san francoocho!
aight bitches. it’s saturday/sunday morning, and ive been in san fran since thursday or some balls like that. and it’s been totally fucking awesome. like crazy silly awesome. ive lost my ability to discern between days so instead of describing my experiences i had each day im just gonna throw this sheeit out right now. and stop until i get tired and continue another day. ok. yes. cooch.
my plane trip:
so yeah, its hella cheaper to fly out to oakland instead of to san francisco. so i fly out to oakland. and instead of having assigned seats on the airplane there is a "seating arrangement based on a first come, first serve basis." the seats are divided into 3 groups. A, B, C. the people in the A group get to choose first, then the B's then the C's. I was an A! so i get a seat and im chillin' and im sitting and reading this one book and jamming out to my music (sans air drumming). it seems like no one is going to sit next to me and then all of a sudden, out of nowhere, this lady sits next to me. she seemed nice at first. then annoying. then stupid annoying. then stupid crazy bitch annoying. She was insane.....and annoying. annoying as fuck. and she never stopped talking. after an hour of her constant wah voice, the plane lands. "the captain" tells us that our bags are going to be in terminal 2, instead of terminal 1.
crazy annoying lady did not hear this: (her) "what did he say?" (me) "oh, umm. he said that our bags are in terminal 1, and to umm...put your seats in their upright positions!" "oh ok. thanks!" (what was said to her) "oh no problem" (what was thought) "byatch!".
so i arrive and i get my bag and my sister calls me and tells me that she’s going to be late because she’s taking the "stupid piece of shit bus that totally fucking sucks". she arrives from the suck-bus and we hug and say each others names really loud. "JASON!" "EMILY!" after confirming our names to each other, we go back into the baggage claim area because it is warm in there. i was getting thirsty, so i go to the cafe. i don’t remember the exact hours it was open, but it was something ridiculous like 1-3:30. we leave and proceed to board the suck-a-saurus rex. we pay $2 each (!) and then we sit and talk.
our conversation:
emily: "so yeah. what the fuck is up?"
me: "yooo. umm nothing really. im in san francisco."
e: " yeah isn’t that weird?"
m:"yo"
e:"ok. so yeah, my fucking demonic pact of devil sheep goat teacher is a total fucking psycho ass bitch."
m:"shits yeah? why?"
e:"like i was......"
(my sister goes on to tell a tale of her teacher who is insane and wanted to give her a referral and perhaps saturday school because she was laughing and causing ruckus in the classroom environment. the thing is though, she tells this story with the word fuck, bitch, ho, shit, ass and pretty much every other vulgar word possible at least 546547 times. this insane amount of cussing coupled with my comments of "shit!" "fuck no!" and "fuck that bitch" combined to create a story that was crazy with cussies (bad words). because of these bad words my sister notices something.)
e:"dude i think that guy just told his kids 'not to use our language'"
m:"well fuck that shit.so what the fuck were you talking about?"
laughs.
e: "well i got my stuf-"
m: "you mean your shit?"
laughs.
e:"yes my shit....."
(we continue to cuss the fuck out of our conversation while the father of the childen stares at us and makes "i cant belive this" faces.)
(my sister pulls something truly wonderful and magical out of her bag- travel uno.)
travel uno:
travel uno is uno. but tiny. very tiny. it’s like uno for people whose hands are the size of a toothpick. im pretty sure it ranks as the tiniest of the tiny in the guinness book of world records. it’s tiny. so we play this tiny uno and we play while screaming. it was lots of fun for us, and lots of not-fun for the people around us hearing our screams of "draw two bitch!" and "the color is motherfuckin' blue!"
