the cats do harken
"...And whilst I lay there contented in thine arms, it was unbeknownst to us that someone on the other side of the walls was being beaten to death. A terrible metaphor to how we lead our lives someone could suppose. The lack of light allowing time itself to drift and all the while we lay blissfully unaware, save for each other, clutching the other tightly in the wake of the dark season that is only now slowly moving away..."
Forgive the use of flowery language as that scenario actually happened and I don't think other methods of description would've painted the right picture really. Sometimes you just need the word "thine" and other reminders that English is really just a bastard child of German. Regardless, that was indeed how my New Year began. Anyway, where to start? First off, this journal needs a bit of revamping. I keep thinking to myself that starting another journal would be ideal but that's mostly because of the associations I've seemed to develop with this site. Looking back on last year's entries, where it was mostly low points recorded, seems quite inaccurate considering this past year was probably one of the largest turnaround years I think I've ever experienced. I suppose this can be chalked up to being a Tiger year (of which there is still technically a month left) granted it's funny because I remembered hating the last Tiger year vehemently. But then again, I was sixteen then; I hated everything (including myself) rather vehemently. Oh the changes that have occurred since then.
New Year's Day was actually rather ideal. I got to spend it in a state of suspended time snuggled in the arms of someone I've held a good deal of affinity and respect for, whom to my surprise apparently had a crush on me for over a year now. The details to that will come later; one resolution I'll admit to is that since I've gotten used to scheduling and making time for everything is that l intend to post weekly, either Saturday or Sunday after my homework is dealt with and go about changing some of my approaches to these entries. This thing is too useful in terms of both collecting thoughts and staying in touch (in an indirect way anyway) with people I've encountered and have known throughout the years. As much as Facebook has its uses, it being the shrine of the mundane and ideal for minutiae, I still prefer using this for those who want to keep tabs on how I'm doing, granted I really need to put in better care of how that's presented. If I do start another blog, it will require me focusing on specific topics regularly, me carrying my camera around, and learning a bit more about basic web design and layouts. I don't see that happening soon but it's still not outside the realm of possibility. The idea of putting up a blog of life in Portland through the perspective of a non-hipster is an appealing idea, but not anything I can seriously devote anything to just yet.
Regardless, I'm realizing I'm a far, far different person now and more than just the usual changes and evolutions that come with any passage of time and I'd like to better reflect that. So anyways, without further ado. A recap of 2010.
January: New Year's with Chlapec and his lot. Department matters finally come to a head and the terms of my employment were reviewed to find that I have much greater sway in my schedule due to particular conditions. This leads to a speeding up of the process of what should have been a smooth cross-department transfer. At a party, I meet Dan for the first time (that is, actually get introduced to and speak with) even though I had seen him at the gym any number of times and found myself drawn towards (both physically and as a person) even beforehand.
February: Keeping with school and a developing relationship. Chlapec and I wind up spending a good deal more time to the point that rather than us seeing one another once a week or him staying at Sean's, he begins to stay at my place, often waiting for me to come home from work and ensuring I don't have to stay up any later than I have to for dinner. Valentine's Day is spent at a reservation for a Vegan course at Crush at which we're the only ones there. Otherwise, not bad for a holiday I tend to ignore out of principle.
March: Preparation for the trip to Prague to see Selena before she heads off to the UK. First wave of the Paperwork Nightmare begins with the processing of all the necessary bits of information PSU decided it requires (and couldn't process properly).
April: First class at PSU. My birthday is celebrated by eating fancy Vietnamese food and heading off to Fez. Birthday gift to myself were personal training sessions thinking I wasn't going to be able to concentrate on music this year. Funny how things turned out in that regard.
May: First signs of relationship decay begin here. Otherwise, this is when I finish my last term at PCC. My first class at PSU goes somewhat smoothly. Paperwork nightmare continues but is slowly kept under control. Too many trips to the bank and the admin offices. I learn more about banking and the financial systems than I ever would have cared to know.
June: Summer break comes about. I need a break from school to get my head together and decide how I want to go about approaching things as they develop. I'm informed of going to Omaha with Matt and Dee to perform with Modes of Resuscitation for the Omaha Pop Festival and the idea comes to resuscitate Pre-Fash seriously at Incubator. I approach Dan, seeing as he's the only person I can think of who'd be interested and he agrees. We begin practicing by having him learn my songs and setting a regular routine (forcing me to somehow fit music into things).
