I wish I could just pick and choose; [Complete]
Characters: Sekai Saionji
Setting: Princess Bedroom
Time: Early night 009
Summary: Sekai has a chance to angst reflect on stuff.
Warnings: Teen angst? Vague recollections of sexual matters and violence, but nothing explicit.
Sekai had, admittedly, been avoiding her room (when had it become 'her' room?) a fair bit lately, especially during the day. It wasn't necessary to linger around it during the day, while it was safe around the house, so she tended to often crash elsewhere, avoid the room all together. It wasn't that she didn't like it - no, on the contrary: it was cute, spacey, everything - but it was... something about it held memories. That was why she was there now, standing and staring and trying not to dwell.
She...she couldn't help but think of Makoto while in that room, gazing up the large bed, in this room that she had shared with Makoto for a time.
"Makoto..."
She missed him, actually. She couldn't deny that much. Maybe that was why it was so easy to get caught up in memories, once she was in here. Everything had...had been so perfect before. Before she'd been stupid and got herself caught up in things more than she should have. She'd been happy - no she hadn't been - with Makoto and Kotonoha together. She had helped her two friends get together and be happy, and that was all she needed. It didn't matter that she loved Makoto... but no, she had gone too far. The sex wasn't supposed to be for emotion - it had been...it had been practise. She had no idea when it had stopped being practise. Before she admitted that she loved him, she was sure, but how long before? Or had it never been practise to her? Had all of those secret meetings and kisses and rendez-vous under the covers in their apartments while their parents were gone been serious all along?
In the present, Sekai held herself in something like a hug as she thought on it, shivering somewhat, staring at the bed. She shouldn't think about that.
But that had led her to the pregnancy... the pregnancy that she'd been so sure of. The baby was...the baby had died, hadn't it? She'd been in the house for months now, after all. And the bleeding...! It had died. Her own child had died. She'd never even gotten a chance to tell anyone. No one but Makoto - and he hadn't believed her.
She killed him for it.
She killed him.
Sekai held herself tighter, and curled up a bit where she stood as the thought sunk in again. She tried not to think about it - she'd tried to put on a happy face; for Jonouchi, for Sanji, for...for those friends who were here. She'd lied to them and pretended to be okay, when she wasn't. When she had done something horribly wrong.
She'd only ever wanted happiness. With Makoto. For herself. Nothing more.
Where had it gone wrong, anyway? What was the first mistake she'd made? It wasn't...it wasn't killing Makoto. It was long before that, wasn't it?
Her fingers and arms hurt from how tightly she was gripping at herself, before she moved forward and just collapsed on the bed. Painful or not, she just wanted to curl up and cry already. She missed Makoto - she missed him so much...! But she'd gone and ruined it. She'd killed him. She couldn't tell anyone, she could never admit any of the things she'd done wrong. She thought she liked it here, all monsters and danger aside, but that was wrong, wasn't it?
She hated it here. Because of this place she'd lost the last of her friends, then she'd lost her baby, then she'd lost her love. She'd made friends (good ones, even - Jonouchi was wonderful, had done so much to help her), yes, but...but would it ever be okay again?
At that point the tears just wouldn't stop.
Setting: Princess Bedroom
Time: Early night 009
Summary: Sekai has a chance to angst reflect on stuff.
Warnings: Teen angst? Vague recollections of sexual matters and violence, but nothing explicit.
Sekai had, admittedly, been avoiding her room (when had it become 'her' room?) a fair bit lately, especially during the day. It wasn't necessary to linger around it during the day, while it was safe around the house, so she tended to often crash elsewhere, avoid the room all together. It wasn't that she didn't like it - no, on the contrary: it was cute, spacey, everything - but it was... something about it held memories. That was why she was there now, standing and staring and trying not to dwell.
She...she couldn't help but think of Makoto while in that room, gazing up the large bed, in this room that she had shared with Makoto for a time.
"Makoto..."
She missed him, actually. She couldn't deny that much. Maybe that was why it was so easy to get caught up in memories, once she was in here. Everything had...had been so perfect before. Before she'd been stupid and got herself caught up in things more than she should have. She'd been happy - no she hadn't been - with Makoto and Kotonoha together. She had helped her two friends get together and be happy, and that was all she needed. It didn't matter that she loved Makoto... but no, she had gone too far. The sex wasn't supposed to be for emotion - it had been...it had been practise. She had no idea when it had stopped being practise. Before she admitted that she loved him, she was sure, but how long before? Or had it never been practise to her? Had all of those secret meetings and kisses and rendez-vous under the covers in their apartments while their parents were gone been serious all along?
In the present, Sekai held herself in something like a hug as she thought on it, shivering somewhat, staring at the bed. She shouldn't think about that.
But that had led her to the pregnancy... the pregnancy that she'd been so sure of. The baby was...the baby had died, hadn't it? She'd been in the house for months now, after all. And the bleeding...! It had died. Her own child had died. She'd never even gotten a chance to tell anyone. No one but Makoto - and he hadn't believed her.
She killed him for it.
She killed him.
Sekai held herself tighter, and curled up a bit where she stood as the thought sunk in again. She tried not to think about it - she'd tried to put on a happy face; for Jonouchi, for Sanji, for...for those friends who were here. She'd lied to them and pretended to be okay, when she wasn't. When she had done something horribly wrong.
She'd only ever wanted happiness. With Makoto. For herself. Nothing more.
Where had it gone wrong, anyway? What was the first mistake she'd made? It wasn't...it wasn't killing Makoto. It was long before that, wasn't it?
Her fingers and arms hurt from how tightly she was gripping at herself, before she moved forward and just collapsed on the bed. Painful or not, she just wanted to curl up and cry already. She missed Makoto - she missed him so much...! But she'd gone and ruined it. She'd killed him. She couldn't tell anyone, she could never admit any of the things she'd done wrong. She thought she liked it here, all monsters and danger aside, but that was wrong, wasn't it?
She hated it here. Because of this place she'd lost the last of her friends, then she'd lost her baby, then she'd lost her love. She'd made friends (good ones, even - Jonouchi was wonderful, had done so much to help her), yes, but...but would it ever be okay again?
At that point the tears just wouldn't stop.