super junior m | holiday drabbles and shortfic, part five.
Eleven to go after this...
Prompt: Super Junior Host Club
Zhou Mi/Kyuhyun, Sungmin, Leeteuk, Donghae, ninja Hanchul
"What is with the new guy?" Kyuhyun asks, elbowing Sungmin in the ribs and staring intently at the person in question. "He keeps tripping over things. And then smiling like he enjoys bruising his legs or something. It's so weird. He is perfectly competent at everything except not walking into chairs. I'm pretty sure that's not normal."
"I think that's part of the image Leeteuk-hyung told him to project," Sungmin says. "Only he's sort of botched it a little because of nerves. You know, cute-ditzy."
Kyuhyun looks confused. "Image?"
Sungmin stares at him. "You know, we're all supposed to be a certain 'type,' like, I'm the cute one that can kill you with my mind, Siwon's the hot Christian, Donghae's the charming one, Heechul's here to confuse the lesbians, and Yesung's the creepy old man on the subway." He pauses. "Oh, oops. I guess hyung didn't give you instructions because you're a stereotype without trying. My bad."
When Kyuhyun doesn't respond, he frowns. "Hey! Are you even listening?"
Kyuhyun blinks. "What? Oh. Yeah. What am I?"
"Hot stoic one," Sungmin says immediately.
"That's nice," Kyuhyun says absently, still staring out into the restaurant.
Before Sungmin can respond, Leeteuk whacks them both on the head with napkins. "Break time's over, you two. Kyuhyun, go help the new guy before he fractures something, and Sungmin, please find some way to remove Donghae from that table of blonde girls. I have tried everything."
Kyuhyun nods and rockets off, looking inordinately pleased with his life.
Sungmin rolls his eyes and heads toward the table where Donghae is gesturing animatedly and saying something that sounds vaguely English, and vaguely like "MY POODLE, CAN YOU TURN OFF THE LIGHTS PLEASE?"
Then he notices Kyuhyun and turns around.
"Hyung," he says to Leeteuk, who looks at him tiredly.
"What is it?"
"If you keep pairing up Kyuhyun and the new guy I think you're going to lose your day-shift tsundere," he says.
"How do you mean?"
"I mean," Sungmin says patiently, gesturing towards where Kyuhyun is taking some girl's order and blatantly craning his neck to the left to stare at the new guy, "you're going to have two creepy old men. In one shift. I think that's a fire safety hazard of some kind."
Leeteuk bangs his head on a counter.
"Make it go away," he moans.
"Aye aye, captain," Sungmin says, saluting. Then he marches over to Donghae, yanking him away from the table by the ear, and more or less throws him at the opposite corner of the restaurant. "Please take care of those tables," he says, as sweetly as he can.
Donghae blinks and nods.
Satisfied, Sungmin makes his way over to the new guy, and he can see Kyuhyun glaring at him out of the corner of his eye.
"Hey, you."
The new guy spins around. "Yes?"
"Zhou Mi, right?" Sungmin asks.
Han Geng raises at an eyebrow at both of them, but doesn't say a word.
"Yes!" Zhou Mi says. He bows. "Um, you are--"
"Lee Sungmin," Sungmin says. "Okay. So. You see that nitwit over there?" He points at Kyuhyun, whose head immediately swivels in the opposite direction.
"I do," Zhou Mi says, not comprehending.
"His name's Kyuhyun!" Sungmin says brightly. "And he's shy and can be a bit stupid despite being the smartest person in this room. I know you're new, but he still needs a little bit of guidance, so if you could help him out that'd be great!"
"Sure," Zhou Mi says doubtfully.
"And you can stop tripping over chairs now," Sungmin says. "I think Kyuhyun can handle that. You just be quiet, nerdy, and hot, okay?"
Han Geng blinks. "Now wait just a--"
Zhou Mi bites his lip. "But Leeteuk-hyung said--"
"Leeteuk-hyung is having a nervous breakdown," Sungmin says smoothly. "It's okay. He won't be mad, I promise. He asked me to take care of things for a little bit!"
Zhou Mi frowns. "Okay? So I just have to be quiet?"
"And hot," Sungmin supplies. "And talk to Kyuhyun."
"I think I can handle it? Maybe?"
Han Geng starts. "Oh! I had to be nerdy the last time Kyuhyun was out with the flu. Here. Have my glasses."
