Why I am not a Christian
This conversation began in one of my comments section and I figured I'd just continue it here.
I have had a very rocky relationship with Christianity.
In a nutshell
1. As a young teenager, didn't see the big deal between Christians and Jews. Was Jewish, but kind of believed in Jesus. Didn't give it much thought.
2. Spent my senior year of high school and college in the Bible belt. Developed this Jewish pride thing (I think as a backlash against being surrounded by so much Christianity) and developed a hatred for Christianity.
But also explored all the religions. Took religious courses in college and read religion books in my own free-time. Including Christianity.
3. Kind of mellowed out. Stopped loving Judaism so much. Stopped hating Christianity so much.
Sometimes, I start to wonder. Is Christianity the right religion? Am I wrong? Am I being a fool?
And then today one of my lj friends started making me think. Maybe I AM being pulled to Christianity. First the "grace" thing, then the "You're on the wrong path" Oh and then one of my LJ friends is talking to me about Christianity. Maybe she's an angel sent on my path to bring me the good news.
Maybe this is it.
But the argument against this would be I also have LJ friends talking about Judaism and Eastern Religion...and Paganism.
Although THEY could be my Satans--trying to pull me away from the TRUE path I'm supposed to follow.
They could be.
Jesus may be working very hard to pull me to his side. Tormented by the fact that I find so much insight and joy in the other faiths.
Jesus may be the real thing.
But even if he is, I'm not following.
I remembered the thing I had promised myself for a long time. Even if Christianity IS the one and only true religion, I'd rather go to hell than follow it.
Why?
I don't want to worship a God that is vain enough to send his children to the fires of hell for not believing. No, I don't want to have eternal fire nipping at my toes. But I also don't want to spend my eternity with a God who sent my family and friends to Hell.
So if I burn painfully in Hell, so be it. I'll scream in agony. But I can't not go there simply because I gave in to pressure and fear. "Well, I really don't like Christianity. But I don't want to burn, so um...I'll be a believer."
I think when I started on this new spirituality path (about 2 years ago), I questioned...how will I know whether the messages I receive come from good or evil? What If I make contact with an evil spirit? What if I follow the directions of a spirit and it ends up being super evil? What if this new path is really the path to the devil?
But....
I decided not to worry about spirit identity--just trust my instincts as much as I can. And to just have certain rules. Certain standards.
If I get the message to go stalk a celebrity and asassinate a president, I aint going to do it. I don't care if God himself comes down and tells me to do it.
I'm not going to murder anyone in my family--even if God himself comes down and tells me I need to sacrifice them all.
I'm not going to worship a God I disagree with--even if I get substantial proof that he IS the real God.
I'd rather just be wrong, but keep my morals.
In my opinion, Abraham should have never agreed to kill Isaac. I think he should have stood up to God and said "No way!"
I mean if there was an Abraham. Because my instinct and my faith tell me it is just a story. No different than Harry Potter or Alice in Wonderland
I have had a very rocky relationship with Christianity.
In a nutshell
1. As a young teenager, didn't see the big deal between Christians and Jews. Was Jewish, but kind of believed in Jesus. Didn't give it much thought.
2. Spent my senior year of high school and college in the Bible belt. Developed this Jewish pride thing (I think as a backlash against being surrounded by so much Christianity) and developed a hatred for Christianity.
But also explored all the religions. Took religious courses in college and read religion books in my own free-time. Including Christianity.
3. Kind of mellowed out. Stopped loving Judaism so much. Stopped hating Christianity so much.
Sometimes, I start to wonder. Is Christianity the right religion? Am I wrong? Am I being a fool?
And then today one of my lj friends started making me think. Maybe I AM being pulled to Christianity. First the "grace" thing, then the "You're on the wrong path" Oh and then one of my LJ friends is talking to me about Christianity. Maybe she's an angel sent on my path to bring me the good news.
Maybe this is it.
But the argument against this would be I also have LJ friends talking about Judaism and Eastern Religion...and Paganism.
Although THEY could be my Satans--trying to pull me away from the TRUE path I'm supposed to follow.
They could be.
Jesus may be working very hard to pull me to his side. Tormented by the fact that I find so much insight and joy in the other faiths.
Jesus may be the real thing.
But even if he is, I'm not following.
I remembered the thing I had promised myself for a long time. Even if Christianity IS the one and only true religion, I'd rather go to hell than follow it.
Why?
I don't want to worship a God that is vain enough to send his children to the fires of hell for not believing. No, I don't want to have eternal fire nipping at my toes. But I also don't want to spend my eternity with a God who sent my family and friends to Hell.
So if I burn painfully in Hell, so be it. I'll scream in agony. But I can't not go there simply because I gave in to pressure and fear. "Well, I really don't like Christianity. But I don't want to burn, so um...I'll be a believer."
I think when I started on this new spirituality path (about 2 years ago), I questioned...how will I know whether the messages I receive come from good or evil? What If I make contact with an evil spirit? What if I follow the directions of a spirit and it ends up being super evil? What if this new path is really the path to the devil?
But....
I decided not to worry about spirit identity--just trust my instincts as much as I can. And to just have certain rules. Certain standards.
If I get the message to go stalk a celebrity and asassinate a president, I aint going to do it. I don't care if God himself comes down and tells me to do it.
I'm not going to murder anyone in my family--even if God himself comes down and tells me I need to sacrifice them all.
I'm not going to worship a God I disagree with--even if I get substantial proof that he IS the real God.
I'd rather just be wrong, but keep my morals.
In my opinion, Abraham should have never agreed to kill Isaac. I think he should have stood up to God and said "No way!"
I mean if there was an Abraham. Because my instinct and my faith tell me it is just a story. No different than Harry Potter or Alice in Wonderland