i wonder if ill ever see you again
*sigh* o god i hate the end of the year. im thinking back on everything and im so sad, im sitting here crying over it all and hating myself for it. im over everything thats happened in this past year, at least i think i am, im good with anna. im good with david. my friends broke up, but its cool. we all changed and its cool. mom and dad....its getting ok to get use to now. but what really bothers me is that...im thinking right, and im reading this stuff from what seems like so long ago, and i feel so...forgotten.. like all that time i was with u it meant nothing...like i said guys im over all the drama and the stuff that happened this year and last but i dont know....i guess i wud like to know that i was somthing to u....that u cudnt just easily erase the times we shared together... that i wasnt just somthing u cudnt look back on. one of the ppl im talking about ironically said somthing that fit this perfectly as i write this, they said "my mind isnt allowed to think past five minutes ago" and i dont know why but it felt like a spear going through my nervouse system. i hate it when i wanna talk about a funny situation that happened between us his year or the last and then feel guilty afterward becuz we were dating or we had a fight at the time and then saying somthing like "o but that was in the past" or "cest le vie" to cover it up...and now i hafta end this journal the same way i end a forgotten, erased, unwanted memory that u had with me but i absolutly cherished, i have to smile and say, "but the past was the past" and pretend to be right alongside u and act like it never happened....