Are you motherfuckers ready?...'cause this is the new shit..." ~ M.M.
Mood: Confused, Calm, Tired
Music: Tantric, Trust*Co., Mushroomhead
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Ok, well, I'm back now...
Had to take some personal time away from everything. Got too much on me that was happening all too fast & needed a break from it all...
Anyway, nothing new & exciting happening, really. Just confused about a lot of things still...not sure how I'm supposed to handle them right now, but I got a feeling that I know what I should do. It's just a fact of time...and I'm afraid of running out of it too soon...the last time something like this went the right way, it ended with a big explosion in my face ... and I don't want that to happen again...I care too much this time, and it's only a fact of finding the right thing to say about it all. Need answers. Can't find them.
...Oh well, it'll all work out at the end...as I read in someone's away message: "It'll work out in the end, and if it doesn't work out, then it's not the end..." I can agree with that a lot - it hits close to home right now, I basically take that to say that "Hey, you...don't give up yet, it's not over with." ...so now I'm just gonna sit back & see what happens...hope for the best, and prepare for the worst...
Everyone deserves better, and sometimes that "better" is right in front of "your" face and you don't even realize it - the better "you" are looking for is right in front of "you", and "you" don't even notice it. I just wish I could find the right words to say to make it clear & make sense to "you"...but, I'm sorry I can't.
The things I want to say are terms that get used a lot in the wrong manner, and I won't ever mention them unless I truly mean it...I'm sorry for that. I'm sorry that I'm the one who is sitting back and letting this happen. "You" know the real me...no one else does, except for my good, close friends (you guys know who you are)...so when a change comes from within me around people I used to know - the people who tell me I can't accomplish something, the people who say it's a bad idea - don't worry, I'll still be the loving, caring 'sweetheart' "you" know...
To everyone else...well, it's a new me...I've had enough of trying to be the nice guy to anyone & everyone...I'm tired of letting certain things bother me. When you tell me that I can't accomplish anything - it's over...I try twice as hard to prove you wrong, and I will...don't ever forget that. To those few who I am addressing here in this paragraph...be prepared to see the deep, dark, mysterious side of me that you've never seen. (As JBv1 said the other day - the side that no one knows) ...I assure you, you will not like it for very long. You people want to call me an asshole, well, I'll show you what an asshole is ... "Learn to deal with it, and move on." as some of you would say...
...To the ones I always chat with online, those who I see everyday, and those who are in my LJ friends list - don't worry about a thing - all of you still have much respect from me, and you always will...all of ya guys have been there for me when I've needed you, (especially Jen, Michelle, Kat, and Jake...) and I appreciate it, more than ya'll know...and if you ever need anything from me, I'll be glad to return the favor to you. I probably won't be as open with you all about anything going on in my personal life anymore, like I was...but at some point, I might want to... So, once again, thank you guys so much for stickin' with me thru whatever kind of crap I've gone through.
So, in closing - yes, from now on, my LJ will only be updated when I feel like I have something important enough to say here...no more quizzes, no more random stuff...my LJ is becoming my haven to spill everything I keep pent up inside me...
To the few - thank you, to the ones I no longer care for - good riddance...
Adios,
~ Ray
"Somedays I pray someone will blow me away...
Make it quick, but let it burn...
So I can feel my life fade..."
- Crossfade, "Dead Skin"
Music: Tantric, Trust*Co., Mushroomhead
----
Ok, well, I'm back now...
Had to take some personal time away from everything. Got too much on me that was happening all too fast & needed a break from it all...
Anyway, nothing new & exciting happening, really. Just confused about a lot of things still...not sure how I'm supposed to handle them right now, but I got a feeling that I know what I should do. It's just a fact of time...and I'm afraid of running out of it too soon...the last time something like this went the right way, it ended with a big explosion in my face ... and I don't want that to happen again...I care too much this time, and it's only a fact of finding the right thing to say about it all. Need answers. Can't find them.
...Oh well, it'll all work out at the end...as I read in someone's away message: "It'll work out in the end, and if it doesn't work out, then it's not the end..." I can agree with that a lot - it hits close to home right now, I basically take that to say that "Hey, you...don't give up yet, it's not over with." ...so now I'm just gonna sit back & see what happens...hope for the best, and prepare for the worst...
Everyone deserves better, and sometimes that "better" is right in front of "your" face and you don't even realize it - the better "you" are looking for is right in front of "you", and "you" don't even notice it. I just wish I could find the right words to say to make it clear & make sense to "you"...but, I'm sorry I can't.
The things I want to say are terms that get used a lot in the wrong manner, and I won't ever mention them unless I truly mean it...I'm sorry for that. I'm sorry that I'm the one who is sitting back and letting this happen. "You" know the real me...no one else does, except for my good, close friends (you guys know who you are)...so when a change comes from within me around people I used to know - the people who tell me I can't accomplish something, the people who say it's a bad idea - don't worry, I'll still be the loving, caring 'sweetheart' "you" know...
To everyone else...well, it's a new me...I've had enough of trying to be the nice guy to anyone & everyone...I'm tired of letting certain things bother me. When you tell me that I can't accomplish anything - it's over...I try twice as hard to prove you wrong, and I will...don't ever forget that. To those few who I am addressing here in this paragraph...be prepared to see the deep, dark, mysterious side of me that you've never seen. (As JBv1 said the other day - the side that no one knows) ...I assure you, you will not like it for very long. You people want to call me an asshole, well, I'll show you what an asshole is ... "Learn to deal with it, and move on." as some of you would say...
...To the ones I always chat with online, those who I see everyday, and those who are in my LJ friends list - don't worry about a thing - all of you still have much respect from me, and you always will...all of ya guys have been there for me when I've needed you, (especially Jen, Michelle, Kat, and Jake...) and I appreciate it, more than ya'll know...and if you ever need anything from me, I'll be glad to return the favor to you. I probably won't be as open with you all about anything going on in my personal life anymore, like I was...but at some point, I might want to... So, once again, thank you guys so much for stickin' with me thru whatever kind of crap I've gone through.
So, in closing - yes, from now on, my LJ will only be updated when I feel like I have something important enough to say here...no more quizzes, no more random stuff...my LJ is becoming my haven to spill everything I keep pent up inside me...
To the few - thank you, to the ones I no longer care for - good riddance...
Adios,
~ Ray
"Somedays I pray someone will blow me away...
Make it quick, but let it burn...
So I can feel my life fade..."
- Crossfade, "Dead Skin"