***
arrival: i come inside my sister’s house and i see kevin. kevin is one of the most amazing people alive. i scream yo and we hug and dance. i go upstairs and i see roz, who is also amazing like kevin, and she is sleeping. she has class tomorrow at 8 and right now it is 11 something/close to 12. i say yo and we talk about the Exploratorium (greatest name for anything ever!) and then i go downstairs to let her sleep. i meet my sister's new roommate jeff and we say yo. kevin hayes (no relation to isaac hayes) and i sit and talk about stuff and the door is knocked. outside is a man who is carrying one of the greatest things of all time. seniore's pizza. y'see, pizza is a wonderful creation. but seniore's pizza....whoa...holy balls...seniore’s is A-MA-ZING. we quickly inhale the pizza and then we go into the freezer and pull out birthday-cake-ice-cream. the reason for the dashes in between the birthday, cake, and ice cream are simple: this is not birthday cake and ice cream seperated, it is birthday-cake-ice-cream. what this means is that some geniuses have created an ice cream that comes with pieces of birthday cake in it!! and this ice cream also fools with your mind. it looks like blue sherbet. but it tastes like frosting off a cake mixed with amazing. after eating ourselves silly, my sister finds a TV movie- alien fury. the title to this movie was a complete lie. the movie contained no aliens and certainly no fury. it had the wrestler china in it however. after two seconds of watching this, somehow a huge conversation is started between me and kevin about system of a down, the mars volta, radiohead, my life in san diego, and other shizzy.
.
sleep.
.
.
.
morning.
i wake up at around 8:45 after going to bed at around 3 to joel calling me. we talk and say yo. my sister comes down and tells me how she has class and then after a tough decision on what to wear and whether or not to eat, she leaves to class; moments later, jeff leaves as well. i attempt to sleep again, but am unable to. after extending and stretching my arm into impossible lengths, i grab hold of the TV remote. i turn on the TV, but the numbers to the stations are foreign to me so i turn the TV off in confusion and i start to read the book i was trying to read earlier on the plane. i finish the book. the door is opened. it's roz!! yo's are exchanged and we start talking. my sister emerges through the door a few hot seconds later and she joins in on our conversation. kevin comes down the stairs and joins in on our talking as well. From what I can remember, the conversation was about my sister’s “stalker situation,” roz’s crazy-ass roommate that sees ghosts, and about many other a thing.
there's much much much much more that happened, but im fucking tired and will explain all tomorrow or some other time. but it must be said that my sister and i are sly/slick-ass food bandits. what's a food bandit you say? tune in next time!
my plane trip:
so yeah, its hella cheaper to fly out to oakland instead of to san francisco. so i fly out to oakland. and instead of having assigned seats on the airplane there is a "seating arrangement based on a first come, first serve basis." the seats are divided into 3 groups. A, B, C. the people in the A group get to choose first, then the B's then the C's. I was an A! so i get a seat and im chillin' and im sitting and reading this one book and jamming out to my music (sans air drumming). it seems like no one is going to sit next to me and then all of a sudden, out of nowhere, this lady sits next to me. she seemed nice at first. then annoying. then stupid annoying. then stupid crazy bitch annoying. She was insane.....and annoying. annoying as fuck. and she never stopped talking. after an hour of her constant wah voice, the plane lands. "the captain" tells us that our bags are going to be in terminal 2, instead of terminal 1.
crazy annoying lady did not hear this: (her) "what did he say?" (me) "oh, umm. he said that our bags are in terminal 1, and to umm...put your seats in their upright positions!" "oh ok. thanks!" (what was said to her) "oh no problem" (what was thought) "byatch!".
so i arrive and i get my bag and my sister calls me and tells me that she’s going to be late because she’s taking the "stupid piece of shit bus that totally fucking sucks". she arrives from the suck-bus and we hug and say each others names really loud. "JASON!" "EMILY!" after confirming our names to each other, we go back into the baggage claim area because it is warm in there. i was getting thirsty, so i go to the cafe. i don’t remember the exact hours it was open, but it was something ridiculous like 1-3:30. we leave and proceed to board the suck-a-saurus rex. we pay $2 each (!) and then we sit and talk.
our conversation:
emily: "so yeah. what the fuck is up?"
me: "yooo. umm nothing really. im in san francisco."
e: " yeah isn’t that weird?"
m:"yo"
e:"ok. so yeah, my fucking demonic pact of devil sheep goat teacher is a total fucking psycho ass bitch."
m:"shits yeah? why?"
e:"like i was......"
