when I get sleepy, my mood deteriorates.
I have had an extremely hard time waking up and going to bed this week. It could possibly be due to the changing weather, as this has been the first big wintry-weather week of the season. Snow has been around for a few days already, and tonight they're calling for freezing rain. Icky! It's just so much cozier to stay inside and/or in bed.
My mom and I were talking on the phone a few weeks ago, and somehow she got onto the subject of worrying about things - I think we were talking about her job search, after QU decided to let her go a couple of months ago. My parents tried to come visit the weekend after mom was let go at work, but car troubles got them as far as Springfield on Saturday, then they stayed overnight, and Andrew and I met up with them in Springfield the following day. Mom did not look good at all - she looked pallid and like she was falling ill with something. Later on, she had said that she was just worried sick about not having employment. She was hoping that I did not get her "worry" gene; however, as soon as she said that, I knew exactly what she was talking about in terms of worrying about things obsessively, even if they're 100% out of my control.
I only get in these "worry" modes every so often, however - most of the time, I'm fine to go about life as normal. The other times, however, I'm really down. I'm feeling that way today, probably partially because of the odd/bad sleep that I've had so far this week.
Last night, I was having a bad dream. Anymore, I hardly ever remember my dreams, unless I wake up in the middle of one either by my alarm or from Andrew coming to bed. Last night, when Andrew had come to bed, I woke up after dreaming that we had broken up, and that I had moved back into my parents' house. (Afer that, in the dream, Tom and I were also discussing something, and I went about trimming up a boneless chicken breast with a knife, then switch to Andrew's hobby knife that he uses to open DVDs and the like. That's when Andrew came to bed and I woke up.)
I was like, what the hell?! Why, when I actually remember my dream for once, is it about something bad... and then something really, really random? At least Andrew was right there to hold me and cuddle at the moment I woke up. :) So that was fine.
Anyway. When I get into these "down" times where I worry a lot, I start worrying a lot about my weight. I know, I know... same story that's been going on my whole life. It really disheartens me that I have the discipline within me to finish the undergrad degree, work full-time, work on the grad degree now, have my finances in order (though I'm in debt, I'm paying things off fairly quickly), but I do not have the ability to do the same with my weight. Then I get to thinking about the whole WW thing several years back, and how I was able to lose 45 lbs... then gain 70 right back. It's really disheartening that I don't seem to have the ability to control that aspect of my life the way that I'd like to.
Sometimes, I feel like I'm cheating Andrew, because we started dating right when I stopped going to WW, so I was quite a bit smaller than I am now. Everyone else kinda knows me to be the way I am now, but I was not like this when he first met me.
...Tom's back at work, so I'll continue later. (That's another subject to touch on!)
My mom and I were talking on the phone a few weeks ago, and somehow she got onto the subject of worrying about things - I think we were talking about her job search, after QU decided to let her go a couple of months ago. My parents tried to come visit the weekend after mom was let go at work, but car troubles got them as far as Springfield on Saturday, then they stayed overnight, and Andrew and I met up with them in Springfield the following day. Mom did not look good at all - she looked pallid and like she was falling ill with something. Later on, she had said that she was just worried sick about not having employment. She was hoping that I did not get her "worry" gene; however, as soon as she said that, I knew exactly what she was talking about in terms of worrying about things obsessively, even if they're 100% out of my control.
I only get in these "worry" modes every so often, however - most of the time, I'm fine to go about life as normal. The other times, however, I'm really down. I'm feeling that way today, probably partially because of the odd/bad sleep that I've had so far this week.
Last night, I was having a bad dream. Anymore, I hardly ever remember my dreams, unless I wake up in the middle of one either by my alarm or from Andrew coming to bed. Last night, when Andrew had come to bed, I woke up after dreaming that we had broken up, and that I had moved back into my parents' house. (Afer that, in the dream, Tom and I were also discussing something, and I went about trimming up a boneless chicken breast with a knife, then switch to Andrew's hobby knife that he uses to open DVDs and the like. That's when Andrew came to bed and I woke up.)
I was like, what the hell?! Why, when I actually remember my dream for once, is it about something bad... and then something really, really random? At least Andrew was right there to hold me and cuddle at the moment I woke up. :) So that was fine.
Anyway. When I get into these "down" times where I worry a lot, I start worrying a lot about my weight. I know, I know... same story that's been going on my whole life. It really disheartens me that I have the discipline within me to finish the undergrad degree, work full-time, work on the grad degree now, have my finances in order (though I'm in debt, I'm paying things off fairly quickly), but I do not have the ability to do the same with my weight. Then I get to thinking about the whole WW thing several years back, and how I was able to lose 45 lbs... then gain 70 right back. It's really disheartening that I don't seem to have the ability to control that aspect of my life the way that I'd like to.
Sometimes, I feel like I'm cheating Andrew, because we started dating right when I stopped going to WW, so I was quite a bit smaller than I am now. Everyone else kinda knows me to be the way I am now, but I was not like this when he first met me.
...Tom's back at work, so I'll continue later. (That's another subject to touch on!)