We sing the American tune
It turns out that we're having a cloudy fourth of July. I've spent the entirety of the day, which has fallen nicely into just enough activity and work to be done, sitting at the perk in front of my laptop. (Except I didn't do my yoga today. I'm still trying to work out a way of integrating yoga back into my habits.)
I've had a wonderful week+ at the botanic gardens: we've hosted one of the Smithsonian's Amorphophallus titanum plants (re: titan arum) for its first bloom cycle. It was lovely; a deep, velvety plum color, and not nearly as offensively scented as others would have me think. Shea and I also visited the Natural History Museum (which I discovered also hosts a library, an addition to my list of conquests) and saw a really nifty exhibit on geology, including local Appalachian history; the Hope diamond; and a giant sloth (skeleton). I am really taken by the paintings their mammals and dinosaurs exhibit uses to depict the eras of life; I remember them from my childhood, and they are as breathtaking as ever. It was crowded, though, and we didn't stay terribly long.
Last week was also the APGA yearly conference, which in 2007 was hosted by the USBG, and kept everyone in our office occupied, if not frantic, for the better part of the week. I went to the reception, which was interesting, and helped finalize the installations in the terrace and National Garden in preparation for the event. I also made about 120 Ask me! buttons from start to finish, and wore one (to no avail, I think I received two questions the whole night, and one wasn't intended for me, anyway) on the night of the reception.
It's a nice thing, working for the botanic gardens. I've made an internal decision not to push anything to make it last; although I'd like for them to offer me a job, I'd rather leave a lasting impression of doing the job for its own sake, and leave it at that, if need-be. The thought of attending that interview terrifies me.
In addition, the discussions about the Peace Corps are heating up. As you may have heard, I didn't get the job at Roosevelt, which was my number one reason for reconsidering the Peace Corps option. The other stalling-block was/is the dental work I'd need to have done to go overseas, which, because I've not had my wisdom teeth removed nor seen a dentist since starting college, is outside my means. Peace Corps informed me of a dental clinic, however, in DC, that may make that problem (at least partially) go away. I don't know-- the thought of low-income dental clinics sounds a bit like the makings of a terrifying bad dream, doesn't it? The only thing missing is me naked without my homework...
But I will say this: sitting here at the perk, staring at the cloudy afternoon, listening to Tori Amos and the Corrs, excerpts from the film adaptation of The Fellowship of the Ring, and Buachaill On Eirne, I have a sense of life coming full circle from a place about five years ago (time ago whose distance I've forgotten), and a change in the air. I can't say what it is just yet; it may not be the Peace Corps at all, but I have learned to trust my intuition in this regard and not to fight it, even if I don't want to hear what it has to say. All I can hear is, The terms you've lived your life by will be changing. Thanks a lot, intuition.
If I do go overseas, I will be spending next July 4th in Africa, missing family and friends. I don't want to sound mopey about international travel, it's just that today's simple mood has me caught in the melancholy of it all. I know, I know, I know there is so much to be happy about in leaving for Africa, and the opportunity it would bring. But it would also bring endings, and their nature is as yet unknown.
And we know, we know, we know
that dreams are just a matter of dancers.
We know that questions are just a matter of answers,
but that hasn't made it easier here below.
I could be feeling a change in the wind and nothing more - I've no complaints to that. I'd rather be feeling it than not, and maybe I just miss my grandmother more than ever. It's inevitable, but I don't want to lose anyone anymore.
We'll drive out to a park to watch the national fireworks show from the Virginia side stay in to avoid tornados; I'll call my grandfather, mother, and cousin, to wish them a happy 4th. My friend, Gwen, will continue searching for employment through the USDA, the light will fall silver down the leaves of an elm across the way and streaks of rain onto the cars; Enigma will continue rockin' out on my headphones. I bought a Hem album recently (Rabbit Songs, highly recommended), and am generally happy. But I didn't think something as mundane as graduation would plop me back down in the strangeness of my mind, my spiritual wanderings, my fate.
I miss friends. I need to start a garden, or get involved with one.