Define liminal
We were booted out of the NYPL earlier when after telling us to ignore the sirens, we were instructed to exit into the soup that is the city.
We are in that space between what felt like vacation, and the reality which is la rentrée. Though the next few weeks are peppered with relaxation if we are lucky, and with many rainstorms if we are not, the work has already begun.
I can't help but think there is a possibility where I run away and find a hobbit hole to live in for the next sixteen months, but the reality is I have already written and rewritten my letter for tenure, and am writing my book every day.
My father continues his treatment, and I realize more and more than I am no longer young, and yet can't admit to being old. I think the straw that broke the camels back was singing gypsy alone at Jaz's birthday because no one else knew the words.
I have not yet been to the beach. I had not been to a spa. I have been deeply immersed in soap and paper and other everyday things everyday which I have already said and will say again.
I spent a lot of time at BCCE thinking about what is next. Precipitated by a good conference and checking off a box after two years, I know and yet I don't.
I have spent the last many months focused on collaboration and working with others. I have made small strides on the front, and also remain where I began.
I suppose its really all about what I've known for a while. It's not the individual or the individual events, but the connections between them over time. It's the way they grow over time rather than any individual state, and yet again that feels so adult, too adult for someone renting an apartment without kids, and no formal job security or ties to the earth.
Last night we watched a Netflix true crime documentary called Bad Vegan. It tells the story of a two-person cult run by a nothing of a person with too much paranoia for one mind. This was a few days after watching Renfield which I really enjoyed and was surprised at how well put together it was.
The point I am not going to make is that I think Anthony Sturgis and Dracula would go well together. Not in their capability to take over the world, but rather in that they would cancel each other out enough to be pretty normal everyday people.
Maybe sometimes emergent properties are not always greater and beyond what we already have in the component parts, maybe sometimes its about interference in both directions that brings along stability, which can lead to longer term growth.
I've never thought about it like that before.
What a nice idea.