Zhou Mi blinks. "But I don't need gl--"
"They're not real glasses," Han Geng says.
"Oh," Zhou Mi says. He puts them on.
Sungmin grins wolfishly and then shoves Zhou Mi in the general direction of the tables.
"Okay," Sungmin says. "All taken care of."
Leeteuk looks up. "Really?"
"Yep," Sungmin says. "Except Kyuhyun is now going to be in a permanent state of dopey-happy."
Leeteuk frowns. "So how is th--"
Sungmin waves an arm. "Simple enough. Kyuhyun can be the ditz, and you can make Zhou Mi the hot stoic one. Also, I think some of the girls already ship them, and Donghae's flirting with a different table now. In Korean, thankfully."
Leeteuk looks like he's going to cry. "Oh God. Thank you so much. I just. Thank you." He pushes his hair back, sighing. "This job is just so stressful, I don't know how I could've managed without--"
"I want a raise," Sungmin says immediately.
Leeteuk's head reconnects with the counter.
Prompt: where QMi bond over the amount of hate being directed in their general direction/over their mutual foot-in-___ for vanillacat
Kyuhyun + Zhou Mi. this is inspired by the photo of Kyuhyun glued to his iPhone at the airport on December 31st. They flew to Shenzhen right after a performance in Korea for the Hunan New Years event. Because of the cyworld controversy, Kyuhyun was greeted both by fans and by anti-fans at the Shenzhen Airport. Some held signs that said "Cho Kyuhyun, 滚!" -- which basically means GTFO, but can also mean boil. Or roll (as in, roll around in a field of flowers).
Sometimes Kyuhyun wishes his iPhone would malfunction. Conveniently forget to beep at a new text message so that he might be surprised by that little red bubble when he checks his home screen for the fifteenth time that minute.
But it turns out the stupid thing works pretty well. No beep, no message. No message, no beep.
Then it does beep and Kyuhyun nearly has some sort of aneurysm before he looks at the sender and sees, in gentle white lettering: Lee Sungmin.
His heart sinks.
He adores Sungmin. But Sungmin didn't shoot off at the mouth, Sungmin does not leak verbal gaffes like a rusty sieve, Sungmin really has no clue what is going on, and frankly, if Sungmin wants to know if Kyuhyun and the others have landed safely in Shenzhen, he can watch the news like a normal person.
He resumes waiting.
Sits on that bench while the others collect their things and use the restroom. It's been two minutes and it feels like the longest of all eternities.
And the fans (are they fans? fans smile and jump up and down and scream his name, they don't scowl or push or say his name -- Cao Guixian, Zhao Kuixian, sometimes even he doesn't know which is which -- like it's filth, like it's dirt, like he doesn't belong, but he does and they know it; and he knows that ELF is a stupid meaningless moniker but can't help that wish it were more) just stare and shout and take pictures of his pathetic self staring pathetically at his phone. He pretends to play a game.
And then it arrives.
Zhou Mi:
Kyuhyun?
He's pretty sure he has an aneurysm. Hi, he types. I'm at an airport and it's noisy.
Zhou Mi:
I know. Manager hyung phoned me. Don't listen to them, okay?
Kyuhyun's short bark of laughter is muffled by his mask. I can't not listen to them. But as it turns out, I don't understand them. You and Hankyung hyung taught me well. It's almost ironic.
Zhou Mi:
We don't teach you the bad things.
Kyuhyun writes, You mean, "didn't teach"?
Zhou Mi:
Kyuhyun.
Zhou Mi:
I'm still here.
Ryeowook finally got his little peach butt out of the bathroom. I think we're going now. Are you backstage?
Zhou Mi:
Unfortunately.
Barring any fatal car accidents we probably will be too, soon.
Zhou Mi:
CHO KYUHYUN.
Sorry.
Zhou Mi:
Hurry.
Oh, hey, question. It took me awhile to figure out how to type it but what does 滚 mean?
Zhou Mi:
I think of bubbly gurgling noises.
Don't lie to me.
Zhou Mi:
I'm not lying!
You totally are. You are the worst liar in the world.
Zhou Mi:
I'm really not lying, Kyuhyun.
I just looked it up.
Zhou Mi:
Kyuhyun...no don't do that
They want me out again
Zhou Mi:
And me. But none of us want you out.
Or you. Let's do December over.
