piecewise ✿ for the_rising_dawn
Title: piecewise
Recipient: the_rising_dawn
Rating: PG
Word Count: 4170 words
Summary: A cautionary tale of causation and consequence. (Alternatively, this is how Jongdae finds his place.)
Warning/s: alcohol mentions, sex mentions
Notes: big thanks to DY and SY for telling me to write when i was procrastinating! this would probably be unfinished and even worse without their firm words of encouragement hehe. also love + appreciation to the mods of the exchange. you’re amazing!
It's Joonmyun's fault, as most things are.
It's Joonmyun's fault because at the end of last year, he weepily hugged Kris and Luhan goodbye after they threw their graduation caps into the sky, remembered to promise to keep their newspaper club running, but didn't remember to find someone to replace Luhan as the advice columnist.
This is how Jongdae finds himself stuck between an imploring Joonmyun and a hard place when the semester starts, caught in a cautionary tale of causation and consequence.
"Please, Jongdae. You're the only one I can ask."
Joonmyun looks like he's ready to start blubbering. Jongdae really hates it when he blubbers. Even so.
"I don't know, man. You know how tough junior year is for writing majors. I have an internship, too!" Jongdae resumes putting up his DBSK poster on his dorm wall, hoping that Joonmyun will give up soon. He was always too nice to reject people to their faces. "I want to help, but I just don't have time."
Instead of backing off, Joonmyun starts pacing around the room while tugging at the collar of his sweater vest. Damn, Jongdae forgot he was one persistent little man.
"I don't know what to do! Our first publication will be in two weeks and I can't find anyone else to fill the columnist position," Joonmyun laments. He stops walking before Jongdae's desk and slams his hands onto the wooden surface. "You're the person for the job, I just know it. Your writing is excellent and accessible and you have a good head on your shoulders. Please, at least consider joining us, even temporarily."
Jongdae feels his will wavering. He stares into Yoochun's papery eyes. Yoochun stares back at him.
"Fine."
"Now you know that I won't take no for -- wait, really?" Joonmyun looks pleased and bemused at the same time.
"Yes, really! Now please get out I'm trying to unpack here!"
"Of course, of course! I'll be out of your hair. Please come to our club meeting this Saturday at 8 A.M.! We will get you acquainted and there will be muffins."
With that, Joonmyun is gone, and so are Jongdae's hopes for a restful year.
The club building looks deserted in the morning of the weekend, Jongdae blearily remarks to himself. He pauses before the glass doors for a moment to stare up at the brown foliage and to hope that he's come to the right place, before he hefts his messenger bag and pushes through. The hallway looks just as deserted. Jongdae fumes a little bit at the apparent lack of people, cursing Joonmyun Kim for being literally the only person who would schedule club meetings so early.
This is before he locates and enters through the door marked 408 and --
Promptly gets hit in the face with a 15-month Underwater Puppies calendar.
"Shit, sorry."
The entire room hushes as Jongdae peels the calendar off his face and can't help but laugh at the distorted beagle on the front page, which seems to put everyone else in the room even more on edge. The stoic-looking beanpole who had apologized looks highly uncomfortable.
“It's okay. Cool calendar, though.”
"Ah! Welcome Jongdae! We were just /discussing/ the preliminary schedules for publications this semester. We'd love your input," Joonmyun pipes up from the end of a conference table, looking like he just woke up from a horrible dream.
Jongdae slumps into an office chair that looks like it has seen better days.
"Before that, can I ask some questions about my role? I'm still not completely sure what I'm supposed to do."
"Right! Yixing over here can give you the rundown." Jongdae recognizes Yixing from his sophomore Shakespeare class as "the dude who ate cereal and fell asleep in said cereal every day". He waves politely.
"There is a messaging system set up on the newspaper website that allows people to send in their dilemmas anonymously. You will have access to the inbox, and every week, you can choose several to respond to. It's pretty simple, and I'm sure you'll do great. Much better than Luhan." Yixing chuckles serenely, in a way that's not explicitly malicious nor explicitly benign. "Oh, I almost forgot! You should have a pen name you can sign off as. Luhan was always Cool Sports Guy, but I don't think that's something you'd like."
Several snickers. Jongdae hadn’t known Luhan well, but stories of his soccer fanaticism were legendary among members of his extended friend group. There are whispers that “Manchester United 4ever” is carved into a campus tree somewhere.
“How about an actual name? Like a pseudonym.” Jongdae thinks pseudonyms are cool.
“What do you have in mind?”
“I was thinking Matteo,” Jongdae says, a little bit embarrassed. It was the Catholic name his mother had given to him, and his friends had always made fun of him for it when he was younger, even though he thought it was dignified and fancy. “Matteo Chen?”
Yixing and Joonmyun give him almost identical grins and thumbs ups.
“Sounds great! Welcome to the club, Matteo.”
Voltaire, Lemony Snicket, Currer Bell. And Matteo Chen. Jongdae inexplicably feels like he’s getting somewhere in life, even though that somewhere is in the open arms of a tiny, surprisingly militant college newspaper club. It’s something, he tells himself, and the people are nice.
***
dear matteo,
i’m going to start off by saying that i’m a very cool person! i am. i’m funny, friendly, attractive, the whole nine yards ^^ but the thing is i’m not very good at making friends. like actual friends. i talk to everyone and i know everyone but at the end of the day i just feel kinda spent and lonely. what do i do to change this? how can i make more ~meaningful~ connections? haha i’m kinda embarrassed to be asking this. thanks mr. chen.
yours truly,
user id #2938-998-992
***
Hi #2938-998-992!
