jon stewart is my hero
bernard goldberg (interviewee, author of one hundred people who are screwing up america: chevy chase goes to kennedy center in washington, d.c., at a gala where people are wearing tuxedoes and gowns, and calls the president of the united states a dumb *blank* (yes, he said blank instead of fuck).
jon: once upon a time, thomas jefferson fucked slaves. like, i guess what i'm saying is the nostalgia for the culture is -
goldberg: am i supposed to take the other side of that?!
jon: no! but, what i'm suggesting is, yes, chevy chase used a *bad word* on tv at the kennedy center but segregation no longer exists. slavery is gone -
goldberg: ah right right -
jon: that's real culture and real vulgarity -
goldberg: right, and every time -
jon: this is just words.
goldberg: well just words. okay. okay so -
APPLAUSE AND CHEERING. Jon lifts leg on table like a dog peeing.
goldberg: ok, let's see if everybody claps over just words. let's say we had a bigot channel.
jon: we do.
LAUGHTER!!
goldberg: go ahead. say it and you're gonna make my point.
jon: i'm kidding! no no i'm kidding! i'm kidding!
goldberg: well, but say it. say it, and you're gonna make my point.
jon: i'm kidding! i'm kidding!
goldberg: well but say it. you'll make my -
jon: say what?
goldberg: what - what's the channel? the bigot channel.
jon: oh no, i was actually going to say NBC.
goldberg: okay.
LAUGHTER
goldberg: you are so...
LAUGHTER
goldberg: okay, so let's say there's the bigot channel, and on the bigot channel, hispanics are spics, and jews are kykes (i don't know how to spell that...that's probably a good thing), and gays are faggots, and black people are you-know-what, alright?
jon: (starts laughing)
goldberg: and then you say - no wait a second. and then you say -
jon: you were gonna say well-hung.
and then the conversation continued.
AND TODAY IS HARRY POTTER DAY!!!!!!!
jon: once upon a time, thomas jefferson fucked slaves. like, i guess what i'm saying is the nostalgia for the culture is -
goldberg: am i supposed to take the other side of that?!
jon: no! but, what i'm suggesting is, yes, chevy chase used a *bad word* on tv at the kennedy center but segregation no longer exists. slavery is gone -
goldberg: ah right right -
jon: that's real culture and real vulgarity -
goldberg: right, and every time -
jon: this is just words.
goldberg: well just words. okay. okay so -
APPLAUSE AND CHEERING. Jon lifts leg on table like a dog peeing.
goldberg: ok, let's see if everybody claps over just words. let's say we had a bigot channel.
jon: we do.
LAUGHTER!!
goldberg: go ahead. say it and you're gonna make my point.
jon: i'm kidding! no no i'm kidding! i'm kidding!
goldberg: well, but say it. say it, and you're gonna make my point.
jon: i'm kidding! i'm kidding!
goldberg: well but say it. you'll make my -
jon: say what?
goldberg: what - what's the channel? the bigot channel.
jon: oh no, i was actually going to say NBC.
goldberg: okay.
LAUGHTER
goldberg: you are so...
LAUGHTER
goldberg: okay, so let's say there's the bigot channel, and on the bigot channel, hispanics are spics, and jews are kykes (i don't know how to spell that...that's probably a good thing), and gays are faggots, and black people are you-know-what, alright?
jon: (starts laughing)
goldberg: and then you say - no wait a second. and then you say -
jon: you were gonna say well-hung.
and then the conversation continued.
AND TODAY IS HARRY POTTER DAY!!!!!!!