July: Relationship teeters. We're technically living together and we decide as a test (though it didn't seem like a final straw) that if things are to continue, we need to learn how to live together better. Supposedly the search for an apartment was on with Chlapec looking for better apartments but as he stopped looking, I didn't bother with it knowing it was an issue that shouldn't be forced. Either we'd work things out or they'd fall apart, sooner or later. My getting more involved with the personal training encourages me to drink less and this actually creates a good deal of problems since many activities we did mostly involved a lot of social drinking, particularly with people I didn't really care for.
August: More paperwork hassles. Finding myself not wanting to be in a relationship anymore as the fighting is more frequent and the fighting matters are more ridiculous. Knowing how much energy all of different areas of my life were going to require, arguments over the length of my socks or why I won't dress like a "normal queer boy" just weren't going to cut it. Preparation for Omaha and Incubator. The first Pre-Fash show (involving more than just myself) occurs to mostly positive responses. I decide to stick things out for the sake of Chlapec's birthday and because I didn't want to over-react if it happened to have been just a dry spell or low period.
September: Knowing things are going to be more cramped and more serious and that I needed someone who was going to be there for me, we start off with a break-up. That is, we're sitting at the Vegetarian House, I was there waiting for him no less who had promised we'd talk about things in the morning but showed up late and hungover. Performance at the Omaha Pop Festival. First full term at University begins. Break-up is counter-acted by various circumstances reminding me I wasn't going to be completely alone. Preparation for trip to Albuquerque and me getting in a nasty misunderstanding and argument with my dad. Quite the turbulent month.
October: Another Pre-Fash show, this time opening up for The Mercury Tree (our first paid gig granted it was only $36), plus trips planned to head off to Albuquerque to see friends and family. My brother, whom I've not seen since I left Pittsburgh, also makes a trip out here as well.
November: Concentration on school. Finding myself at the Campus Rec center much of the time. Renewing training sessions. More practice as Dan starts writing songs and we become more of a unit rather than a project. Odd encounters that I guess could be considered "dates" go sourly.
December: Term goes smoothly but Paperwork Nightmare recurs to ruin my holiday but more new songs and more news for the future crop up. Dave invites me to his Zero-G NYE bash. New Year's Day technically started with me on the bus overlooking a police checkpoint from the bus while thumbing through Dostojevsky's "Demons" but as far as I'm concerned, it started once the clock began to blur and a strange amount of hours somehow passed when I was lying on the fold-out couch with three other people snuggled in Dave's arms.
Anyway, that's enough for now. More about the resolutions and whatnot tomorrow.
Forgive the use of flowery language as that scenario actually happened and I don't think other methods of description would've painted the right picture really. Sometimes you just need the word "thine" and other reminders that English is really just a bastard child of German. Regardless, that was indeed how my New Year began. Anyway, where to start? First off, this journal needs a bit of revamping. I keep thinking to myself that starting another journal would be ideal but that's mostly because of the associations I've seemed to develop with this site. Looking back on last year's entries, where it was mostly low points recorded, seems quite inaccurate considering this past year was probably one of the largest turnaround years I think I've ever experienced. I suppose this can be chalked up to being a Tiger year (of which there is still technically a month left) granted it's funny because I remembered hating the last Tiger year vehemently. But then again, I was sixteen then; I hated everything (including myself) rather vehemently. Oh the changes that have occurred since then.
New Year's Day was actually rather ideal. I got to spend it in a state of suspended time snuggled in the arms of someone I've held a good deal of affinity and respect for, whom to my surprise apparently had a crush on me for over a year now. The details to that will come later; one resolution I'll admit to is that since I've gotten used to scheduling and making time for everything is that l intend to post weekly, either Saturday or Sunday after my homework is dealt with and go about changing some of my approaches to these entries. This thing is too useful in terms of both collecting thoughts and staying in touch (in an indirect way anyway) with people I've encountered and have known throughout the years. As much as Facebook has its uses, it being the shrine of the mundane and ideal for minutiae, I still prefer using this for those who want to keep tabs on how I'm doing, granted I really need to put in better care of how that's presented. If I do start another blog, it will require me focusing on specific topics regularly, me carrying my camera around, and learning a bit more about basic web design and layouts. I don't see that happening soon but it's still not outside the realm of possibility. The idea of putting up a blog of life in Portland through the perspective of a non-hipster is an appealing idea, but not anything I can seriously devote anything to just yet.
Regardless, I'm realizing I'm a far, far different person now and more than just the usual changes and evolutions that come with any passage of time and I'd like to better reflect that. So anyways, without further ado. A recap of 2010.