It’s Matteo! Firstly, thank you for being my first advisee! I’m honored to have been asked to take over the column.
God knows I have big shoes to fill after Cool Sports Guy’s graduation.
It seems to me that you might be scared of making a true connection. Or maybe that you will end up liking someone more than they like you. Or maybe that you will find out something about yourself that you would rather not know. This is all just speculation, however! It’s up to you to figure out the true root of your problems; I’m here to provide some helpful suggestions.
I’m a pretty friendly person too! I have a lot of friends and acquaintances that I’m very grateful for. Interestingly, I made a lot of these friends by just approaching them as a total stranger and striking up a casual conversation. If someone is alone and looks like they want some company, I sometimes just go over and politely introduce myself. It’s not foolproof, but I think it’s a pretty effective way to meet new people in my experience. In fact, I met one of my closest friends by approaching him at a party. He was drunk and weepy, playing Super Smash Bros Brawl alone on the couch. I sat down next to him and we ended up talking about Brawl for hours! By the end of the night, he was no longer despondent and I had gained a lifelong friend.
What I mean is, you never know who will become your friend, and who will stay with you. The next stranger that you cross paths with might just be your new best friend! It’s hard to get started, but once you do, you’ll end up more fulfilled and happy, hopefully.
Hope it works out for you, #2938-998-992!
Love, Matteo.
***
“I really wish you hadn’t put that story about our first encounter in your column,” Chanyeol sniffs as he slides his notebooks from the cafe table into his bag. “It was a low point in my life. Also, what a violation of my privacy!”
Jongdae snorts at his friend’s mock indignant face, and decides to stick out his tongue at him. Chanyeol pulls a face in retaliation, and stands up from his chair across from Jongdae’s.
“Every superhero duo must have an origin story, you know. Just thought I’d get ours out there.”
“Oh, superheroes! Do you think we’re superheroes? No offense but you’d definitely be the sidekick,” Chanyeol babbles. He stops after he realizes he’s beginning to lose his original train of thought. “You always know what to say, don’t you. People say you’re an angel but you are truly diabolical.”
“Whatever, Wonder Boy. Do you want to study together next week at the same time?”
“Yeah! I’ll text you.” Chanyeol absentmindedly checks his phone, Rilakkuma lockscreen lighting up his face. “Shit, I’m going to be late for work, I’ll catch you later.”
Jongdae waves and laughs as Chanyeol almost flattens a tiny girl with the ends of her hair dip dyed hot pink as he tries to abscond from the coffeeshop. He watches him apologize profusely before fumbles his way out of the door and into the chilly autumn air.
As soon as he’s alone, Jongdae pulls up his column inbox to check for new messages. He muses at how fun this whole venture has been so far. He had answered various questions in his first column post, and was received kindly by the student body’s newspaper readers. It was rewarding to help others with their issues, and it wasn’t as time consuming as he had originally thought it would be. Pulling his mind back to his laptop screen, he frowns. Five new messages, four of them from #2938-998-992. Curious, he thinks to himself. Instead of dealing with it immediately, he resolutely decides that he’s going to need some more coffee.
The line at the counter is short, so it’s not long before Jongdae is eye to eye with the barista. The boy has light brown hair and dark roots, and his nametag says “Baekhyun”. His mouth says “what can I get you?” in a chipper voice. Jongdae smiles at him.
“I’ll have a black coffee, with room for cream. Thanks.”
Baekhyun nods and turns around to fill a cup with coffee. As he hands Jongdae the cup, he freezes almost imperceptibly. Jongdae’s about to ask if he’s okay when he starts speaking again.
“I, uh, I noticed how your friend left! Are you going to keep studying by yourself? That’s valiant of you, I would never have the willpower. Good luck!”
“I actually have some other business I have to deal with,” Jongdae says, thinking about the five messages in his inbox that he has yet to open. “But thanks!” Jongdae hands Baekhyun his credit card.
“Ah, you’re welcome. And sorry for being weird. Lately, I’m trying to talk to strangers more. Y’know, broadening my friendship horizons or whatever,” Baekhyun chatters as he punches buttons on the register. Jongdae decides he likes Baekhyun’s voice.
“No problem! Thank you for being friendly, and thanks for the coffee.” Jongdae raises his cup. “I’ll see you around, then!”
Baekhyun winks and shoots finger guns at Jongdae as he walks away towards the counter with cream and sugar. Stirring his coffee, Jongdae reflects on the exchange. Talking to strangers who are alone? Maybe his advice column is truly creating change. He takes a sip of coffee and is filled with warmth and pride all at the same time. He starts drafting a tweet about his success, and makes plans to debut #JongdaesImpact into his web brand.
***
dear matteo,
you’ll be happy to hear that i took your advice~~ haha thank you for your help! i think i’m making new friends already.
now i have more questions, since you seem like someone who has all the answers.
i’m always bored after i get off from work on fridays. what do you do in your free time? where do you like to hang out? i’m open to all suggestions at this point, since i’d actually rather be anywhere than back at my dorm. my roommate has been bringing his girlfriend over lately and well. you know.
yours truly,
user id #2938-998-992
***
user id #2938-998-992,
I’m very glad that you could put my advice to use!
Lately I’ve been frequenting the coffee shop across from the main library, mostly to study and write this column. It’s warm and lively, so if you like that type of atmosphere, you could grab some coffee and read a book as you wait out the staminas of your roommate and your girlfriend. The people here are also especially friendly!
