Why I'm Republican
I want people to know that I'm Republican, and why, because it seems like so many people have problems with that.
I grew up the most liberal of liberals. I partially give that to my parents and partially to where I grew up. I didn't grow up with a lot of boundaries or constrictions, I grew up basically forming my own views of the world or else getting it externally. And growing up in Bellingham, where there was anti-war, pro-choice, and anti-government rallies every weekend on the corner (where I think Rite Aid is . . .I can never remember the name of that street), the Rainbow Coalition and hippies (don't you tell me there's not massive amounts of hippies there, it's even known down here for it), it was hard to not be a liberal. Plus my parents. Anyone who has met my dad knows that Rush Limbaugh is the devil and O'Reilly should be shot. Not that I ever saw a wink of them when I was a kid; I just believed what he said.
The first time I remember even thinking about politics, like any other kid, was in school, when it was election time for class presidents in the middle schools. I always thought it was stupid: the popular kid would win and the dorky kid would lose. No matter what. It was always the kid with the most friends who won. Isn't that how it always was? That always turned me off the political trail until I was a bit older in a college class while I was in Running Start. Now, just to let you know, my Poli-Sci teacher was nuts. Not NUTS, just kind of on the interesting side. Her favorite shirt was a pink sweatshirt with Mickey and Minnie on the front, and ever since I was a kid, any adult wearing a Disney character was assumed to be a bit off. ;) ANYways, she discussed politics like I never really thought of it. She said Quayle was a brilliant man. By the end of the class, I think she convinced everyone in that class of it, too, despite the whole "potatoe" incident. But, what I remember most about the class was that every time that she would point out the differences in political parties, I always thought that she had it wrong, because I identified more with the Republicans and conservatives than the liberals and the Democrats. But, I didn't want to tell anyone that. I noticed what they did, what I did when any conservatives came around. We'd snap at them until they would just give up and stop arguing or they would change their mind. I didn't want to be one of them (dun dun DUUUN). I wanted to be part of the crowd.
Then, I remember the first election I got to vote in: Kerry vs. Bush. I didn't like Kerry. He was a zombie. He talked like a zombie, walked like a zombie, and I have a great fear of zombies, to be honest. No, really, I just didn't like him. Why? I didn't know. My brother loved him. He made sure to show me every video. He even helped out the Democratic party that time, I think. My dad didn't seem to like Kerry all that much, either, but he hated Bush, so that was that. My mom never really had that much of an outward position on politics, but I seemed to sense she hated Bush too. I mean, how many anti-Bush rallies, T-shirts, stickers, and all sorts of paraphernalia before you hate him too? So I voted Kerry. And, man, I felt sorry for all the fuckers that voted Bush. I mean, SUPER sorry. I remember reaming into poor Heather a million times with all my liberal friends, never having any proof or reason, but just the hatred of Bush spurred us on. I remember sitting in a meeting in the Chrysalis hoping and praying with all the rest of them that Kerry won, and wondering why? I mean, we were in a war already, we had already been attacked, what could this zombie do better than anyone else. But, eh, he wasn't the enemy. I just didn't care.
Many years past. I went to school, dated, had fun, got on with life. I did a lot of personal soul searching after my sister passed away. Thinking about what kind of person I should be before I died some day. I have to say that I really started to think differently, and I guess, not so differently (I'll get to that little bit of confusion here in a sec). I had been letting all these external things lead my life, not just politically, but this is what the post is about so I'll focus on that. I cared so much about what people thought of me. Of how people saw me. Of what other people wanted me to believe. I never really sat down and figured out what I really do believe. So I never really changed or thought differently, I just started to think. For myself. So, even though I didn't really put it out there, I didn't really consider myself Democrat, I was more just an Independent (secretly I called myself an Equalist, because some day I think I may come out with my own party called that). Then, I moved to Tacoma.