Zhou Mi:
Can't say I'd be opposed
Siwon hyung says I should sleep, it's an hour's drive from the airport.
Zhou Mi:
I'll be here.
You'd better.
Prompt: Happy QMi? Please? :(
Zhou Mi/Kyuhyun. Fun but unrelated fact: If you input Chinese with handwriting recognition and write "爱" (love) a little messily, you will get the following suggestions: 爱 (love!) 覓 (the "mi" in Zhou Mi, traditional) 觅 (the "mi" in Zhou Mi, simplified) KEKEKEKEKE. Also, thank God Kyuhyun's handwriting is atrocious, because I cannot write with a mouse.
I love you, Kyuhyun scrawls in Mandarin. 我爱你!
Zhou Mi raises an eyebrow at it. "Is that the best you can do?"
"Yeah, so, my parents didn't send me to chicken scratch cram school. The fans will eat it up no matter how ugly it is. Can I go now?"
"Chinese ELF will never believe you love them," Zhou Mi says sadly. "Because that is not 'love.' That is 尝."
"I'm sorry," Kyuhyun says. "My Chinese didn't get any better in the last three seconds. I have no idea what you just said."
"Kyuhyun," Zhou Mi says, still forlorn, "you are saying 'I am tasting you' with the crudest construction possible."
"Really?" Kyuhyun's eyes light up. "How do you say 'And you are delicious?'"
Zhou Mi sniffs. "I'm not answering that."
"'And I believe you just gave me food poisoning?'"
"No."
"Okay, well, fine." Kyuhyun grabs a fresh sheet of paper. "Fine. I'll humor you. But let's see you write Hangul, huh?"
Zhou Mi rolls his eyes, steals the fraying Sharpie, and scribbles, "Cho Kyuhyun, you are an idiot." in Korean.
Zhou Mi's Hangul is adorable. Kyuhyun's scowl deepens. "Is there anything you're not good at?"
"Lots of things," Zhou Mi says carefully, then pats his shoulder. "I have to go help Ryeowook. Keep practicing!"
Kyuhyun snorts. "Yeah, yeah."
Kyuhyun is gone by the time Zhou Mi gets back, but there is a large pile of crumpled up scratch paper on the table. On closer inspection, the pile is curved and framing a single loose leaf.
Prompt: Super Junior Host Club
Zhou Mi/Kyuhyun, Sungmin, Leeteuk, Donghae, ninja Hanchul
"What is with the new guy?" Kyuhyun asks, elbowing Sungmin in the ribs and staring intently at the person in question. "He keeps tripping over things. And then smiling like he enjoys bruising his legs or something. It's so weird. He is perfectly competent at everything except not walking into chairs. I'm pretty sure that's not normal."
"I think that's part of the image Leeteuk-hyung told him to project," Sungmin says. "Only he's sort of botched it a little because of nerves. You know, cute-ditzy."
Kyuhyun looks confused. "Image?"
Sungmin stares at him. "You know, we're all supposed to be a certain 'type,' like, I'm the cute one that can kill you with my mind, Siwon's the hot Christian, Donghae's the charming one, Heechul's here to confuse the lesbians, and Yesung's the creepy old man on the subway." He pauses. "Oh, oops. I guess hyung didn't give you instructions because you're a stereotype without trying. My bad."
When Kyuhyun doesn't respond, he frowns. "Hey! Are you even listening?"
Kyuhyun blinks. "What? Oh. Yeah. What am I?"
"Hot stoic one," Sungmin says immediately.
"That's nice," Kyuhyun says absently, still staring out into the restaurant.
Before Sungmin can respond, Leeteuk whacks them both on the head with napkins. "Break time's over, you two. Kyuhyun, go help the new guy before he fractures something, and Sungmin, please find some way to remove Donghae from that table of blonde girls. I have tried everything."
Kyuhyun nods and rockets off, looking inordinately pleased with his life.
Sungmin rolls his eyes and heads toward the table where Donghae is gesturing animatedly and saying something that sounds vaguely English, and vaguely like "MY POODLE, CAN YOU TURN OFF THE LIGHTS PLEASE?"
Then he notices Kyuhyun and turns around.
"Hyung," he says to Leeteuk, who looks at him tiredly.
"What is it?"
"If you keep pairing up Kyuhyun and the new guy I think you're going to lose your day-shift tsundere," he says.
"How do you mean?"
