more than that, and what she meant to him was indefinable.
Guy couldn’t let go of the feeling he had for her, what she meant to him. He never had, and never would. He knew that she would haunt him, and he gratefully accepted that.
And he was sure that she, too, she felt the same way about him.
He saw it when she smiled, when her eyes lit up. She looked just as she had when they had first been together. He could still recognise the hope that lingered when he had broken it off, when both brothers had fallen in and out of love with Sandra Tomlinson. Toni had watched as Guy strung Cathy Bradshaw along, has sat in silence as he used most of the girls in the year. And yet she always stood by him, remained his friend, protected him in a way no one else ever had. That was why she was special; that was why he couldn’t let her go.
The city surrounded him, and Guy finally walked back in the direction of the Warner household. Faces passed by. Some of them he knew, could remember. He recognised all of them, that grim determination in their expressions, that isolated, untouched look. They were all the same in the monotonous city, had all been the same throughout Guy’s life. And, in truth, Guy was the perfect reflection of them all, only worse. He had tried to leave, had been strung on by hope that he might someday be free of it all. He wasn’t any more free now than he had been at sixteen.
Tower blocks and businesses faded into apartments, into houses. They became fewer, sparser, as Guy travelled the long distance from the inner city to the suburbs, his feet hitting the hard, cold pavement every step.
The hill up to the house was like a mountain, steep and indeterminate. Guy remembered the feeling of freedom when he had flown down on a bike, and the long slow climb back up to his parents and their house, their family.
Now, though, it wasn’t as hard. His parents no longer waited at the top. Instead, there was something much better. Although the house remained, the family did not. The tables had turned and things had finally changed, perhaps even to change again.
The white walls rose up, towering over him, and Guy pushed open the door. Inside, he found Toni, perching on the arm of the sofa, a phone glued to her ear.
“Yeah, sweet as,” she said, not looking up at guy. “Don’t worry about it. I won’t see you tomorrow, then, but the day after. Okay, bye.” She pressed a button on the phone and then made her way to the shelf to put the phone down.
Guy took a step toward her. Finally, she turned to look at him. “Nice walk around town?” she asked.
“It hasn’t changed,” he answered. He noticed as her expression flickered slightly, and his own smile crumbled. “Is everything alright?” he asked, taking another step forwards.
“Of course,” she answered. “Why wouldn’t it be?”
“Listen,” said Guy, “I meant what I said yesterday, Toni. You mean everything to me, just like you always have.” He hesitated, then stepped towards her again.
Toni nodded. “You mean a lot to me, too, Guy,” she said. He gently pulled her into him arms, but soon pushed him away. “We can’t, Guy,” she told him. “We can’t be anything more than good friends - I’m married.”
“I know,” Guy said. “I’m the only one who hasn’t moved on since then.”
Toni shook her head softly. “You’re not the only one, Guy.”
Unseen, Chris stood at the window, watching. His shone slightly in the sun, his lips were now just two pale lines. His heart was sinking in his chest. As Toni moved towards the kitchen, Guy followed. Chris had seen that expression on Guy’s face before.
Moving away from the window so as not to be spotted, Chris knew there was nothing he could now do but wait until Guy left again. Guy was brother, and Chris would stand resolutely beside him, in silence. Just as him parents would have wanted him to.
Home.
The city stretched out beneath his feet, the grey of the pavement reflected the concrete tower blocks, the clouds above, the faces of the people passing by. Guy had survived the dinner the night before, had done his best to ignore the ring of Chris’ finger, to ignore the simple smile he wore whenever he looked at his wife. Even now, Guy tried to block the memories from his mind.
Alone in the city one more, he walked, plodding along the roads, following his childhood oaths, remembering.
The sight, the smell, the feeling of the city still repulsed him in a way, just as it had when he had left for what he had through would be forever. Of course, he had secretly known that no one can ever escape their past, escape the rigid way of life dictated to them since birth. But he had wanted that, more than - he had thought - anything else. Now, though, Guy knew he had been very much mistaken.
The park where he had spent much of his childhood was still thriving, its green grass a little unruly, unkempt. A few of the trees had long since dropped their leaves, and those that remained on the ground were now being used by children.
