(no subject)
Before she leaves Denver, Ella stops by the house, collects up Chandra, and leaves a letter for Robyn. The letter is written longhand on fine paper, and smells faintly of Ella's perfume.
My Pirate,
I don't know where or when you will get this letter, but I only hope that you are happy and missing me as desperately as I already miss you. I wish I could have come with you to Hawaii, and I wish I could make you understand why I did not. I don't think I can, but I will do my best.
First, my love, understand that this is not a question of choosing between you and Drew. If that were the only question, I would be, I imagine, on my way to Hawaii at this moment, smiling adoringly and joyfully at you. I wish I had no other need but love, if that were the case I could live quite simply as nothing more than a satellite of you. Even as it is, though my needs are many, I love you so much that I can almost live on nothing but the love of you and the joy of your smile.
I wish I could be so simply pleased, but you cannot understand my love, how adrift I feel in Denver. I have passed my days with nothing to do but paint and pine for you when you are not near. Aside from you I feel alone, a few pleasant acquaintences but no true friends, and no true purpose. I cannot live my life idly, and returning to Winter's Heart offers me challenges that I need to feel fulfilled. Everything in my world has become centered around you, and I tried, I tried to make you understand, to make you see the way I truly did feel like your concubine, like a well kept pet in a tall cage of glass and steel. You have selected clothing for me, selected teachers, selected a life, and though I know you had no wish to control me, to own me, nonetheless this is what has come to pass. You don't know how difficult it was not to run to your side, just at the hint of you calling for me. If you had told me that you needed me, I would have been there without question.
I hope you can understand how much I need to return to Winter's Heart, to have a purpose, to have study, to be in the woods that fill my heart with peace. I hope you can understand how much I need to grow, if I am to be something more than a decorative object in your condominium. I want to be a partner to you, my love, but more and more I have been realizing that I am ill equipped for it.
I hope that you will come to Winter's Heart soon, I yearn so to be held in your arms again. My heart aches from knowing that I have caused you pain, but please know that I do what I believe is best, for both of us.
Always your princess,
Ella
Somedays I think
I'm going to give it all away
Find a job that pays
Some letters behind my name.
Somedays I'll be
Standing at a mirror looking in
Your face starts fading in
The feeling comes again.
I guess I'll always be
The losing side of you.
Your mismatched other shoe
Your after midnight blues.
Love is a mystery to me
A loser's dream.
These days
Are spent in hot desire to be the way I was
To ride the magic bus
To try and stay in touch.
Afraid
My face is just a memory to those I knew.
An influential clue
To what they have to lose.
I guess I'll always be
The losing side of you.
Your mismatched other shoe
Your after midnight blues.
Love is a mystery.
To me a distant scream.
My Pirate,
I don't know where or when you will get this letter, but I only hope that you are happy and missing me as desperately as I already miss you. I wish I could have come with you to Hawaii, and I wish I could make you understand why I did not. I don't think I can, but I will do my best.
First, my love, understand that this is not a question of choosing between you and Drew. If that were the only question, I would be, I imagine, on my way to Hawaii at this moment, smiling adoringly and joyfully at you. I wish I had no other need but love, if that were the case I could live quite simply as nothing more than a satellite of you. Even as it is, though my needs are many, I love you so much that I can almost live on nothing but the love of you and the joy of your smile.
I wish I could be so simply pleased, but you cannot understand my love, how adrift I feel in Denver. I have passed my days with nothing to do but paint and pine for you when you are not near. Aside from you I feel alone, a few pleasant acquaintences but no true friends, and no true purpose. I cannot live my life idly, and returning to Winter's Heart offers me challenges that I need to feel fulfilled. Everything in my world has become centered around you, and I tried, I tried to make you understand, to make you see the way I truly did feel like your concubine, like a well kept pet in a tall cage of glass and steel. You have selected clothing for me, selected teachers, selected a life, and though I know you had no wish to control me, to own me, nonetheless this is what has come to pass. You don't know how difficult it was not to run to your side, just at the hint of you calling for me. If you had told me that you needed me, I would have been there without question.
I hope you can understand how much I need to return to Winter's Heart, to have a purpose, to have study, to be in the woods that fill my heart with peace. I hope you can understand how much I need to grow, if I am to be something more than a decorative object in your condominium. I want to be a partner to you, my love, but more and more I have been realizing that I am ill equipped for it.
I hope that you will come to Winter's Heart soon, I yearn so to be held in your arms again. My heart aches from knowing that I have caused you pain, but please know that I do what I believe is best, for both of us.
Always your princess,
Ella
Somedays I think
I'm going to give it all away
Find a job that pays
Some letters behind my name.
Somedays I'll be
Standing at a mirror looking in
Your face starts fading in
The feeling comes again.
I guess I'll always be
The losing side of you.
Your mismatched other shoe
Your after midnight blues.
Love is a mystery to me
A loser's dream.
These days
Are spent in hot desire to be the way I was
To ride the magic bus
To try and stay in touch.
Afraid
My face is just a memory to those I knew.
An influential clue
To what they have to lose.
I guess I'll always be
The losing side of you.
Your mismatched other shoe
Your after midnight blues.
Love is a mystery.
To me a distant scream.