January: New Year's with Chlapec and his lot. Department matters finally come to a head and the terms of my employment were reviewed to find that I have much greater sway in my schedule due to particular conditions. This leads to a speeding up of the process of what should have been a smooth cross-department transfer. At a party, I meet Dan for the first time (that is, actually get introduced to and speak with) even though I had seen him at the gym any number of times and found myself drawn towards (both physically and as a person) even beforehand.
February: Keeping with school and a developing relationship. Chlapec and I wind up spending a good deal more time to the point that rather than us seeing one another once a week or him staying at Sean's, he begins to stay at my place, often waiting for me to come home from work and ensuring I don't have to stay up any later than I have to for dinner. Valentine's Day is spent at a reservation for a Vegan course at Crush at which we're the only ones there. Otherwise, not bad for a holiday I tend to ignore out of principle.
March: Preparation for the trip to Prague to see Selena before she heads off to the UK. First wave of the Paperwork Nightmare begins with the processing of all the necessary bits of information PSU decided it requires (and couldn't process properly).
April: First class at PSU. My birthday is celebrated by eating fancy Vietnamese food and heading off to Fez. Birthday gift to myself were personal training sessions thinking I wasn't going to be able to concentrate on music this year. Funny how things turned out in that regard.
May: First signs of relationship decay begin here. Otherwise, this is when I finish my last term at PCC. My first class at PSU goes somewhat smoothly. Paperwork nightmare continues but is slowly kept under control. Too many trips to the bank and the admin offices. I learn more about banking and the financial systems than I ever would have cared to know.
June: Summer break comes about. I need a break from school to get my head together and decide how I want to go about approaching things as they develop. I'm informed of going to Omaha with Matt and Dee to perform with Modes of Resuscitation for the Omaha Pop Festival and the idea comes to resuscitate Pre-Fash seriously at Incubator. I approach Dan, seeing as he's the only person I can think of who'd be interested and he agrees. We begin practicing by having him learn my songs and setting a regular routine (forcing me to somehow fit music into things).
July: Relationship teeters. We're technically living together and we decide as a test (though it didn't seem like a final straw) that if things are to continue, we need to learn how to live together better. Supposedly the search for an apartment was on with Chlapec looking for better apartments but as he stopped looking, I didn't bother with it knowing it was an issue that shouldn't be forced. Either we'd work things out or they'd fall apart, sooner or later. My getting more involved with the personal training encourages me to drink less and this actually creates a good deal of problems since many activities we did mostly involved a lot of social drinking, particularly with people I didn't really care for.
August: More paperwork hassles. Finding myself not wanting to be in a relationship anymore as the fighting is more frequent and the fighting matters are more ridiculous. Knowing how much energy all of different areas of my life were going to require, arguments over the length of my socks or why I won't dress like a "normal queer boy" just weren't going to cut it. Preparation for Omaha and Incubator. The first Pre-Fash show (involving more than just myself) occurs to mostly positive responses. I decide to stick things out for the sake of Chlapec's birthday and because I didn't want to over-react if it happened to have been just a dry spell or low period.
September: Knowing things are going to be more cramped and more serious and that I needed someone who was going to be there for me, we start off with a break-up. That is, we're sitting at the Vegetarian House, I was there waiting for him no less who had promised we'd talk about things in the morning but showed up late and hungover. Performance at the Omaha Pop Festival. First full term at University begins. Break-up is counter-acted by various circumstances reminding me I wasn't going to be completely alone. Preparation for trip to Albuquerque and me getting in a nasty misunderstanding and argument with my dad. Quite the turbulent month.
October: Another Pre-Fash show, this time opening up for The Mercury Tree (our first paid gig granted it was only $36), plus trips planned to head off to Albuquerque to see friends and family. My brother, whom I've not seen since I left Pittsburgh, also makes a trip out here as well.
November: Concentration on school. Finding myself at the Campus Rec center much of the time. Renewing training sessions. More practice as Dan starts writing songs and we become more of a unit rather than a project. Odd encounters that I guess could be considered "dates" go sourly.
December: Term goes smoothly but Paperwork Nightmare recurs to ruin my holiday but more new songs and more news for the future crop up. Dave invites me to his Zero-G NYE bash. New Year's Day technically started with me on the bus overlooking a police checkpoint from the bus while thumbing through Dostojevsky's "Demons" but as far as I'm concerned, it started once the clock began to blur and a strange amount of hours somehow passed when I was lying on the fold-out couch with three other people snuggled in Dave's arms.
Anyway, that's enough for now. More about the resolutions and whatnot tomorrow.