Close the shutters, switch the blinds.
i started a real diary last week. Ew, I don't like calling it a diary, I'm going to call it a journal. Or, a "notebook." I don't know why, after 4 or 5 years on this thing, it suddenly hit me that the concept is a little skeevy. I mean, the idea that ANYONE can read this. That never bothered me at all before, I felt that I as am an open book, that my feelings are worth aknowledging and sharing.
While this is true, I've also realized that:
A. there are some people in the world that do not view me as a complex human being and are just looking for juicy dirt
B. I am putting a massive amount of trust in what could be strangers or distant aqquaintances, and while that's alright for some issues, there are others that I need to protect.
C. Even people that you trust sometimes stab you in the back when they have information at hand.
D. Sometimes I don't WANT feedback on my innermost thoughts, or want anyone to have opinions about them.
E. There are people in my life who have access to this journal with whom my relationship has changed, and i don't feel comfortable being candid with them anymore. I know it's strange that I'm willing to share things with potential strangers that I am not willing to share with former loved ones, but that's the way it is. There are some ideas and insecurities i am feeling in my heart which should not be open to them.
So now i have to find a way to balance the two. I have been only writing in said real journal for the past week. It will be interesting to see what becomes of this, my public pedestal.
While this is true, I've also realized that:
A. there are some people in the world that do not view me as a complex human being and are just looking for juicy dirt
B. I am putting a massive amount of trust in what could be strangers or distant aqquaintances, and while that's alright for some issues, there are others that I need to protect.
C. Even people that you trust sometimes stab you in the back when they have information at hand.
D. Sometimes I don't WANT feedback on my innermost thoughts, or want anyone to have opinions about them.
E. There are people in my life who have access to this journal with whom my relationship has changed, and i don't feel comfortable being candid with them anymore. I know it's strange that I'm willing to share things with potential strangers that I am not willing to share with former loved ones, but that's the way it is. There are some ideas and insecurities i am feeling in my heart which should not be open to them.
So now i have to find a way to balance the two. I have been only writing in said real journal for the past week. It will be interesting to see what becomes of this, my public pedestal.