"I can't even save myself..."
Messages, mixed in all their glory. What is it that she's trying to say? Is it really in everybody's minds that I'm wasted for this life and that drugs are always running through the traffic of abused viens within me? When did that impression leak it's way into the underworld of worry and contempt for my well being? I stated before that I was going out to find help for myself, and let me be the first, speaking on my own behalf, that the drugs don't work...I'm not so sure what causes me to fall out of existence on such a consistent level, but I apologize. I'm doing all I can with research and trying to figure out what's going on inside my head by myself, since no money means no doctors.
I would like to know how it is that I have somehow brought such a negative response out of alot of people lately. Last night Samantha and Glen kicked me out of their house. Lovely, yes. Another road block. Lucky for me, I've already been down so many paths, I know some short cuts. Unfortunately, I also have drivers beginning to swerve at me. So, I guess this next walk of mine is going to be succesful purely on the basis of how much luck I have left before I really begin having problems.
"How do you feel, that is the question
But I forget, you don't expect an easy answer"
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"A Picture of a Thousand Silent Voids"
I've been chasing you through verse and hook
And you've been chasing me through a paradox
When one smile loses it's edge, you change shape
Fitting into my dakest secrets
Everyone else scattered through the ones I placed on the table
Are the pictures fading, or burning?
You hold a match and I, a cigarette, so who tried saving who?
Silence holds an essence, but this room speaks words others have lied about
If truth were a supplement, then maybe this daze I'm under is confusion
For the words that are supposed to pull me up are the ones that put me down
A car wreck
Flashing lights that blind me cause me to look in darkness
I only hide in shadows because it's easier to see the stars
That twilight interface with all majestic wonders
Happiness
Act 3
Mixed reviews
Playing the part when you wanted the other role
Don't paint on the relative face
If you want to bow and run offstage
The audience shouts jeers at the actor
While you keep him behind the curtain
A fallen friend
A lost lover
A steered aproach with easy answers
But the ear is deaf with massed production
Remembering
Thinking, blinking, focused
Driven into a dead end, time to turn around again
Praise to give it a run out
Time moving like an echo, and you caught the last word
Ink running off the paper
Readers smearing illusions of art
Paint me up with your copper brush
And review my health as rusty hopes
Dismembered sillouhettes,
Dancing in the night
I'm an open rendition
Open sores of company
Fresh wounds of new worry
Your fears reflect in me
Every kiss a new surrender
Your tears falling down on me tonight
Out here in this cold world
I've lived,
You see me dead
Necronomicon lovers
Arms of the damned that hold our dreams
While I said that I love you, all you hear are tormented screams
All apologies, all I wanted to say
But if my name drives a spike inside you, I'll forever stay away
Come and find you
Forever running
Because you're forever chasing the me of yesterday
~J.D.~
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