Hey, maybe you’ll even see me there! (Of course you wouldn’t know it was me, though!)
Love, Matteo
***
“Oh, hi! Baekhyun, right?”
The boy behind the counter whips his head around, and looks pleasantly surprised when he sees Jongdae. This time, his hair is dyed so black that it seems blue under the coffee shop’s lighting.
“Yeah. And you’re Jongdae. Black coffee with room for cream?”
Jongdae nods and accepts the cup he is handed before sliding his card across the counter.
“Thanks, have a good rest of your shift!” Jongdae says.
“Ah,” Baekhyun starts. “My shift is actually over in a couple of minutes. Do you mind if I join you at your table afterwards? I actually don’t have anywhere to go for the next few hours.” He looks kind of unsure and uncomfortable, swinging a towel back and forth, that Jongdae can’t even begin to think about telling him no.
“Of course! I’m by the window right now, so just come find me when you’re done.” Baekhyun gives him a grin that lights up the room, and hurries into the back to sign out.
Moments later, he’s sitting across from Jongdae and pulling out his laptop that is decorated with stickers with slogans like “Think fast, Talk fast” and “Beauty fades, kindness and weird sex are forever”. Baekhyun catches Jongdae staring.
“Oh, I debate, if you’re wondering.”
“I was actually looking at the one under that...Wait, that’s cool! I actually don’t know anyone on the team.” Jongdae tears his eyes away from Baekhyun’s flagrant sticker collection.
“Really? We don’t exactly keep a low profile. I’m actually going to do debate work right now.”
“I’m working on a, um, paper. You know how it is with writing majors.”
“I wouldn’t, actually. I’m a music performance major. Piano and voice.”
Jongdae had loved to sing when he was younger, and still does (in the shower at least). He finds himself wondering what Baekhyun sounds like when he’s performing. He’s already so lively and bright, so his stage presence must be something to witness.
“That’s incredible! What are you planning on doing then? Become an international superstar?”
Baekhyun snorts, and looks out the window. “I’m not sure yet. Right now, I’m planning on just getting through school. And these cards I have to cut.”
“I feel you on that,” Jongdae concurs easily, and pulls up his column inbox. Seven new messages. He sighs fondly, and opens the first one.
“You get a lot of messages from that one user. The annoying one,” Sehun remarks to Jongdae at a club meeting several months down the line.
“Don’t be rude, Sehun,” Jongdae waves his hand at him, as if to dismiss him from his presence. “Some people just have a lot of...issues.”
“A lot of issues is right,” Joonmyun butts in. “Jongdae, I know you answer multiple messages every column, but why do you always answer that person’s messages? You don’t have to, you know.”
Jongdae shrugs. “They just feel like a friend to me now. I’d feel bad if I didn’t reply to them. It’s like we’ve been keeping up a correspondence, so it’d be rude to drop the ball.”
After that, the rest of the club dives into a discussion about funds. Jongdae continues thinking about Joonmyun’s question, barely even noticing the chaos around him as Zitao suggests they use their remaining endowment to buy a club puppy. He honestly does consider user id #2938-998-992 a friend now, and would be lying if he said he didn’t think their extensive use of tildes was endearing. Lately, when he’s answering their messages, sitting across from Baekhyun and his incessant mouth at the coffee shop (which has become a common occurrence), Jongdae wishes he could meet #2938-998-992.
He’s pulled out of his reverie when Jongin and Zitao start tussling on the clubroom floor over a disagreement on which dog breed is the cutest. Jongdae smiles to himself and gets up to help Joonmyun break up the fight.
***
hi matteo,
it's getting colder and it's almost midterm season. maybe that's why i'm so under the weather.
lately i've been thinking about my future. sounds awful right? it is!!! the thing is i have no idea what i'll do after school.
grad school doesn't sound so appealing. job hunting also sounds awful, especially with the degree i'd be getting. i don't have any grand aspirations either.
i spend a lot of time lying awake at night staring at the ceiling, paralyzed by the idea that i'm going nowhere in life. i'm not even sure i love doing what i study. i'm just really...frustrated. i don't even truly have a question this time, so i get it if you don't answer.
thanks for always dealing with me,
user id #2938-998-992
***
Dear user id #2938-988-992,
I think this is something everyone goes through at some point. That kind of unspecific fear and hopelessness is kind of endemic. That doesn't make it any less frustrating, though. I'm sincerely sorry you have to deal with this.
Maybe it will help to change the rhythm of your life, if only for a little while. Do something you normally wouldn't. Try a new experience. Get a rush of excitement. It might help you feel less claustrophobic about the world and your future. Remember that there are people who support you, and that you have the ability to attain great heights. I think you'll find that things will turn out!
I really hope you feel better as soon as possible.
Love, Matteo.
***
One night, Baekhyun insists that Jongdae bring him to a club, so Jongdae obliges by taking him to the jazz bar Chanyeol and Kyungsoo sometimes play at. Jongdae watches him nervously pressing melodies into the well worn wood of the bar's countertop the whole time they're there.
“Do you even love music anymore?” Jongdae asks on the way back to the dorms, unsolicited. He knows he’s pushing a boundary, but he does it anyway. Baekhyun looked so wounded and small in the seedy light of the club.
“I do,” Baekhyun says immediately.
Jongdae makes a thoughtful noise in his throat.
