Feeling down
I feel bad. Well, maybe "bad" is not the best term, maybe more "blah" or something. I cannot define what it is completely; it is probably a combination of things, so I thought I would write some of it out. I am feeling better physically; the cold is almost gone. Most of it is emotional, I guess.
I am here in Indianapolis. I came up with my wife on one of her monthly jaunts for work. I am working during the day. The firm has an office on the 16-17th floors downtown and I am "hoteling", signed in and using a vacant office. I have always asked for a cube, but as I have "manager" in my title, I am given an office. In the past, the office faced south and I got a lovely view of another office building. This time, it is on the north side and the view is much better. The weather since I've been here has been cloudy, grey and dreary. Most of the time, my back is to the window, so that does not matter too much. Today is the skies are clear and blue and it is cold outside. But, that has not helped my mood much.
I think part of it has to do with nostalgia. I mean, I love my friends and love seeing them and maybe it was because I've been sick, but the time seems too short. Part of me misses the life I had here. Sure I like living in Tampa, but there is something missing; connections. Sure, I am good at making friends and I have made some through work and am starting to look for organizations and such in the area to expand out a bit further. And, I know it takes time to make close friendships. Heck, I'd lived in Indy 30 years; I cannot say all the friendships lasted that long, but some are close.
I also know it is harder for T. She is up here once a month and she meets with our old friends every time she comes up. (I wonder if that makes it harder to let go of Indy and expand in Tampa?) But, when she is in Tampa, she is in her home office during the day and does not get out much, unless it is with me. There are many reasons. Some are because she travels so much (1 week a month takes out two weekends, generally), because she has an introverted personalty type/trait, because we have things we have to do to the house and yard, and more I am sure. She has made some friends and was starting to get close to one friend and her husband. I am hoping I did not ruin that.
You see, I posted last week or the week before a post on "Talking about Religion/Politics". It was a post in my journal, but as you know, posts propagate to "Friends" pages and friends do respond to those posts (that is why it is termed a social network). A new friend (the new friend of T's) posted a response to my entry and another new friend (of a friend) posted too. The new friend (of T's) felt attacked and responded. While I am not positive the either one wanted to start a "flamewar", it was taken that way and posts went back and forth. In flame wars, there is no winner and no loser. Usually, both sides "burn out" and walk away thinking they won, thinking the other side to be stupid and accuse the each other of being close minded. In actuality, both sides lose.
What is worse is that I stepped in, trying to find some peace or middle ground and T's friend saw it as me siding with the other (I was just trying to calm the tone of posts down). I also made the mistake of starting a response to a post that was on my "friend's page". It was incomplete, more a free-thought flow of an idea, which is generally how I start out. I got interrupted by an unscheduled call and when the call was done, I packed up to go pick up T. I assumed I would finished the the post later that evening. The post, while not offensive or written in anger or with malice, somehow got posted (I swear, I did not post it as I knew my thoughts and therefore the post was not complete). T told me she read it before I picked her up. I've since removed the post and posted an apology. My fear is that my post, my attempted intervention, and my response may have damaged the new friendship that my wife was trying to make. For that, I am sorry. I, too, liked T's friend (which is why I added her to my friends list) and I enjoyed the time we spent at the Ren fair with her and her husband. I always try to accept my people (strangers and friends) for their differences.
Anyway, I guess that the main reason why I am feeling down today.
Peace,
Bear
I am here in Indianapolis. I came up with my wife on one of her monthly jaunts for work. I am working during the day. The firm has an office on the 16-17th floors downtown and I am "hoteling", signed in and using a vacant office. I have always asked for a cube, but as I have "manager" in my title, I am given an office. In the past, the office faced south and I got a lovely view of another office building. This time, it is on the north side and the view is much better. The weather since I've been here has been cloudy, grey and dreary. Most of the time, my back is to the window, so that does not matter too much. Today is the skies are clear and blue and it is cold outside. But, that has not helped my mood much.
I think part of it has to do with nostalgia. I mean, I love my friends and love seeing them and maybe it was because I've been sick, but the time seems too short. Part of me misses the life I had here. Sure I like living in Tampa, but there is something missing; connections. Sure, I am good at making friends and I have made some through work and am starting to look for organizations and such in the area to expand out a bit further. And, I know it takes time to make close friendships. Heck, I'd lived in Indy 30 years; I cannot say all the friendships lasted that long, but some are close.
I also know it is harder for T. She is up here once a month and she meets with our old friends every time she comes up. (I wonder if that makes it harder to let go of Indy and expand in Tampa?) But, when she is in Tampa, she is in her home office during the day and does not get out much, unless it is with me. There are many reasons. Some are because she travels so much (1 week a month takes out two weekends, generally), because she has an introverted personalty type/trait, because we have things we have to do to the house and yard, and more I am sure. She has made some friends and was starting to get close to one friend and her husband. I am hoping I did not ruin that.
You see, I posted last week or the week before a post on "Talking about Religion/Politics". It was a post in my journal, but as you know, posts propagate to "Friends" pages and friends do respond to those posts (that is why it is termed a social network). A new friend (the new friend of T's) posted a response to my entry and another new friend (of a friend) posted too. The new friend (of T's) felt attacked and responded. While I am not positive the either one wanted to start a "flamewar", it was taken that way and posts went back and forth. In flame wars, there is no winner and no loser. Usually, both sides "burn out" and walk away thinking they won, thinking the other side to be stupid and accuse the each other of being close minded. In actuality, both sides lose.
What is worse is that I stepped in, trying to find some peace or middle ground and T's friend saw it as me siding with the other (I was just trying to calm the tone of posts down). I also made the mistake of starting a response to a post that was on my "friend's page". It was incomplete, more a free-thought flow of an idea, which is generally how I start out. I got interrupted by an unscheduled call and when the call was done, I packed up to go pick up T. I assumed I would finished the the post later that evening. The post, while not offensive or written in anger or with malice, somehow got posted (I swear, I did not post it as I knew my thoughts and therefore the post was not complete). T told me she read it before I picked her up. I've since removed the post and posted an apology. My fear is that my post, my attempted intervention, and my response may have damaged the new friendship that my wife was trying to make. For that, I am sorry. I, too, liked T's friend (which is why I added her to my friends list) and I enjoyed the time we spent at the Ren fair with her and her husband. I always try to accept my people (strangers and friends) for their differences.
Anyway, I guess that the main reason why I am feeling down today.
Peace,
Bear