Here is the turning point of it all: this past election. I was totally content in being an Independent with my own belief system. I had views that were a bit more conservative, but I never really thought of even being a Republican at all. This past election really upset me. I would be sitting at my computer or watching my television looking up political bullshit, just to inform myself, because I really like doing that. Watching all the news channels to get the most information. Reading all the newspapers, so on and so forth. But, slowly but surely, I started seeing opinions or words slip into supposedly bi-partisan information. Just little things to discredit someone or make one side look better. Nothing scary, just something I noticed. And, when it comes to me, I am all about fair. I want things to be as fair as possible. I'm about fair and taking personal responsibility and accountability. My belief is that we are all born the same, and we make the decisions that form us and make us who we are and there is no one else to blame or praise but yourself. Yes, there are always those external things that can make those decisions easier or harder to make, but at the end of the day, you are the only one that is inside your head and the only one that can make you move to whichever direction you take. And when people start to use something or someone as a scapegoat, or start to make excuses, that really, really bugs me. Sorry. . .got on a tangent.
Anyways, so here are all these political stories starting to go awry. I'm noticing when I watch certain news people and read certain newspapers, they are just starting to lean a little too far to the left. And LET ME TELL YOU ONE THING! I was not looking for it. The people that know me know that I don't just look for crackpot ideas. I actually always thought of the conspiracy theorists to be a bit crazy. But, here I was, one day looking at the New York Times, and wondering if I was the only one that was seeing this. I really was wondering if I was going crazy. Because I always loved journalism. That was one happy point I remember mostly as a kid: growing up watching the evening news with my dad. Watching the dressed up news reporters, so official, describing the days important events like emotionless dolls. I thought they were so. . .untouchable. Like they were hand picked as the few people out of society who didn't care about who was right and who was wrong. They didn't waver if they had to tell a story about a kitten caught in a tree or a girl found in a river. It sounds sort of sick, but I really thought they had something special that no one else did. They didn't care who thought what of them, they were just there to report the news. So, to sit here at this exact computer and start watching news reporters turn on certain folks, using words and tones that were just unmistakably normal and biased, I was really shocked and my views of this exclusive journalistic society were shattered. And then I was shocked when people didn't care. That no one else noticed that these people who were supposed to be reporting our news downright gave up on bi-partisan behavior. Palin is a perfect example. I really have to be completely honest that I didn't know anything about her before I found out the inconceivable (and completely untrue) rumor that she burned books. I was floored that it was on the news. If it's on the news, it's true, right? No.
And you can't sit here and tell me that the media and journalists treated the two parties the same. You can not tell me without being called a liar and I'll have a million different reasons why. And like I said, I wasn't looking for it. I wasn't just sitting on the edge of my chair looking for some sort of something, anything to make me turn the other way--like so many people would like to think. I really, reasonably made my decision to go from Independent to Republican because I root for the underdog. Not just that, I know, I have a lot of conservative beliefs. But, really. I couldn't be part of a party that screamed for fairness when I saw so much hatred and downright sneaky, elusive behavior. I couldn't fully put myself into a party that would act like that. It scared me that I was like that. I was that for many years. And, you know what, that's what makes me a little bitter about the whole thing. Is that it took that little bit to make me realize what a big ass I was being. I was using my political belief as an excuse (which, as you remember from earlier, is LAME) to pick on others for theirs. Unwelcomed or otherwise. Without invitation, mostly, like funny little LJ posts about how stupid Bush is, or why Republicans suck or other hurtful things that I just didn't think about until I became one. I know all liberals are not like that. I know there are good and bad on both sides. But, from half of the liberal people that I know, once I tell them I'm a Republican, they seem to stop caring about my opinion and/or just stop talking to me. Or, like most people that I've encountered in Bellingham (NO OFFENSE AGAIN, it's just from personal encounters, and note I'm not saying EVERYONE), they feel like it's a free war zone for them. Like they can yell at me and give me all these excuses to change my mind or make me feel bad for what I believe in.
I was always told that, as a liberal, I should and was part of the party that was the most accepting of everyone for who they were. Personally, I've grown accustomed to people hating me because of how I feel and what I believe in. How I believe this country should be run. I know that I'm still the same me that I always was, people just treat me differently. I've got pretty bold opinions and theories about the world, I just don't feel it necessary to place them on display unless I feel threatened or offended by others. Don't get me wrong though, I'm proud of who I am and what I believe in.