“Then what do you think love is? Do you know what I mean?”
Baekhyun frowns at his shoes.
“Love is...love is giving something everything you have, and staying no matter how much it hurts.” When Baekhyun faces back up, he looks like he’s going to puke on the pavement, right then right there. He hasn’t even had much to drink.
“Do you want to know what I think?”
“No,” Baekhyun answers mulishly and receives a playful slap on the back of his head with an insolent grin. Jongdae tuts before pulling his face back into a solemn expression.
“I think love is giving something everything you have, but it should never hurt. It’s never easy, but it shouldn’t be killing you either.”
Baekhyun gives him a wry smile that looks even more warped and pained under the unnatural blue streetlights.
“You’re really good at giving advice, aren’t you? You’re a good person. You like helping people.”
Jongdae feels like he’s on the verge of something, like he’s about to uncover something great and mysterious.
Instead he gives Baekhyun a smile in return, hopes it will be enough.
“I am aren’t I? Let’s get you home.”
***
hi again matteo!
wow, what is this, the 600th time i’ve written to you? sure feels like it hehe. i’ll get right to it, since this one’s a little more personal than usual.
what do you do when you really like someone? really really like someone. you’ll probably say something like “oh! just tell them! you have nothing to lose and more good than bad will come of it.” maybe that’s true, i don’t know. but this person. they’re really special. they’re better than i am. so much better. i can think of a million and one reasons they deserve better than me. still, i kinda want to monopolize their romantic interests.
i’m being selfish! i know i know! please help me anyway, out of the kindness of your heart.
thank you as always,
user id #2938-998-992
***
Hello #2938-998-992,
600? It has probably been more times, but who is keeping track?
This seems tough, but if you think about it, it’s actually pretty simple. When you like someone a lot, and want more out of your relationship, you should communicate this to them (I’m predictable but I’m usually right), That is conceivably the only way any change can come about, unless they take action first. You can’t and shouldn’t just wait on that if you like this person, though. Take the initiative! Another thing. The idea that you cannot be with someone because they are “better” than you shouldn’t exist. The universe doesn’t gauge how worthy you are of love and return the amount you deserve very neatly. We all deserve the amount of love we receive, and we are allowed to want more. Don’t let that silly conception be a hindrance to your feelings, #2938-998-992.
I’ll let you in on a secret. I think I like someone a lot too! And I’ve been a pretty big hypocrite about this topic so far. I haven’t told them yet, and I’m scared to. But I think it’s okay to be scared; we have every right and reason to be. I’m currently working on how to get over that hurdle. I hope you’ll join me on the other side!
Hope it all works out, #2938-998-992!
Love, Matteo.
***
Jongdae's sitting with Baekhyun at the coffeeshop again. This time it's spring, and he can see tiny wildflowers budding in the shop's front from their window. He spots one that matches Baekhyun's current hair colour, which is now a bright shade of plum. The end of the school year is nearing, and Jongdae feels a little whiplashed. Everything seems to be moving at warp speed. Huffing, he pulls his attention back to his laptop screen, where he's drafting a reply to a distressed message about breaking up with a long time significant other.
"Hey, take a break or something," Baekhyun says and interrupts Jongdae's train of thought. "You look like roadkill."
"Thanks," Jongdae deadpans, but he gets up to stretch his legs and buy more coffee anyways.
He stops by the pastry case and gets a slice of banana bread for Baekhyun. When he turns around, he almost drops his cup.
Baekhyun is sitting in the seat Jongdae had just vacated, and is staring intently at Jongdae's laptop screen. Even from a distance, he can tell that it's his column inbox.
"What. What are you doing."
Baekhyun twists in the chair to face up at Jongdae, looking pale and horrified. "I was going to...write something stupid on your work doc...and this was up. So...you're Matteo."
Jongdae figures there's no use denying it and lets out a huge, deflating sigh.
"Yup, you got me. And would you stop looking so scared it's not that big of a deal!"
Baekhyun points weakly at his own face. "Um...I'm user #2938-998-992," he says with the least volume and conviction Jongdae has ever seen him display.
Just like that, it makes sense. It's almost as if everything has coalesced in Jongdae's mind. Of course it's Baekhyun. Of course. Who else? It has always been Baekhyun.
"Sorry," Baekhyun says, and Jongdae's a little stunned because it's the first time he has heard Baekhyun apologize. "Maybe I should go?"
"No," Jongdae blurts, and grabs Baekhyun's wrist. “Stay. Listen. I like you. I like you a lot. I don’t know what I’m doing. I don’t know what I’m saying. Here I am, though. I’m following my own advice.”
Now Baekhyun is the one who looks surprised. Still, he looks down at their hands in a daze, and twines their fingers together. Jongdae feels like a puzzle piece clicking into place.
“That person I was writing about? That was you.” Baekhyun tilts his head to peer at Jongdae.
“Ditto,” Jongdae says.
***
dear matteo,
just wondering, but how do you deal with having a boyfriend who as so much SWAG? like he just balls so hard, i hear. do you ever wish you were as cool and handsome as he is? please weigh in.
love,
user id #2938-998-992
***
From: Jongdae
To: Baekhyun
Sent [11:41 PM]
get out of my inbox holy shit
From: Baekhyun
To: jongdae~~~~
Sent [11:45 PM]
( ? 3?)?
Additional Author's Notes:hi recipient! and everyone else who has made it here!
hope y’all enjoyed it :’) it was tough but i had lots of fun too. remember to go check out the other fics too, and support the authors!
