Fed up
I've basically got to the point where I don't care anymore. I don't really care about getting the things done I should, I don't care enough, apparently, to sign up for fall classes yet...I don't even care enough to get out of bed. I slept until around 6 PM today. I was just really tired. I think I just couldn't be bothered to get up. I mean, I had no particular reason to. I'm just sick of dealing with everything, and I'd rather not think about anything anymore. It's only going to hurt me, but I'm past the point of caring.
So basically, I'm okay, I just don't ever get things done. I'm definitely in a low point right now, and I'm not sure how to get out of it. Maybe I should think about the MAO Inhibitor that my psychiatrist talked about...I'm in such a slump right now that I can't help but think changing medications wouldn't be a bad idea. I don't know...5 years on antidepressants, 5 years of therapy (on and off), and I don't have anything to show for it. I'm still falling apart just as much as I ever was.
I need to get out of this. I hate feeling like I don't have the energy to bother with my life anymore. I don't like knowing that I slept for most of the day, when I could have been at least doing something. But it's just getting tough for me. I need to talk about this stuff more often, I guess...if people are willing to listen.
I can't think of why I've been in a huge low for the past few months...I guess it's just a cycle like that. I don't know if I'll just come out of it or not. But if not, I've gotta do something. I try to think of what's really bugging me right now...is it the fact that I thought Liz and I were going to be close, but that isn't working out?...but, honestly, I've been like this for quite a while. I just know I'm tired of it.
I need to actually do something with my life, whatever it is. I feel like I'm wasting so much time, just because I'm too lazy to accomplish anything anymore. I'd like to think I can change things, but I don't really know if I care enough to. I'm just busy trying to get away from the pressures in my life...it's just too much for me to deal with them anymore.
Screw thinking about school, or about the million other daily things that I could be thinking about. Apparently, I'd just rather sleep. Or escape it all mentally somehow. I can't wait until I don't have to escape all the time. But right now, I just don't care.
I'm tired of feeling so alone. Like I have no one that really is close to me right now, no one that I can go to with problems. I don't want to be a burden....but I'm just tired of being trapped with all my thoughts.
So that's my rambling entry. Guess it's time to go back to sleep. Maybe tomorrow will be better....just because I'll be forced not to waste the day.
I wish I could really talk to someone, instead of complaining to my journal. Well, I'm tired....I'm always tired....
So basically, I'm okay, I just don't ever get things done. I'm definitely in a low point right now, and I'm not sure how to get out of it. Maybe I should think about the MAO Inhibitor that my psychiatrist talked about...I'm in such a slump right now that I can't help but think changing medications wouldn't be a bad idea. I don't know...5 years on antidepressants, 5 years of therapy (on and off), and I don't have anything to show for it. I'm still falling apart just as much as I ever was.
I need to get out of this. I hate feeling like I don't have the energy to bother with my life anymore. I don't like knowing that I slept for most of the day, when I could have been at least doing something. But it's just getting tough for me. I need to talk about this stuff more often, I guess...if people are willing to listen.
I can't think of why I've been in a huge low for the past few months...I guess it's just a cycle like that. I don't know if I'll just come out of it or not. But if not, I've gotta do something. I try to think of what's really bugging me right now...is it the fact that I thought Liz and I were going to be close, but that isn't working out?...but, honestly, I've been like this for quite a while. I just know I'm tired of it.
I need to actually do something with my life, whatever it is. I feel like I'm wasting so much time, just because I'm too lazy to accomplish anything anymore. I'd like to think I can change things, but I don't really know if I care enough to. I'm just busy trying to get away from the pressures in my life...it's just too much for me to deal with them anymore.
Screw thinking about school, or about the million other daily things that I could be thinking about. Apparently, I'd just rather sleep. Or escape it all mentally somehow. I can't wait until I don't have to escape all the time. But right now, I just don't care.
I'm tired of feeling so alone. Like I have no one that really is close to me right now, no one that I can go to with problems. I don't want to be a burden....but I'm just tired of being trapped with all my thoughts.
So that's my rambling entry. Guess it's time to go back to sleep. Maybe tomorrow will be better....just because I'll be forced not to waste the day.
I wish I could really talk to someone, instead of complaining to my journal. Well, I'm tired....I'm always tired....