(no subject)
Character: Sergeant Major Kururu
Series: Keroro Gunso/Sgt. Frog
Age: Unknown
Job: Supreme Tech Support Overlord
Canon: Imagine, if you will, if CareBears got knocked up by Pinky & the Brain and drank heavily, and the resulting lovechild was adopted by a well-meaning but ultimately insane Japanese family. The show created from this unholy union would probably be something along the lines of Keroro Gunso. Keroro Gunso (roughly translatable to Sergeant Frog) is an anime and manga series chronicling a platoon of adorable roly-poly frog-like aliens and their misadventures in attempting to take over the world. Or, more frequently, buying Gundam models, plotting elaborate moneymaking schemes, trying to create their own anime, and doing nearly anything besides what their mission actually is.
Kururu is the brains of the platoon, for whatever that's worth. Though he is the highest-ranking member of the group, his giant ego, unpleasant demeanor and tendency to be a two-faced scheming sadist keep him from becoming the leader. Officially in charge of intelligence, he spends the majority of his time secluded in his laboratory behind the screen of his laptop, creating new inventions and devising intricate methods of making people's lives miserable. Theoretically, his creations are meant to assist in the invasion of Earth. Mostly, though, they end up being tested on his comrades, much to their horror... and his endless amusement.
Note: "Kukukuku~" is the closest that text can come to portraying Kururu's high-pitched soul-crushing giggle.
Sample Post:
Your New Amphibian Overlord (kukukururu) wrote in news,
@ 2007-12-14 RAPE:O:CLOCK
In Soviet CFUD, LiveJournal Updates You
2008 is shaping up to be a year full of promise for all, but especially for the capitalist slaves to the LiveJournal. I am proud to be the one to announce Camp Fuck You Die's official partnership with LiveJournal, and your impending annexation into Russia. More importantly, I, your new Supreme Technical Support Overlord Kururu, have been appointed to a position of absolute authority over the glorious system of tubes that falls within the bounds of of Soviet CFUD.
To commemorate this event, a fifteen-foot high portrait of myself now adorns the technical support office in order to build morale and inspire the troops. Everyone should aspire to my level of genius. Kukuku~ In this grand (although still not quite grand enough) portrayal of me, I am saluting to the sound of screams from the Gulags. Like so: \(|@u@|)
Look how perfectly I've converted my headphones into an ASCII medium~
"Once The V-Gifts Go Out, Who Cares Where They End Up?"
That's not my department. Kukuku~ For the entire month of December, all V-gifts will be upgraded for no cost. Yes, they're quite state-of-the-art. For example, the fluffy, adorable polar bear V-gift has been upgraded to Polar Bear 2.0: Fluffy, Adorable, And Maiming You. In a display of my boundless generosity and Christmas spirit, I have sent a few early examples to random users completely free of charge.
Just this morning I received a message from a valued customer who had purchased a V-gift for his internet girlfriend. Upon receiving the gift, it turned into a stack of digital pornographic magazines. People should have something to do around Christmas, snowed in, alone in their cabin, don't you think? Unfortunately, neither one of them can access her LiveJournal any longer, as it now has the adult filter on and they're only thirteen~. Tch... young love never lasts anyway. He should be thanking me for sparing him the slow death of his doomed relationship. However, as a complimentary prize for being so brave as to message me, I have bestowed upon the young man the V-gift that keeps on giving... a glass of eggnog filled with Christmas roofies.
Cheers~ <3
What Does This Mean?
Rejoice, for a glorious future awaits you all. You may have misgivings at first, but they will disappear as you inevitably submit to the will of your new lord and master Kururu. Do not doubt for a moment that I will turn every attention to making your lives as unrelentingly interesting as possible. After all, customer service is my highest priority. I'll be seated atop my Tech Support throne, where I've provided a stepladder upon which customers may kneel as they service me~.
[Voting went here @ 95.5% (63 in/3 out)]