(no subject)
So this kinda annoys me...I don't know why. But people always friggin ask me why I don't have a boyfriend and why I turn down guys that "really have a lot of feelings for me."
I've only been in love once. I don't care if people say I'm too young or if they say that I'm naive...I know what I felt. And I know what it feels like to be so completely in love with somebody to the point where you even love their flaws. It's the most amazing feeling ever and it's truly a gift to feel that way.
Now, people "my age" take advantage of that. They go and date a different person every month and they tell each of their partners "I love you." I just can't bring myself to do that. After knowing what it's really like to be in love, I'd never want to take that for granted and use those 3 words so lightly like others do.
It's officially been 2 years since I last saw him...which is a hell of a long time to be alone...but I don't mind it. Lately, I've felt like I'm not taking the chance to get to know these guys that "like me." I feel like I'm passing up great people. The thing is, though, I will know when I'm attracted to somebody. If I don't feel that initial spark...why go through with it? Because even though other people don't like to admit it, physical attraction is what catches your eye first. I just haven't felt that way for anybody in 2 years. It's not that I'm not normal...but I don't see the point in me dating somebody who really likes me while I don't like them.
It's not so much that I'm afraid of getting hurt again...I just flat out don't have feelings for anybody. I've learned that with me...when I fall in love...I will give my heart and soul completely to that other person. It takes me quite awhile to fall for somebody and when I do, it's special. Ever since I've loved like that, I can only see myself with somebody who I feel that for. Did that make sense? I'm waiting for somebody who I can love in that way again...that profound and complete way.
He was the only guy I ever felt truly comfortable being around. I'd get butterflies while around him but at the same time I was completely myself. You know how in movies when they show a couple hugging and looking into each others eyes? When you think about it...doing that in real life would be odd. With him, it wasn't. It was like we were looking at each other as if we were taking in our last glances before death...searching each others eyes, examining every feature. It was the most beautiful feeling I've ever had. I haven't felt that comfortable with anybody since then.
And THAT is why I do not desire a relationship :)
I've only been in love once. I don't care if people say I'm too young or if they say that I'm naive...I know what I felt. And I know what it feels like to be so completely in love with somebody to the point where you even love their flaws. It's the most amazing feeling ever and it's truly a gift to feel that way.
Now, people "my age" take advantage of that. They go and date a different person every month and they tell each of their partners "I love you." I just can't bring myself to do that. After knowing what it's really like to be in love, I'd never want to take that for granted and use those 3 words so lightly like others do.
It's officially been 2 years since I last saw him...which is a hell of a long time to be alone...but I don't mind it. Lately, I've felt like I'm not taking the chance to get to know these guys that "like me." I feel like I'm passing up great people. The thing is, though, I will know when I'm attracted to somebody. If I don't feel that initial spark...why go through with it? Because even though other people don't like to admit it, physical attraction is what catches your eye first. I just haven't felt that way for anybody in 2 years. It's not that I'm not normal...but I don't see the point in me dating somebody who really likes me while I don't like them.
It's not so much that I'm afraid of getting hurt again...I just flat out don't have feelings for anybody. I've learned that with me...when I fall in love...I will give my heart and soul completely to that other person. It takes me quite awhile to fall for somebody and when I do, it's special. Ever since I've loved like that, I can only see myself with somebody who I feel that for. Did that make sense? I'm waiting for somebody who I can love in that way again...that profound and complete way.
He was the only guy I ever felt truly comfortable being around. I'd get butterflies while around him but at the same time I was completely myself. You know how in movies when they show a couple hugging and looking into each others eyes? When you think about it...doing that in real life would be odd. With him, it wasn't. It was like we were looking at each other as if we were taking in our last glances before death...searching each others eyes, examining every feature. It was the most beautiful feeling I've ever had. I haven't felt that comfortable with anybody since then.
And THAT is why I do not desire a relationship :)