Cursed
God this sucks!! if its not one thing its another. Life is funny in a way, especially when i listen to everyone's problems. I tell them mine, how people treat me....or not treat me if you like, and they take it the wrong way, like being ignored, neglected, un-appreciated for who I am to them, left out and hung to dry. I've lost count of the times i've argued because people don't like me describing how they ignore me all the time, telling me i shouldn't worry, that they don't ignore me neglect me, they are busy some times etc, other things to do....yet i'm the one sitting here with a blank msn screen. The ear ache, heart ache I endure for dealing and trying to sort out what suppose to be a friendship of sorts......and then, later on in life, I have to laugh as they say similar things about other people, how they hate being and never like or want to be neglected or ignored by those they care for or their friends, how they don't like looking at empty msn conversations, waiting endlessly for a reply never to come. 132 people on my msn and how many of them actually msg me to start a conversation???? barely any. The odd one or two now and again. I talk to most others, and get ignored most of the time, spoken to like i dont matter, one word sentences like they are too busy too talk to me, or can't really be bothered! to talk to me. I can't say i'm suprised, this only reflects my life offline, as i have few friends that actually come round anymore, and those that do only come when there's no one else, or they are bored with nothing to do. I am the last line, the last call, the last friend, they would come to unless they needed something! then i would probably be the first.
Ah, a rant and rave session. I can't help it, i'm just seriously pissed off. With a lot of things, but mainly today by Renate. My Ex. Am i just cursed or something? Do i have Freak Magnet written across my forehead? ...or is it cause i am a Freak i can only attract other freaks? why or why do i have to find all the girls around here that are complete nutcases!! ....and Thanks for Renate trying to have a go at me I can now show you the proof .... Renates Journal ....her DAD! the one she supposedly loves so much, is infact her Stepdad (or so she says) that died last year. This is the guy that said he loved her so much and she loves him back. This is the guy that showed his love for her for the first time by crawling into her bed when she was just 12 yrs old! I know, she needs help, she's messed up, I shouldn't have a go at her or nothing, I know!! I feel bad enough about it already. Just reading that post shows how messed up she is. Now she's going around getting all her friends to msg me and say shit to me...which considering i've done nothing wrong, i'd really like to know what it is she's telling these people. Even in her post she tell's me off for telling her to 'watch her back'? ...I never said such thing, she likes to over exagerate...as i've been saying for weeks now, I just can't take it no more. I tried to be a friend to her, to help her, be there for her, but after this? i've just had enough. I told her to watch her tongue! who she speaks to and what she says about me or to me, I want her to leave me alone. I've not had a seconds peace for weeks. Everytime i'm online, and she is, she is constantly msgn me, I tell her i'll be back in a mo, i'm busy writing, reading LJ, she sends me dozen's of msgs expecting me to reply like it doesnt matter, that she has priority, that i'll drop everything and my life just for her. I told her to leave me alone, she was threatening me with the police lol if i went near her, yet i'm the one wanting her to stay away from me lmao...so i told her the same. Only i mean it. I'm sick of this, time and time again. I swear all the gyals around here are nut cases, they need to be locked up. And yet now i feel bad about saying that cause its not her fault. She's had a messed up life.....I don't know what to do anymore. I just want her to leave me alone, to stop all this, for people to stop putting me down, when things they say just aint true. I'm tired of everything. My life is hard enough, I struggle, I've been doing well just lately, coping...I don't need this now, I don't need any of it. I just want it all to just stop, go away, leave me alone. I want to be alone....but i don't, I want my friends....but who do i have? just people online more or less......and where are they? my msn remains silent :(
Damn this cursed life.
Ah, a rant and rave session. I can't help it, i'm just seriously pissed off. With a lot of things, but mainly today by Renate. My Ex. Am i just cursed or something? Do i have Freak Magnet written across my forehead? ...or is it cause i am a Freak i can only attract other freaks? why or why do i have to find all the girls around here that are complete nutcases!! ....and Thanks for Renate trying to have a go at me I can now show you the proof .... Renates Journal ....her DAD! the one she supposedly loves so much, is infact her Stepdad (or so she says) that died last year. This is the guy that said he loved her so much and she loves him back. This is the guy that showed his love for her for the first time by crawling into her bed when she was just 12 yrs old! I know, she needs help, she's messed up, I shouldn't have a go at her or nothing, I know!! I feel bad enough about it already. Just reading that post shows how messed up she is. Now she's going around getting all her friends to msg me and say shit to me...which considering i've done nothing wrong, i'd really like to know what it is she's telling these people. Even in her post she tell's me off for telling her to 'watch her back'? ...I never said such thing, she likes to over exagerate...as i've been saying for weeks now, I just can't take it no more. I tried to be a friend to her, to help her, be there for her, but after this? i've just had enough. I told her to watch her tongue! who she speaks to and what she says about me or to me, I want her to leave me alone. I've not had a seconds peace for weeks. Everytime i'm online, and she is, she is constantly msgn me, I tell her i'll be back in a mo, i'm busy writing, reading LJ, she sends me dozen's of msgs expecting me to reply like it doesnt matter, that she has priority, that i'll drop everything and my life just for her. I told her to leave me alone, she was threatening me with the police lol if i went near her, yet i'm the one wanting her to stay away from me lmao...so i told her the same. Only i mean it. I'm sick of this, time and time again. I swear all the gyals around here are nut cases, they need to be locked up. And yet now i feel bad about saying that cause its not her fault. She's had a messed up life.....I don't know what to do anymore. I just want her to leave me alone, to stop all this, for people to stop putting me down, when things they say just aint true. I'm tired of everything. My life is hard enough, I struggle, I've been doing well just lately, coping...I don't need this now, I don't need any of it. I just want it all to just stop, go away, leave me alone. I want to be alone....but i don't, I want my friends....but who do i have? just people online more or less......and where are they? my msn remains silent :(
Damn this cursed life.