(no subject)
This might be a somewhat odd thing to say, but...
If you have no significant interest in me or in my life or in what I post here and have no plans of doing so at any point in the future, please take me off of your friends list. There won't be any hard feelings unless you are someone who I really thought did have an interest in me or who had the potential to do so.
In other news, I'm doing okay in general. Everything hasn't been great though. It's actually been pretty hard recently. I've been tired and depressed and in a lot of pain and stressed and anxious and I keep having panic attacks and I fucking miss my husband and my self-esteem has been about as low as it's ever been. I can't even understand why someone as wonderful as Steve would want to be with me, and I'm convinced that he'll realize his mistake eventually and disappear. I feel like all the people who have said awful things about me have been correct, and anyone who says anything nice must be lying. Most of my friends still just don't treat me very well, so I'm working on talking to them less and being less invested in them. The ones who do I sometimes feel sorry for because they have to deal with me. I look at everything I've accomplished and I feel so separated from it, I'm certain that everyone is going to find out what a fake I am or that they already know.
But things are better. I'm understanding depression and autism better. I'm realizing that there are actual reasons for my often feeling cut off from the rest of the world and trapped in my own, and that there are reasons why the tiniest thing can throw the entire world off for me. I'm identifying what more of these tiny things are and how to avoid them and deal with them if I can't avoid them. I'm realizing and accepting (at least most of the time) that someone can actually know everything about me and love me for who I am in the way I've always needed to be loved. People can appreciate me as a friend and at work. I can talk to total strangers all the time and be friendly and likeable. And I think I'm basically done rambling for now, but, you know, things are better.
If you have no significant interest in me or in my life or in what I post here and have no plans of doing so at any point in the future, please take me off of your friends list. There won't be any hard feelings unless you are someone who I really thought did have an interest in me or who had the potential to do so.
In other news, I'm doing okay in general. Everything hasn't been great though. It's actually been pretty hard recently. I've been tired and depressed and in a lot of pain and stressed and anxious and I keep having panic attacks and I fucking miss my husband and my self-esteem has been about as low as it's ever been. I can't even understand why someone as wonderful as Steve would want to be with me, and I'm convinced that he'll realize his mistake eventually and disappear. I feel like all the people who have said awful things about me have been correct, and anyone who says anything nice must be lying. Most of my friends still just don't treat me very well, so I'm working on talking to them less and being less invested in them. The ones who do I sometimes feel sorry for because they have to deal with me. I look at everything I've accomplished and I feel so separated from it, I'm certain that everyone is going to find out what a fake I am or that they already know.
But things are better. I'm understanding depression and autism better. I'm realizing that there are actual reasons for my often feeling cut off from the rest of the world and trapped in my own, and that there are reasons why the tiniest thing can throw the entire world off for me. I'm identifying what more of these tiny things are and how to avoid them and deal with them if I can't avoid them. I'm realizing and accepting (at least most of the time) that someone can actually know everything about me and love me for who I am in the way I've always needed to be loved. People can appreciate me as a friend and at work. I can talk to total strangers all the time and be friendly and likeable. And I think I'm basically done rambling for now, but, you know, things are better.