Dude. Tired, bored and lonely all have one thing in common. They are temporary. It doesn't seem that way, I'm sure...or you're too weary to care. Either way, you're talking about letting circumstances win. Fuck that shit. Are you weaker than all these knuckleheads I see around me, managing to trudge through the crap that is their lives? We all deal with it. At least you know what doesn't make you happy. You are a step ahead of the oblivious, which puts you in a pretty small club.
You beat the pain with strength, not weakness. The dramas that will impress the world are not told in "woe is me" stories. There is no romance in "I'm ending it". There is no peace in it either. You'll have to do it again, slick. I won't get into that part though, because you don't have to believe that to know what I'm saying is true.
One day, these days will be like battle scars, and you'll be one tough son-of-a-bitch. It'll all amuse you. I shit you, not. The only shame you might ever feel is in the thought that you were going to bow out. "Take your ball and go home", if you will. Only, add to that, some family member or friend, or innocent bystander will have to live with the trauma you leave as your legacy. On their behalf, I admonish you.
You have a purpose in this life. Just because it hasn't been presented to you in a giftwrap doesn't relieve you of that responsibility.
Actually, I am going to address the spiritual side. You might not buy into this, but it's straight business. You are a part of something much larger than yourself. Your purpose is one beyond your pleasure and happiness. You are a small piece of a giant organism. You call it humanity. You see it as billions of organisms. That view is one of limited perspective. Your life, including your suffering is experience. It fuels the evolution of humanity. You don't get to quit. You get sent back...into more chaos. Your purpose, and the way that will bring you peace, is to learn to cope. Once you have that perspective, it will never be so hard again. Will life be peaches and fucking cream? Not always, but you will find peace in life. You will feel the value of a few sunny days far into a long, dreary winter. You will see your part in things. The rest will fall in order as it is meant.
thats an impressive piece. *waves* hey. nice to meet you.
There is far more than my current tales of woe that bring me down, it is the whole woe that is my life, where every corner is shrouded in darkness, no matter where I turn. For 25 years i've stood strong and faced it all, carried other peoples problems and helped them along the way, I have stood the test of time and stood strong against all the negatives that were thrown my way....and yet not once have I found that peace, whether it is inner peace, or that spiritual sunny day in a long harsh winter...I have been forever left with this lingering suffering that shadows me where ever I go....If I was to die, and they were to send me back!? if thats hell things work then I tell you i'll be straight up to this so called God to put in a formal complaint...humanity is nothing but a disease that cripples the world we live in. We build it, and we have destroyed it. Life? its not so bad...but its living it in this world that ruins it. We are a race that cares more about money and power, than peoples feelings and emotions...I care!? and so few others, but we alone feel the burden of everyone else. I can't fight this, its not the time. People just can't except, people shout out why can't anyone just be nice? lend a hand, anything....I am that hand, and I have always been there...but people are just not use to it, and can't except it....to them i am weird?!? I have no place here.
Thanks for the adivce though. :) I will ponder on it some more.
Yeah. alot of this world sucks. We are reactionary and violent. We dismiss the plights of others if we don't share their problems. Often, we look down on them for being failures. We dump toxins into rivers then look at a tree and say, "See, environment's OK". We base our political decisions on single ads. We say "How are you?" and don't mean it. We suck dicks for rocks of crack, stomp on frogs to watch the explosion and wish ill fate upon others whom wake up every day hoping it will be nice...just like th erest of us. All some of us seem to see are the differences in others and how they make others less than we are.
That said, things are alot better than they were. The whole "age of innocence" schtick is just so much crap. A man used to be able to rape his wife and it wasn't rape. Indeed, he could do pretty much anything to his children, as well. Go back far enough, and this was understood to be righteous. Pollution? It wasn't even a question before. It's only recently that we have decided racism ands other forms of bigotry are unfair and damaging. Hell, we used to divide ourselves into even smaller groups than we do now. As a society, we are becoming more enlightened. The signs are there. You see that more progress has to be made. So, you have been burdened with being a man ahead of your time. There's that pesky responsibility I keep digging up.
You need to grab hold of your balls, look down and think, "This is my lot in life. I have these. I'm going to mow down any fucking bullshit that stands in my way." Look at the weaklings managing to do it. You expect these people to just understand you? You have to MAKE them understand you. Don't take their aloofness personally. Progress is not made by the majority. It isn't even recognised by the majority (or recognized...I don't even know if you're American, Britis or something else).
I've been abused, imprisoned, set on fire, shot, rejected countless times, had to sleep outdoors, been called pathetic by people who seemed to be well adjusted and had disappointment expressed by people I thought understood me. It blows, but that just meant I hadn't made myself clear yet. Now, I have learned to make myself perfectly clear. Best of all, I understand myself better now. I'm betting I'm a few years older than you. I didn't see things this clearly even a few years ago. It comes in bits. It's like a novel, a puzzle and a riddle all piled into one. You HAVE to see it through. Once you are resolute in that, those sunny days will start popping up in unexpected places.