(my sister goes on to tell a tale of her teacher who is insane and wanted to give her a referral and perhaps saturday school because she was laughing and causing ruckus in the classroom environment. the thing is though, she tells this story with the word fuck, bitch, ho, shit, ass and pretty much every other vulgar word possible at least 546547 times. this insane amount of cussing coupled with my comments of "shit!" "fuck no!" and "fuck that bitch" combined to create a story that was crazy with cussies (bad words). because of these bad words my sister notices something.)
e:"dude i think that guy just told his kids 'not to use our language'"
m:"well fuck that shit.so what the fuck were you talking about?"
laughs.
e: "well i got my stuf-"
m: "you mean your shit?"
laughs.
e:"yes my shit....."
(we continue to cuss the fuck out of our conversation while the father of the childen stares at us and makes "i cant belive this" faces.)
(my sister pulls something truly wonderful and magical out of her bag- travel uno.)
travel uno:
travel uno is uno. but tiny. very tiny. it’s like uno for people whose hands are the size of a toothpick. im pretty sure it ranks as the tiniest of the tiny in the guinness book of world records. it’s tiny. so we play this tiny uno and we play while screaming. it was lots of fun for us, and lots of not-fun for the people around us hearing our screams of "draw two bitch!" and "the color is motherfuckin' blue!"
***
arrival: i come inside my sister’s house and i see kevin. kevin is one of the most amazing people alive. i scream yo and we hug and dance. i go upstairs and i see roz, who is also amazing like kevin, and she is sleeping. she has class tomorrow at 8 and right now it is 11 something/close to 12. i say yo and we talk about the Exploratorium (greatest name for anything ever!) and then i go downstairs to let her sleep. i meet my sister's new roommate jeff and we say yo. kevin hayes (no relation to isaac hayes) and i sit and talk about stuff and the door is knocked. outside is a man who is carrying one of the greatest things of all time. seniore's pizza. y'see, pizza is a wonderful creation. but seniore's pizza....whoa...holy balls...seniore’s is A-MA-ZING. we quickly inhale the pizza and then we go into the freezer and pull out birthday-cake-ice-cream. the reason for the dashes in between the birthday, cake, and ice cream are simple: this is not birthday cake and ice cream seperated, it is birthday-cake-ice-cream. what this means is that some geniuses have created an ice cream that comes with pieces of birthday cake in it!! and this ice cream also fools with your mind. it looks like blue sherbet. but it tastes like frosting off a cake mixed with amazing. after eating ourselves silly, my sister finds a TV movie- alien fury. the title to this movie was a complete lie. the movie contained no aliens and certainly no fury. it had the wrestler china in it however. after two seconds of watching this, somehow a huge conversation is started between me and kevin about system of a down, the mars volta, radiohead, my life in san diego, and other shizzy.
.
sleep.
.
.
.
morning.
i wake up at around 8:45 after going to bed at around 3 to joel calling me. we talk and say yo. my sister comes down and tells me how she has class and then after a tough decision on what to wear and whether or not to eat, she leaves to class; moments later, jeff leaves as well. i attempt to sleep again, but am unable to. after extending and stretching my arm into impossible lengths, i grab hold of the TV remote. i turn on the TV, but the numbers to the stations are foreign to me so i turn the TV off in confusion and i start to read the book i was trying to read earlier on the plane. i finish the book. the door is opened. it's roz!! yo's are exchanged and we start talking. my sister emerges through the door a few hot seconds later and she joins in on our conversation. kevin comes down the stairs and joins in on our talking as well. From what I can remember, the conversation was about my sister’s “stalker situation,” roz’s crazy-ass roommate that sees ghosts, and about many other a thing.
there's much much much much more that happened, but im fucking tired and will explain all tomorrow or some other time. but it must be said that my sister and i are sly/slick-ass food bandits. what's a food bandit you say? tune in next time!