Guy could remember climbing deep into the bushed, forgetting himself, trying to get lost. With bruised knees and scratched arms he would always re-emerge, not far from where he had entered, his parents still watching anxiously. Chris would always be at their side, waiting.
When Guy had moved away, run from the constant memory of what he had lost, he had lost something else. In a way, in some twist of his ruined mind, he had hoped that Toni would leave Chris, would come and find him. But she wouldn’t follow - she couldn’t. He had already run away, had already left her, and now she had found something constant. Even if it wasn’t real.
He traipsed on, in full knowledge of what he had lost through his own remarkable mistakes, of what he had missed. He shook his head, trying to bring himself back to reality, needing to realise what he could and couldn’t do. The memory of Toni’s eyes filled his mind, her smiling face. She was so much more than that, and what she meant to him was indefinable.
Guy couldn’t let go of the feeling he had for her, what she meant to him. He never had, and never would. He knew that she would haunt him, and he gratefully accepted that.
And he was sure that she, too, she felt the same way about him.
He saw it when she smiled, when her eyes lit up. She looked just as she had when they had first been together. He could still recognise the hope that lingered when he had broken it off, when both brothers had fallen in and out of love with Sandra Tomlinson. Toni had watched as Guy strung Cathy Bradshaw along, has sat in silence as he used most of the girls in the year. And yet she always stood by him, remained his friend, protected him in a way no one else ever had. That was why she was special; that was why he couldn’t let her go.
The city surrounded him, and Guy finally walked back in the direction of the Warner household. Faces passed by. Some of them he knew, could remember. He recognised all of them, that grim determination in their expressions, that isolated, untouched look. They were all the same in the monotonous city, had all been the same throughout Guy’s life. And, in truth, Guy was the perfect reflection of them all, only worse. He had tried to leave, had been strung on by hope that he might someday be free of it all. He wasn’t any more free now than he had been at sixteen.
Tower blocks and businesses faded into apartments, into houses. They became fewer, sparser, as Guy travelled the long distance from the inner city to the suburbs, his feet hitting the hard, cold pavement every step.
The hill up to the house was like a mountain, steep and indeterminate. Guy remembered the feeling of freedom when he had flown down on a bike, and the long slow climb back up to his parents and their house, their family.
Now, though, it wasn’t as hard. His parents no longer waited at the top. Instead, there was something much better. Although the house remained, the family did not. The tables had turned and things had finally changed, perhaps even to change again.
The white walls rose up, towering over him, and Guy pushed open the door. Inside, he found Toni, perching on the arm of the sofa, a phone glued to her ear.
“Yeah, sweet as,” she said, not looking up at guy. “Don’t worry about it. I won’t see you tomorrow, then, but the day after. Okay, bye.” She pressed a button on the phone and then made her way to the shelf to put the phone down.
Guy took a step toward her. Finally, she turned to look at him. “Nice walk around town?” she asked.
“It hasn’t changed,” he answered. He noticed as her expression flickered slightly, and his own smile crumbled. “Is everything alright?” he asked, taking another step forwards.
“Of course,” she answered. “Why wouldn’t it be?”
“Listen,” said Guy, “I meant what I said yesterday, Toni. You mean everything to me, just like you always have.” He hesitated, then stepped towards her again.
Toni nodded. “You mean a lot to me, too, Guy,” she said. He gently pulled her into him arms, but soon pushed him away. “We can’t, Guy,” she told him. “We can’t be anything more than good friends - I’m married.”
“I know,” Guy said. “I’m the only one who hasn’t moved on since then.”
Toni shook her head softly. “You’re not the only one, Guy.”
Unseen, Chris stood at the window, watching. His shone slightly in the sun, his lips were now just two pale lines. His heart was sinking in his chest. As Toni moved towards the kitchen, Guy followed. Chris had seen that expression on Guy’s face before.
Moving away from the window so as not to be spotted, Chris knew there was nothing he could now do but wait until Guy left again. Guy was brother, and Chris would stand resolutely beside him, in silence. Just as him parents would have wanted him to.