"I mean," Sungmin says patiently, gesturing towards where Kyuhyun is taking some girl's order and blatantly craning his neck to the left to stare at the new guy, "you're going to have two creepy old men. In one shift. I think that's a fire safety hazard of some kind."
Leeteuk bangs his head on a counter.
"Make it go away," he moans.
"Aye aye, captain," Sungmin says, saluting. Then he marches over to Donghae, yanking him away from the table by the ear, and more or less throws him at the opposite corner of the restaurant. "Please take care of those tables," he says, as sweetly as he can.
Donghae blinks and nods.
Satisfied, Sungmin makes his way over to the new guy, and he can see Kyuhyun glaring at him out of the corner of his eye.
"Hey, you."
The new guy spins around. "Yes?"
"Zhou Mi, right?" Sungmin asks.
Han Geng raises at an eyebrow at both of them, but doesn't say a word.
"Yes!" Zhou Mi says. He bows. "Um, you are--"
"Lee Sungmin," Sungmin says. "Okay. So. You see that nitwit over there?" He points at Kyuhyun, whose head immediately swivels in the opposite direction.
"I do," Zhou Mi says, not comprehending.
"His name's Kyuhyun!" Sungmin says brightly. "And he's shy and can be a bit stupid despite being the smartest person in this room. I know you're new, but he still needs a little bit of guidance, so if you could help him out that'd be great!"
"Sure," Zhou Mi says doubtfully.
"And you can stop tripping over chairs now," Sungmin says. "I think Kyuhyun can handle that. You just be quiet, nerdy, and hot, okay?"
Han Geng blinks. "Now wait just a--"
Zhou Mi bites his lip. "But Leeteuk-hyung said--"
"Leeteuk-hyung is having a nervous breakdown," Sungmin says smoothly. "It's okay. He won't be mad, I promise. He asked me to take care of things for a little bit!"
Zhou Mi frowns. "Okay? So I just have to be quiet?"
"And hot," Sungmin supplies. "And talk to Kyuhyun."
"I think I can handle it? Maybe?"
Han Geng starts. "Oh! I had to be nerdy the last time Kyuhyun was out with the flu. Here. Have my glasses."
Zhou Mi blinks. "But I don't need gl--"
"They're not real glasses," Han Geng says.
"Oh," Zhou Mi says. He puts them on.
Sungmin grins wolfishly and then shoves Zhou Mi in the general direction of the tables.
"Okay," Sungmin says. "All taken care of."
Leeteuk looks up. "Really?"
"Yep," Sungmin says. "Except Kyuhyun is now going to be in a permanent state of dopey-happy."
Leeteuk frowns. "So how is th--"
Sungmin waves an arm. "Simple enough. Kyuhyun can be the ditz, and you can make Zhou Mi the hot stoic one. Also, I think some of the girls already ship them, and Donghae's flirting with a different table now. In Korean, thankfully."
Leeteuk looks like he's going to cry. "Oh God. Thank you so much. I just. Thank you." He pushes his hair back, sighing. "This job is just so stressful, I don't know how I could've managed without--"
"I want a raise," Sungmin says immediately.
Leeteuk's head reconnects with the counter.
Prompt: where QMi bond over the amount of hate being directed in their general direction/over their mutual foot-in-___ for vanillacat
Kyuhyun + Zhou Mi. this is inspired by the photo of Kyuhyun glued to his iPhone at the airport on December 31st. They flew to Shenzhen right after a performance in Korea for the Hunan New Years event. Because of the cyworld controversy, Kyuhyun was greeted both by fans and by anti-fans at the Shenzhen Airport. Some held signs that said "Cho Kyuhyun, 滚!" -- which basically means GTFO, but can also mean boil. Or roll (as in, roll around in a field of flowers).
Sometimes Kyuhyun wishes his iPhone would malfunction. Conveniently forget to beep at a new text message so that he might be surprised by that little red bubble when he checks his home screen for the fifteenth time that minute.
But it turns out the stupid thing works pretty well. No beep, no message. No message, no beep.
Then it does beep and Kyuhyun nearly has some sort of aneurysm before he looks at the sender and sees, in gentle white lettering: Lee Sungmin.
His heart sinks.
He adores Sungmin. But Sungmin didn't shoot off at the mouth, Sungmin does not leak verbal gaffes like a rusty sieve, Sungmin really has no clue what is going on, and frankly, if Sungmin wants to know if Kyuhyun and the others have landed safely in Shenzhen, he can watch the news like a normal person.
