Essay By Shella Paz
I can't believe Shels died at such a young age. She was a nice person, definitely a Lasallian debater. I admire her for her simplicity and her humility. Most of all, she is a high school teacher, and I really admire people who dedicate their lives to teach.
I would like to share an essay she wrote before she died. :-)
We will forever miss you Shels!
"Essay for Iwill2will" by Shella Paz
[DISCLAIMER: When asked to talk about one's self, I think the tendency is to sell yourself good, or to vindicate some flaws. I don't really know where to begin. I don't know how honest or how accurate this essay will come out to be but I am hoping that in the end, it will serve at least two purposes: to help me sort out my thoughts about my self, and help me really prepare for the Iwill2will workshop]
Let's pretend I'm someone else other than myself, describing my self as a very familiar friend:
Shella is a 24 year old teacher, a graduate of De La Salle University, daughter of Mercedes and Nemrod. She lives in Quezon City. She is into drawing and painting, an avid reader, and a music enthusiast. She currently teaches World History at the Philippine Science High School. She earns meagerly and is still single.
The above reads like a slum book or an encyclopedia entry. Is it accurate? If I hear my friend saying that about me, what would I feel?
I think that the description above would answer the question "What am I?" rather than "Who am I?". "Who" is used to pertain to a person, to someone. And a person, perhaps, is more than his/her job, clothes, nationality or degree; more than the color of skin, height, width, favorite ice cream.
So, who am I? I think I am the life that I live. When I think of the meaning of "me", can't help but speak about the meaning of "my life".
What is my life? It may be described as the sum of all the circumstances I've gone through, thoughts and dreams I embrace, work I've done, tears I've shed (mushy..), laughter, things and people I love, my hopes, fears, the lessons I've learned throughout the years, and some of my drawings. The products of my experiences, choices, and responses as an individual make up my life.
But what if, to my surprise, I find someone somewhere in the other side of the world who looks, thinks, feels, and acts, exactly like I do? Would that mean there are two "me's"? What if, somewhere in time, I meet someone who've gone through the same things, dreamt and loved the same, laughed as loud and cried as shamelessly, and lived like I do, would that person be another "me"? Somehow, it's not enough to talk about one's self as a product of a set of possibilities. I feel that, to define one's self, it is a requirement also to distinguish one's existence from all the billions of other existence; perhaps, what makes the person a "someone", an "individual", is that which sets him/her apart--unique amidst the many peoples who live, have lived, and will live.
I used to think that I am not at all unique. A description of me can fit any one; if you just change the names and figures, it can be anybody. Even the thoughts I have and have had, even the most silent ones, these can be someone else's too.
However, I have come to believe that my existence is unique. I am a unique body and soul for one. My set of circumstances would also be impossibly the same with anybody else's. And most of all, I was uniquely designed, intended for a unique purpose and meaning by God. I am not one of the outcomes of mass-production in a factory; I was handcrafted by an omnipotent craftsman. And it doesn't stop there. I am also continuously being shaped and colored, tracked and guided, sustained, rebuilt, fortified, nurtured, and loved. I don't always feel good about what I am or what I do but this fact about me makes me love my self, my life.
What is that unique purpose that I was created for? What is the meaning of my life? I know now, that I was born to love. However, I am still unsure about which road to take, or which path to follow--I mean, I am uncertain about which lifetime career I should dedicate my self to, or what is the vocation I should see and follow.
In the meantime, I would like to live my life one day at a time. And I hope that I would live it each day fighting to love and learning how to love. I still have many hopes and dreams that I want to pursue, tears and troubles I want to overcome, yearnings I want to satisfy, but in the general sense this is what I want out of my life: to be what I ought to be and to never fall away on account of Him who saves me.
I would like to share an essay she wrote before she died. :-)
We will forever miss you Shels!
"Essay for Iwill2will" by Shella Paz
[DISCLAIMER: When asked to talk about one's self, I think the tendency is to sell yourself good, or to vindicate some flaws. I don't really know where to begin. I don't know how honest or how accurate this essay will come out to be but I am hoping that in the end, it will serve at least two purposes: to help me sort out my thoughts about my self, and help me really prepare for the Iwill2will workshop]
Let's pretend I'm someone else other than myself, describing my self as a very familiar friend:
Shella is a 24 year old teacher, a graduate of De La Salle University, daughter of Mercedes and Nemrod. She lives in Quezon City. She is into drawing and painting, an avid reader, and a music enthusiast. She currently teaches World History at the Philippine Science High School. She earns meagerly and is still single.
The above reads like a slum book or an encyclopedia entry. Is it accurate? If I hear my friend saying that about me, what would I feel?
I think that the description above would answer the question "What am I?" rather than "Who am I?". "Who" is used to pertain to a person, to someone. And a person, perhaps, is more than his/her job, clothes, nationality or degree; more than the color of skin, height, width, favorite ice cream.
So, who am I? I think I am the life that I live. When I think of the meaning of "me", can't help but speak about the meaning of "my life".
What is my life? It may be described as the sum of all the circumstances I've gone through, thoughts and dreams I embrace, work I've done, tears I've shed (mushy..), laughter, things and people I love, my hopes, fears, the lessons I've learned throughout the years, and some of my drawings. The products of my experiences, choices, and responses as an individual make up my life.
But what if, to my surprise, I find someone somewhere in the other side of the world who looks, thinks, feels, and acts, exactly like I do? Would that mean there are two "me's"? What if, somewhere in time, I meet someone who've gone through the same things, dreamt and loved the same, laughed as loud and cried as shamelessly, and lived like I do, would that person be another "me"? Somehow, it's not enough to talk about one's self as a product of a set of possibilities. I feel that, to define one's self, it is a requirement also to distinguish one's existence from all the billions of other existence; perhaps, what makes the person a "someone", an "individual", is that which sets him/her apart--unique amidst the many peoples who live, have lived, and will live.
I used to think that I am not at all unique. A description of me can fit any one; if you just change the names and figures, it can be anybody. Even the thoughts I have and have had, even the most silent ones, these can be someone else's too.
However, I have come to believe that my existence is unique. I am a unique body and soul for one. My set of circumstances would also be impossibly the same with anybody else's. And most of all, I was uniquely designed, intended for a unique purpose and meaning by God. I am not one of the outcomes of mass-production in a factory; I was handcrafted by an omnipotent craftsman. And it doesn't stop there. I am also continuously being shaped and colored, tracked and guided, sustained, rebuilt, fortified, nurtured, and loved. I don't always feel good about what I am or what I do but this fact about me makes me love my self, my life.
What is that unique purpose that I was created for? What is the meaning of my life? I know now, that I was born to love. However, I am still unsure about which road to take, or which path to follow--I mean, I am uncertain about which lifetime career I should dedicate my self to, or what is the vocation I should see and follow.
In the meantime, I would like to live my life one day at a time. And I hope that I would live it each day fighting to love and learning how to love. I still have many hopes and dreams that I want to pursue, tears and troubles I want to overcome, yearnings I want to satisfy, but in the general sense this is what I want out of my life: to be what I ought to be and to never fall away on account of Him who saves me.