I grew up the most liberal of liberals. I partially give that to my parents and partially to where I grew up. I didn't grow up with a lot of boundaries or constrictions, I grew up basically forming my own views of the world or else getting it externally. And growing up in Bellingham, where there was anti-war, pro-choice, and anti-government rallies every weekend on the corner (where I think Rite Aid is . . .I can never remember the name of that street), the Rainbow Coalition and hippies (don't you tell me there's not massive amounts of hippies there, it's even known down here for it), it was hard to not be a liberal. Plus my parents. Anyone who has met my dad knows that Rush Limbaugh is the devil and O'Reilly should be shot. Not that I ever saw a wink of them when I was a kid; I just believed what he said.
The first time I remember even thinking about politics, like any other kid, was in school, when it was election time for class presidents in the middle schools. I always thought it was stupid: the popular kid would win and the dorky kid would lose. No matter what. It was always the kid with the most friends who won. Isn't that how it always was? That always turned me off the political trail until I was a bit older in a college class while I was in Running Start. Now, just to let you know, my Poli-Sci teacher was nuts. Not NUTS, just kind of on the interesting side. Her favorite shirt was a pink sweatshirt with Mickey and Minnie on the front, and ever since I was a kid, any adult wearing a Disney character was assumed to be a bit off. ;) ANYways, she discussed politics like I never really thought of it. She said Quayle was a brilliant man. By the end of the class, I think she convinced everyone in that class of it, too, despite the whole "potatoe" incident. But, what I remember most about the class was that every time that she would point out the differences in political parties, I always thought that she had it wrong, because I identified more with the Republicans and conservatives than the liberals and the Democrats. But, I didn't want to tell anyone that. I noticed what they did, what I did when any conservatives came around. We'd snap at them until they would just give up and stop arguing or they would change their mind. I didn't want to be one of them (dun dun DUUUN). I wanted to be part of the crowd.
Then, I remember the first election I got to vote in: Kerry vs. Bush. I didn't like Kerry. He was a zombie. He talked like a zombie, walked like a zombie, and I have a great fear of zombies, to be honest. No, really, I just didn't like him. Why? I didn't know. My brother loved him. He made sure to show me every video. He even helped out the Democratic party that time, I think. My dad didn't seem to like Kerry all that much, either, but he hated Bush, so that was that. My mom never really had that much of an outward position on politics, but I seemed to sense she hated Bush too. I mean, how many anti-Bush rallies, T-shirts, stickers, and all sorts of paraphernalia before you hate him too? So I voted Kerry. And, man, I felt sorry for all the fuckers that voted Bush. I mean, SUPER sorry. I remember reaming into poor Heather a million times with all my liberal friends, never having any proof or reason, but just the hatred of Bush spurred us on. I remember sitting in a meeting in the Chrysalis hoping and praying with all the rest of them that Kerry won, and wondering why? I mean, we were in a war already, we had already been attacked, what could this zombie do better than anyone else. But, eh, he wasn't the enemy. I just didn't care.
Many years past. I went to school, dated, had fun, got on with life. I did a lot of personal soul searching after my sister passed away. Thinking about what kind of person I should be before I died some day. I have to say that I really started to think differently, and I guess, not so differently (I'll get to that little bit of confusion here in a sec). I had been letting all these external things lead my life, not just politically, but this is what the post is about so I'll focus on that. I cared so much about what people thought of me. Of how people saw me. Of what other people wanted me to believe. I never really sat down and figured out what I really do believe. So I never really changed or thought differently, I just started to think. For myself. So, even though I didn't really put it out there, I didn't really consider myself Democrat, I was more just an Independent (secretly I called myself an Equalist, because some day I think I may come out with my own party called that). Then, I moved to Tacoma.