He resumes waiting.
Sits on that bench while the others collect their things and use the restroom. It's been two minutes and it feels like the longest of all eternities.
And the fans (are they fans? fans smile and jump up and down and scream his name, they don't scowl or push or say his name -- Cao Guixian, Zhao Kuixian, sometimes even he doesn't know which is which -- like it's filth, like it's dirt, like he doesn't belong, but he does and they know it; and he knows that ELF is a stupid meaningless moniker but can't help that wish it were more) just stare and shout and take pictures of his pathetic self staring pathetically at his phone. He pretends to play a game.
And then it arrives.
Zhou Mi:
Kyuhyun?
He's pretty sure he has an aneurysm. Hi, he types. I'm at an airport and it's noisy.
Zhou Mi:
I know. Manager hyung phoned me. Don't listen to them, okay?
Kyuhyun's short bark of laughter is muffled by his mask. I can't not listen to them. But as it turns out, I don't understand them. You and Hankyung hyung taught me well. It's almost ironic.
Zhou Mi:
We don't teach you the bad things.
Kyuhyun writes, You mean, "didn't teach"?
Zhou Mi:
Kyuhyun.
Zhou Mi:
I'm still here.
Ryeowook finally got his little peach butt out of the bathroom. I think we're going now. Are you backstage?
Zhou Mi:
Unfortunately.
Barring any fatal car accidents we probably will be too, soon.
Zhou Mi:
CHO KYUHYUN.
Sorry.
Zhou Mi:
Hurry.
Oh, hey, question. It took me awhile to figure out how to type it but what does 滚 mean?
Zhou Mi:
I think of bubbly gurgling noises.
Don't lie to me.
Zhou Mi:
I'm not lying!
You totally are. You are the worst liar in the world.
Zhou Mi:
I'm really not lying, Kyuhyun.
I just looked it up.
Zhou Mi:
Kyuhyun...no don't do that
They want me out again
Zhou Mi:
And me. But none of us want you out.
Or you. Let's do December over.
Zhou Mi:
Can't say I'd be opposed
Siwon hyung says I should sleep, it's an hour's drive from the airport.
Zhou Mi:
I'll be here.
You'd better.
Prompt: Happy QMi? Please? :(
Zhou Mi/Kyuhyun. Fun but unrelated fact: If you input Chinese with handwriting recognition and write "爱" (love) a little messily, you will get the following suggestions: 爱 (love!) 覓 (the "mi" in Zhou Mi, traditional) 觅 (the "mi" in Zhou Mi, simplified) KEKEKEKEKE. Also, thank God Kyuhyun's handwriting is atrocious, because I cannot write with a mouse.
I love you, Kyuhyun scrawls in Mandarin. 我爱你!
Zhou Mi raises an eyebrow at it. "Is that the best you can do?"
"Yeah, so, my parents didn't send me to chicken scratch cram school. The fans will eat it up no matter how ugly it is. Can I go now?"
"Chinese ELF will never believe you love them," Zhou Mi says sadly. "Because that is not 'love.' That is 尝."
"I'm sorry," Kyuhyun says. "My Chinese didn't get any better in the last three seconds. I have no idea what you just said."
"Kyuhyun," Zhou Mi says, still forlorn, "you are saying 'I am tasting you' with the crudest construction possible."
"Really?" Kyuhyun's eyes light up. "How do you say 'And you are delicious?'"
Zhou Mi sniffs. "I'm not answering that."
"'And I believe you just gave me food poisoning?'"
"No."
"Okay, well, fine." Kyuhyun grabs a fresh sheet of paper. "Fine. I'll humor you. But let's see you write Hangul, huh?"
Zhou Mi rolls his eyes, steals the fraying Sharpie, and scribbles, "Cho Kyuhyun, you are an idiot." in Korean.
Zhou Mi's Hangul is adorable. Kyuhyun's scowl deepens. "Is there anything you're not good at?"
"Lots of things," Zhou Mi says carefully, then pats his shoulder. "I have to go help Ryeowook. Keep practicing!"
Kyuhyun snorts. "Yeah, yeah."
Kyuhyun is gone by the time Zhou Mi gets back, but there is a large pile of crumpled up scratch paper on the table. On closer inspection, the pile is curved and framing a single loose leaf.