My life is in shambles

[thedestroyerx]

I feel like I'm talking to myself, but strangely, I'm okay with it. I want someone to talk to. I want someone to hold me, and tell me it's okay. Mostly, I want to scream. My back is against the wall, and it's like I'm discovering how inadequate I am at taking bad news.

I feel terrible. I haven't been reacting, and people think that I don't care, but I do.
I do.
I do.
I do.
I do.

I just get so angry when I hear my mom on the phone at 11:00 at night. Whoever she's talking to, I don't care. I don't care what she does, or doesn't do, but she has no right to alienate me from my own dad.

You say he isn't around enough, so you put him out? That seems a bit counterproductive to me. 
But that's just me, I suppose.

I don't mind facing this, I don't mind them not being together. I mind that I'm facing it alone. Could swear that I don't have an older brother sometimes, he's never here.
My dad isn't here.
And my mom is running around like a teenager.

It occurs to me that everyone is acting like a child.
Except me, the youngest.
I want to be the child here.

Whatever, I guess.

I'm supposed to be the solider
who never blows his her composure
even though I hold the weight of the whole world on my soldiers.