Here is the turning point of it all: this past election. I was totally content in being an Independent with my own belief system. I had views that were a bit more conservative, but I never really thought of even being a Republican at all. This past election really upset me. I would be sitting at my computer or watching my television looking up political bullshit, just to inform myself, because I really like doing that. Watching all the news channels to get the most information. Reading all the newspapers, so on and so forth. But, slowly but surely, I started seeing opinions or words slip into supposedly bi-partisan information. Just little things to discredit someone or make one side look better. Nothing scary, just something I noticed. And, when it comes to me, I am all about fair. I want things to be as fair as possible. I'm about fair and taking personal responsibility and accountability. My belief is that we are all born the same, and we make the decisions that form us and make us who we are and there is no one else to blame or praise but yourself. Yes, there are always those external things that can make those decisions easier or harder to make, but at the end of the day, you are the only one that is inside your head and the only one that can make you move to whichever direction you take. And when people start to use something or someone as a scapegoat, or start to make excuses, that really, really bugs me. Sorry. . .got on a tangent.
Anyways, so here are all these political stories starting to go awry. I'm noticing when I watch certain news people and read certain newspapers, they are just starting to lean a little too far to the left. And LET ME TELL YOU ONE THING! I was not looking for it. The people that know me know that I don't just look for crackpot ideas. I actually always thought of the conspiracy theorists to be a bit crazy. But, here I was, one day looking at the New York Times, and wondering if I was the only one that was seeing this. I really was wondering if I was going crazy. Because I always loved journalism. That was one happy point I remember mostly as a kid: growing up watching the evening news with my dad. Watching the dressed up news reporters, so official, describing the days important events like emotionless dolls. I thought they were so. . .untouchable. Like they were hand picked as the few people out of society who didn't care about who was right and who was wrong. They didn't waver if they had to tell a story about a kitten caught in a tree or a girl found in a river. It sounds sort of sick, but I really thought they had something special that no one else did. They didn't care who thought what of them, they were just there to report the news. So, to sit here at this exact computer and start watching news reporters turn on certain folks, using words and tones that were just unmistakably normal and biased, I was really shocked and my views of this exclusive journalistic society were shattered. And then I was shocked when people didn't care. That no one else noticed that these people who were supposed to be reporting our news downright gave up on bi-partisan behavior. Palin is a perfect example. I really have to be completely honest that I didn't know anything about her before I found out the inconceivable (and completely untrue) rumor that she burned books. I was floored that it was on the news. If it's on the news, it's true, right? No.
And you can't sit here and tell me that the media and journalists treated the two parties the same. You can not tell me without being called a liar and I'll have a million different reasons why. And like I said, I wasn't looking for it. I wasn't just sitting on the edge of my chair looking for some sort of something, anything to make me turn the other way--like so many people would like to think. I really, reasonably made my decision to go from Independent to Republican because I root for the underdog. Not just that, I know, I have a lot of conservative beliefs. But, really. I couldn't be part of a party that screamed for fairness when I saw so much hatred and downright sneaky, elusive behavior. I couldn't fully put myself into a party that would act like that. It scared me that I was like that. I was that for many years. And, you know what, that's what makes me a little bitter about the whole thing. Is that it took that little bit to make me realize what a big ass I was being. I was using my political belief as an excuse (which, as you remember from earlier, is LAME) to pick on others for theirs. Unwelcomed or otherwise. Without invitation, mostly, like funny little LJ posts about how stupid Bush is, or why Republicans suck or other hurtful things that I just didn't think about until I became one. I know all liberals are not like that. I know there are good and bad on both sides. But, from half of the liberal people that I know, once I tell them I'm a Republican, they seem to stop caring about my opinion and/or just stop talking to me. Or, like most people that I've encountered in Bellingham (NO OFFENSE AGAIN, it's just from personal encounters, and note I'm not saying EVERYONE), they feel like it's a free war zone for them. Like they can yell at me and give me all these excuses to change my mind or make me feel bad for what I believe in.
I was always told that, as a liberal, I should and was part of the party that was the most accepting of everyone for who they were. Personally, I've grown accustomed to people hating me because of how I feel and what I believe in. How I believe this country should be run. I know that I'm still the same me that I always was, people just treat me differently. I've got pretty bold opinions and theories about the world, I just don't feel it necessary to place them on display unless I feel threatened or offended by others. Don't get me wrong though, I'm proud of who I am and what I believe in.