Recipient: the_rising_dawn
Rating: PG
Word Count: 4170 words
Summary: A cautionary tale of causation and consequence. (Alternatively, this is how Jongdae finds his place.)
Warning/s: alcohol mentions, sex mentions
Notes: big thanks to DY and SY for telling me to write when i was procrastinating! this would probably be unfinished and even worse without their firm words of encouragement hehe. also love + appreciation to the mods of the exchange. you’re amazing!
It's Joonmyun's fault, as most things are.
It's Joonmyun's fault because at the end of last year, he weepily hugged Kris and Luhan goodbye after they threw their graduation caps into the sky, remembered to promise to keep their newspaper club running, but didn't remember to find someone to replace Luhan as the advice columnist.
This is how Jongdae finds himself stuck between an imploring Joonmyun and a hard place when the semester starts, caught in a cautionary tale of causation and consequence.
"Please, Jongdae. You're the only one I can ask."
Joonmyun looks like he's ready to start blubbering. Jongdae really hates it when he blubbers. Even so.
"I don't know, man. You know how tough junior year is for writing majors. I have an internship, too!" Jongdae resumes putting up his DBSK poster on his dorm wall, hoping that Joonmyun will give up soon. He was always too nice to reject people to their faces. "I want to help, but I just don't have time."
Instead of backing off, Joonmyun starts pacing around the room while tugging at the collar of his sweater vest. Damn, Jongdae forgot he was one persistent little man.
"I don't know what to do! Our first publication will be in two weeks and I can't find anyone else to fill the columnist position," Joonmyun laments. He stops walking before Jongdae's desk and slams his hands onto the wooden surface. "You're the person for the job, I just know it. Your writing is excellent and accessible and you have a good head on your shoulders. Please, at least consider joining us, even temporarily."
Jongdae feels his will wavering. He stares into Yoochun's papery eyes. Yoochun stares back at him.
"Fine."
"Now you know that I won't take no for -- wait, really?" Joonmyun looks pleased and bemused at the same time.
"Yes, really! Now please get out I'm trying to unpack here!"
"Of course, of course! I'll be out of your hair. Please come to our club meeting this Saturday at 8 A.M.! We will get you acquainted and there will be muffins."
With that, Joonmyun is gone, and so are Jongdae's hopes for a restful year.
The club building looks deserted in the morning of the weekend, Jongdae blearily remarks to himself. He pauses before the glass doors for a moment to stare up at the brown foliage and to hope that he's come to the right place, before he hefts his messenger bag and pushes through. The hallway looks just as deserted. Jongdae fumes a little bit at the apparent lack of people, cursing Joonmyun Kim for being literally the only person who would schedule club meetings so early.
This is before he locates and enters through the door marked 408 and --
Promptly gets hit in the face with a 15-month Underwater Puppies calendar.
"Shit, sorry."
The entire room hushes as Jongdae peels the calendar off his face and can't help but laugh at the distorted beagle on the front page, which seems to put everyone else in the room even more on edge. The stoic-looking beanpole who had apologized looks highly uncomfortable.
“It's okay. Cool calendar, though.”
"Ah! Welcome Jongdae! We were just /discussing/ the preliminary schedules for publications this semester. We'd love your input," Joonmyun pipes up from the end of a conference table, looking like he just woke up from a horrible dream.
Jongdae slumps into an office chair that looks like it has seen better days.
"Before that, can I ask some questions about my role? I'm still not completely sure what I'm supposed to do."
"Right! Yixing over here can give you the rundown." Jongdae recognizes Yixing from his sophomore Shakespeare class as "the dude who ate cereal and fell asleep in said cereal every day". He waves politely.
"There is a messaging system set up on the newspaper website that allows people to send in their dilemmas anonymously. You will have access to the inbox, and every week, you can choose several to respond to. It's pretty simple, and I'm sure you'll do great. Much better than Luhan." Yixing chuckles serenely, in a way that's not explicitly malicious nor explicitly benign. "Oh, I almost forgot! You should have a pen name you can sign off as. Luhan was always Cool Sports Guy, but I don't think that's something you'd like."
Several snickers. Jongdae hadn’t known Luhan well, but stories of his soccer fanaticism were legendary among members of his extended friend group. There are whispers that “Manchester United 4ever” is carved into a campus tree somewhere.
“How about an actual name? Like a pseudonym.” Jongdae thinks pseudonyms are cool.
“What do you have in mind?”
“I was thinking Matteo,” Jongdae says, a little bit embarrassed. It was the Catholic name his mother had given to him, and his friends had always made fun of him for it when he was younger, even though he thought it was dignified and fancy. “Matteo Chen?”
Yixing and Joonmyun give him almost identical grins and thumbs ups.
“Sounds great! Welcome to the club, Matteo.”
Voltaire, Lemony Snicket, Currer Bell. And Matteo Chen. Jongdae inexplicably feels like he’s getting somewhere in life, even though that somewhere is in the open arms of a tiny, surprisingly militant college newspaper club. It’s something, he tells himself, and the people are nice.
***
dear matteo,
i’m going to start off by saying that i’m a very cool person! i am. i’m funny, friendly, attractive, the whole nine yards ^^ but the thing is i’m not very good at making friends. like actual friends. i talk to everyone and i know everyone but at the end of the day i just feel kinda spent and lonely. what do i do to change this? how can i make more ~meaningful~ connections? haha i’m kinda embarrassed to be asking this. thanks mr. chen.
yours truly,
user id #2938-998-992
***
Hi #2938-998-992!