Try boxing. It helps me work some shit out of my system. Motorcycle riding. Maybe fishing. I don't know, but there are ways to train your soul to appreciate things. I'm adding you to my friends list. Addme back. You might find something usefull in my week to week ramblings. Life is a bitch, dude...but it's also a stitch. You'll see the balance as soon as you look for it.
impulse13_7@hotmail.com if you are inclined toward MSN.
yeah i've added you already. I will add you to MSN to. i'm just going offline though, been a long tiring weekend, need to go sit, be alone, think...sleep if i can? and take things one step at a time.
I'm not saying i'll end my life...but thats just how i feel right now. underneath i'm a fighter...i've just lost the will to carry on...but im trying to find it again.
You beat the pain with strength, not weakness. The dramas that will impress the world are not told in "woe is me" stories. There is no romance in "I'm ending it". There is no peace in it either. You'll have to do it again, slick. I won't get into that part though, because you don't have to believe that to know what I'm saying is true.
One day, these days will be like battle scars, and you'll be one tough son-of-a-bitch. It'll all amuse you. I shit you, not. The only shame you might ever feel is in the thought that you were going to bow out. "Take your ball and go home", if you will. Only, add to that, some family member or friend, or innocent bystander will have to live with the trauma you leave as your legacy. On their behalf, I admonish you.
You have a purpose in this life. Just because it hasn't been presented to you in a giftwrap doesn't relieve you of that responsibility.
Actually, I am going to address the spiritual side. You might not buy into this, but it's straight business. You are a part of something much larger than yourself. Your purpose is one beyond your pleasure and happiness. You are a small piece of a giant organism. You call it humanity. You see it as billions of organisms. That view is one of limited perspective. Your life, including your suffering is experience. It fuels the evolution of humanity. You don't get to quit. You get sent back...into more chaos. Your purpose, and the way that will bring you peace, is to learn to cope. Once you have that perspective, it will never be so hard again. Will life be peaches and fucking cream? Not always, but you will find peace in life. You will feel the value of a few sunny days far into a long, dreary winter. You will see your part in things. The rest will fall in order as it is meant.
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There is far more than my current tales of woe that bring me down, it is the whole woe that is my life, where every corner is shrouded in darkness, no matter where I turn. For 25 years i've stood strong and faced it all, carried other peoples problems and helped them along the way, I have stood the test of time and stood strong against all the negatives that were thrown my way....and yet not once have I found that peace, whether it is inner peace, or that spiritual sunny day in a long harsh winter...I have been forever left with this lingering suffering that shadows me where ever I go....If I was to die, and they were to send me back!? if thats hell things work then I tell you i'll be straight up to this so called God to put in a formal complaint...humanity is nothing but a disease that cripples the world we live in. We build it, and we have destroyed it. Life? its not so bad...but its living it in this world that ruins it. We are a race that cares more about money and power, than peoples feelings and emotions...I care!? and so few others, but we alone feel the burden of everyone else. I can't fight this, its not the time. People just can't except, people shout out why can't anyone just be nice? lend a hand, anything....I am that hand, and I have always been there...but people are just not use to it, and can't except it....to them i am weird?!? I have no place here.
Thanks for the adivce though. :) I will ponder on it some more.
Reply
That said, things are alot better than they were. The whole "age of innocence" schtick is just so much crap. A man used to be able to rape his wife and it wasn't rape. Indeed, he could do pretty much anything to his children, as well. Go back far enough, and this was understood to be righteous. Pollution? It wasn't even a question before. It's only recently that we have decided racism ands other forms of bigotry are unfair and damaging. Hell, we used to divide ourselves into even smaller groups than we do now. As a society, we are becoming more enlightened. The signs are there. You see that more progress has to be made. So, you have been burdened with being a man ahead of your time. There's that pesky responsibility I keep digging up.
You need to grab hold of your balls, look down and think, "This is my lot in life. I have these. I'm going to mow down any fucking bullshit that stands in my way." Look at the weaklings managing to do it. You expect these people to just understand you? You have to MAKE them understand you. Don't take their aloofness personally. Progress is not made by the majority. It isn't even recognised by the majority (or recognized...I don't even know if you're American, Britis or something else).
I've been abused, imprisoned, set on fire, shot, rejected countless times, had to sleep outdoors, been called pathetic by people who seemed to be well adjusted and had disappointment expressed by people I thought understood me. It blows, but that just meant I hadn't made myself clear yet. Now, I have learned to make myself perfectly clear. Best of all, I understand myself better now. I'm betting I'm a few years older than you. I didn't see things this clearly even a few years ago. It comes in bits. It's like a novel, a puzzle and a riddle all piled into one. You HAVE to see it through. Once you are resolute in that, those sunny days will start popping up in unexpected places.
Try boxing. It helps me work some shit out of my system. Motorcycle riding. Maybe fishing. I don't know, but there are ways to train your soul to appreciate things. I'm adding you to my friends list. Addme back. You might find something usefull in my week to week ramblings. Life is a bitch, dude...but it's also a stitch. You'll see the balance as soon as you look for it.
impulse13_7@hotmail.com if you are inclined toward MSN.
Reply
I'm not saying i'll end my life...but thats just how i feel right now. underneath i'm a fighter...i've just lost the will to carry on...but im trying to find it again.
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