It’s Matteo! Firstly, thank you for being my first advisee! I’m honored to have been asked to take over the column.
God knows I have big shoes to fill after Cool Sports Guy’s graduation.
It seems to me that you might be scared of making a true connection. Or maybe that you will end up liking someone more than they like you. Or maybe that you will find out something about yourself that you would rather not know. This is all just speculation, however! It’s up to you to figure out the true root of your problems; I’m here to provide some helpful suggestions.
I’m a pretty friendly person too! I have a lot of friends and acquaintances that I’m very grateful for. Interestingly, I made a lot of these friends by just approaching them as a total stranger and striking up a casual conversation. If someone is alone and looks like they want some company, I sometimes just go over and politely introduce myself. It’s not foolproof, but I think it’s a pretty effective way to meet new people in my experience. In fact, I met one of my closest friends by approaching him at a party. He was drunk and weepy, playing Super Smash Bros Brawl alone on the couch. I sat down next to him and we ended up talking about Brawl for hours! By the end of the night, he was no longer despondent and I had gained a lifelong friend.
What I mean is, you never know who will become your friend, and who will stay with you. The next stranger that you cross paths with might just be your new best friend! It’s hard to get started, but once you do, you’ll end up more fulfilled and happy, hopefully.
Hope it works out for you, #2938-998-992!
Love, Matteo.
***
“I really wish you hadn’t put that story about our first encounter in your column,” Chanyeol sniffs as he slides his notebooks from the cafe table into his bag. “It was a low point in my life. Also, what a violation of my privacy!”
Jongdae snorts at his friend’s mock indignant face, and decides to stick out his tongue at him. Chanyeol pulls a face in retaliation, and stands up from his chair across from Jongdae’s.
“Every superhero duo must have an origin story, you know. Just thought I’d get ours out there.”
“Oh, superheroes! Do you think we’re superheroes? No offense but you’d definitely be the sidekick,” Chanyeol babbles. He stops after he realizes he’s beginning to lose his original train of thought. “You always know what to say, don’t you. People say you’re an angel but you are truly diabolical.”
“Whatever, Wonder Boy. Do you want to study together next week at the same time?”
“Yeah! I’ll text you.” Chanyeol absentmindedly checks his phone, Rilakkuma lockscreen lighting up his face. “Shit, I’m going to be late for work, I’ll catch you later.”
Jongdae waves and laughs as Chanyeol almost flattens a tiny girl with the ends of her hair dip dyed hot pink as he tries to abscond from the coffeeshop. He watches him apologize profusely before fumbles his way out of the door and into the chilly autumn air.
As soon as he’s alone, Jongdae pulls up his column inbox to check for new messages. He muses at how fun this whole venture has been so far. He had answered various questions in his first column post, and was received kindly by the student body’s newspaper readers. It was rewarding to help others with their issues, and it wasn’t as time consuming as he had originally thought it would be. Pulling his mind back to his laptop screen, he frowns. Five new messages, four of them from #2938-998-992. Curious, he thinks to himself. Instead of dealing with it immediately, he resolutely decides that he’s going to need some more coffee.
The line at the counter is short, so it’s not long before Jongdae is eye to eye with the barista. The boy has light brown hair and dark roots, and his nametag says “Baekhyun”. His mouth says “what can I get you?” in a chipper voice. Jongdae smiles at him.
“I’ll have a black coffee, with room for cream. Thanks.”
Baekhyun nods and turns around to fill a cup with coffee. As he hands Jongdae the cup, he freezes almost imperceptibly. Jongdae’s about to ask if he’s okay when he starts speaking again.
“I, uh, I noticed how your friend left! Are you going to keep studying by yourself? That’s valiant of you, I would never have the willpower. Good luck!”
“I actually have some other business I have to deal with,” Jongdae says, thinking about the five messages in his inbox that he has yet to open. “But thanks!” Jongdae hands Baekhyun his credit card.
“Ah, you’re welcome. And sorry for being weird. Lately, I’m trying to talk to strangers more. Y’know, broadening my friendship horizons or whatever,” Baekhyun chatters as he punches buttons on the register. Jongdae decides he likes Baekhyun’s voice.
“No problem! Thank you for being friendly, and thanks for the coffee.” Jongdae raises his cup. “I’ll see you around, then!”
Baekhyun winks and shoots finger guns at Jongdae as he walks away towards the counter with cream and sugar. Stirring his coffee, Jongdae reflects on the exchange. Talking to strangers who are alone? Maybe his advice column is truly creating change. He takes a sip of coffee and is filled with warmth and pride all at the same time. He starts drafting a tweet about his success, and makes plans to debut #JongdaesImpact into his web brand.
***
dear matteo,
you’ll be happy to hear that i took your advice~~ haha thank you for your help! i think i’m making new friends already.
now i have more questions, since you seem like someone who has all the answers.
i’m always bored after i get off from work on fridays. what do you do in your free time? where do you like to hang out? i’m open to all suggestions at this point, since i’d actually rather be anywhere than back at my dorm. my roommate has been bringing his girlfriend over lately and well. you know.
yours truly,
user id #2938-998-992
***
user id #2938-998-992,
I’m very glad that you could put my advice to use!
Lately I’ve been frequenting the coffee shop across from the main library, mostly to study and write this column. It’s warm and lively, so if you like that type of atmosphere, you could grab some coffee and read a book as you wait out the staminas of your roommate and your girlfriend. The people here are also especially friendly!
Hey, maybe you’ll even see me there! (Of course you wouldn’t know it was me, though!)
Love, Matteo
***
“Oh, hi! Baekhyun, right?”
The boy behind the counter whips his head around, and looks pleasantly surprised when he sees Jongdae. This time, his hair is dyed so black that it seems blue under the coffee shop’s lighting.
“Yeah. And you’re Jongdae. Black coffee with room for cream?”
Jongdae nods and accepts the cup he is handed before sliding his card across the counter.
“Thanks, have a good rest of your shift!” Jongdae says.
“Ah,” Baekhyun starts. “My shift is actually over in a couple of minutes. Do you mind if I join you at your table afterwards? I actually don’t have anywhere to go for the next few hours.” He looks kind of unsure and uncomfortable, swinging a towel back and forth, that Jongdae can’t even begin to think about telling him no.
“Of course! I’m by the window right now, so just come find me when you’re done.” Baekhyun gives him a grin that lights up the room, and hurries into the back to sign out.
Moments later, he’s sitting across from Jongdae and pulling out his laptop that is decorated with stickers with slogans like “Think fast, Talk fast” and “Beauty fades, kindness and weird sex are forever”. Baekhyun catches Jongdae staring.
“Oh, I debate, if you’re wondering.”
“I was actually looking at the one under that...Wait, that’s cool! I actually don’t know anyone on the team.” Jongdae tears his eyes away from Baekhyun’s flagrant sticker collection.
“Really? We don’t exactly keep a low profile. I’m actually going to do debate work right now.”
“I’m working on a, um, paper. You know how it is with writing majors.”
“I wouldn’t, actually. I’m a music performance major. Piano and voice.”
Jongdae had loved to sing when he was younger, and still does (in the shower at least). He finds himself wondering what Baekhyun sounds like when he’s performing. He’s already so lively and bright, so his stage presence must be something to witness.
“That’s incredible! What are you planning on doing then? Become an international superstar?”
Baekhyun snorts, and looks out the window. “I’m not sure yet. Right now, I’m planning on just getting through school. And these cards I have to cut.”
“I feel you on that,” Jongdae concurs easily, and pulls up his column inbox. Seven new messages. He sighs fondly, and opens the first one.
“You get a lot of messages from that one user. The annoying one,” Sehun remarks to Jongdae at a club meeting several months down the line.
“Don’t be rude, Sehun,” Jongdae waves his hand at him, as if to dismiss him from his presence. “Some people just have a lot of...issues.”
“A lot of issues is right,” Joonmyun butts in. “Jongdae, I know you answer multiple messages every column, but why do you always answer that person’s messages? You don’t have to, you know.”
Jongdae shrugs. “They just feel like a friend to me now. I’d feel bad if I didn’t reply to them. It’s like we’ve been keeping up a correspondence, so it’d be rude to drop the ball.”
After that, the rest of the club dives into a discussion about funds. Jongdae continues thinking about Joonmyun’s question, barely even noticing the chaos around him as Zitao suggests they use their remaining endowment to buy a club puppy. He honestly does consider user id #2938-998-992 a friend now, and would be lying if he said he didn’t think their extensive use of tildes was endearing. Lately, when he’s answering their messages, sitting across from Baekhyun and his incessant mouth at the coffee shop (which has become a common occurrence), Jongdae wishes he could meet #2938-998-992.
He’s pulled out of his reverie when Jongin and Zitao start tussling on the clubroom floor over a disagreement on which dog breed is the cutest. Jongdae smiles to himself and gets up to help Joonmyun break up the fight.
***
hi matteo,
it's getting colder and it's almost midterm season. maybe that's why i'm so under the weather.
lately i've been thinking about my future. sounds awful right? it is!!! the thing is i have no idea what i'll do after school.
grad school doesn't sound so appealing. job hunting also sounds awful, especially with the degree i'd be getting. i don't have any grand aspirations either.
i spend a lot of time lying awake at night staring at the ceiling, paralyzed by the idea that i'm going nowhere in life. i'm not even sure i love doing what i study. i'm just really...frustrated. i don't even truly have a question this time, so i get it if you don't answer.
thanks for always dealing with me,
user id #2938-998-992
***
Dear user id #2938-988-992,
I think this is something everyone goes through at some point. That kind of unspecific fear and hopelessness is kind of endemic. That doesn't make it any less frustrating, though. I'm sincerely sorry you have to deal with this.
Maybe it will help to change the rhythm of your life, if only for a little while. Do something you normally wouldn't. Try a new experience. Get a rush of excitement. It might help you feel less claustrophobic about the world and your future. Remember that there are people who support you, and that you have the ability to attain great heights. I think you'll find that things will turn out!
I really hope you feel better as soon as possible.
Love, Matteo.
***
One night, Baekhyun insists that Jongdae bring him to a club, so Jongdae obliges by taking him to the jazz bar Chanyeol and Kyungsoo sometimes play at. Jongdae watches him nervously pressing melodies into the well worn wood of the bar's countertop the whole time they're there.
“Do you even love music anymore?” Jongdae asks on the way back to the dorms, unsolicited. He knows he’s pushing a boundary, but he does it anyway. Baekhyun looked so wounded and small in the seedy light of the club.
“I do,” Baekhyun says immediately.
Jongdae makes a thoughtful noise in his throat.
“Then what do you think love is? Do you know what I mean?”
Baekhyun frowns at his shoes.
“Love is...love is giving something everything you have, and staying no matter how much it hurts.” When Baekhyun faces back up, he looks like he’s going to puke on the pavement, right then right there. He hasn’t even had much to drink.
“Do you want to know what I think?”
“No,” Baekhyun answers mulishly and receives a playful slap on the back of his head with an insolent grin. Jongdae tuts before pulling his face back into a solemn expression.
“I think love is giving something everything you have, but it should never hurt. It’s never easy, but it shouldn’t be killing you either.”
Baekhyun gives him a wry smile that looks even more warped and pained under the unnatural blue streetlights.
“You’re really good at giving advice, aren’t you? You’re a good person. You like helping people.”
Jongdae feels like he’s on the verge of something, like he’s about to uncover something great and mysterious.
Instead he gives Baekhyun a smile in return, hopes it will be enough.
“I am aren’t I? Let’s get you home.”
***
hi again matteo!
wow, what is this, the 600th time i’ve written to you? sure feels like it hehe. i’ll get right to it, since this one’s a little more personal than usual.
what do you do when you really like someone? really really like someone. you’ll probably say something like “oh! just tell them! you have nothing to lose and more good than bad will come of it.” maybe that’s true, i don’t know. but this person. they’re really special. they’re better than i am. so much better. i can think of a million and one reasons they deserve better than me. still, i kinda want to monopolize their romantic interests.
i’m being selfish! i know i know! please help me anyway, out of the kindness of your heart.
thank you as always,
user id #2938-998-992
***
Hello #2938-998-992,
600? It has probably been more times, but who is keeping track?
This seems tough, but if you think about it, it’s actually pretty simple. When you like someone a lot, and want more out of your relationship, you should communicate this to them (I’m predictable but I’m usually right), That is conceivably the only way any change can come about, unless they take action first. You can’t and shouldn’t just wait on that if you like this person, though. Take the initiative! Another thing. The idea that you cannot be with someone because they are “better” than you shouldn’t exist. The universe doesn’t gauge how worthy you are of love and return the amount you deserve very neatly. We all deserve the amount of love we receive, and we are allowed to want more. Don’t let that silly conception be a hindrance to your feelings, #2938-998-992.
I’ll let you in on a secret. I think I like someone a lot too! And I’ve been a pretty big hypocrite about this topic so far. I haven’t told them yet, and I’m scared to. But I think it’s okay to be scared; we have every right and reason to be. I’m currently working on how to get over that hurdle. I hope you’ll join me on the other side!
Hope it all works out, #2938-998-992!
Love, Matteo.
***
Jongdae's sitting with Baekhyun at the coffeeshop again. This time it's spring, and he can see tiny wildflowers budding in the shop's front from their window. He spots one that matches Baekhyun's current hair colour, which is now a bright shade of plum. The end of the school year is nearing, and Jongdae feels a little whiplashed. Everything seems to be moving at warp speed. Huffing, he pulls his attention back to his laptop screen, where he's drafting a reply to a distressed message about breaking up with a long time significant other.
"Hey, take a break or something," Baekhyun says and interrupts Jongdae's train of thought. "You look like roadkill."
"Thanks," Jongdae deadpans, but he gets up to stretch his legs and buy more coffee anyways.
He stops by the pastry case and gets a slice of banana bread for Baekhyun. When he turns around, he almost drops his cup.
Baekhyun is sitting in the seat Jongdae had just vacated, and is staring intently at Jongdae's laptop screen. Even from a distance, he can tell that it's his column inbox.
"What. What are you doing."
Baekhyun twists in the chair to face up at Jongdae, looking pale and horrified. "I was going to...write something stupid on your work doc...and this was up. So...you're Matteo."
Jongdae figures there's no use denying it and lets out a huge, deflating sigh.
"Yup, you got me. And would you stop looking so scared it's not that big of a deal!"
Baekhyun points weakly at his own face. "Um...I'm user #2938-998-992," he says with the least volume and conviction Jongdae has ever seen him display.
Just like that, it makes sense. It's almost as if everything has coalesced in Jongdae's mind. Of course it's Baekhyun. Of course. Who else? It has always been Baekhyun.
"Sorry," Baekhyun says, and Jongdae's a little stunned because it's the first time he has heard Baekhyun apologize. "Maybe I should go?"
"No," Jongdae blurts, and grabs Baekhyun's wrist. “Stay. Listen. I like you. I like you a lot. I don’t know what I’m doing. I don’t know what I’m saying. Here I am, though. I’m following my own advice.”
Now Baekhyun is the one who looks surprised. Still, he looks down at their hands in a daze, and twines their fingers together. Jongdae feels like a puzzle piece clicking into place.
“That person I was writing about? That was you.” Baekhyun tilts his head to peer at Jongdae.
“Ditto,” Jongdae says.
***
dear matteo,
just wondering, but how do you deal with having a boyfriend who as so much SWAG? like he just balls so hard, i hear. do you ever wish you were as cool and handsome as he is? please weigh in.
love,
user id #2938-998-992
***
From: Jongdae
To: Baekhyun
Sent [11:41 PM]
get out of my inbox holy shit
From: Baekhyun
To: jongdae~~~~
Sent [11:45 PM]
( ? 3?)?
Additional Author's Notes:hi recipient! and everyone else who has made it here!
hope y’all enjoyed it :’) it was tough but i had lots of fun too. remember to go check out the other fics too, and support the authors!